150: The Trad Wife Trap Nobody Warns You About

Trad Wife Trend Introduction

Jessica 0:06

From sourdough starters to linen dresses and the my husband handles everything mentality, today we are talking about trad wives. Now, even if this sounds intriguing to you, and I I'll admit, some parts do sound really lovely, we want to make sure that there's protection for when it blows up. Stay tuned if you want to hear all about trad wives and how you can actually protect yourself if that's the life you're trying to live. Welcome back everybody to the Sugar Daddy Podcast, where we help you build a clear financial plan so you can feel confident and in control of your money. Hey, babe. What are we talking about today?

Brandon 0:49

Today we are talking about the social media trend of trad wives.

Jessica 0:54

Uh, just as a heads up, you married the complete opposite of what a trad wife is, just in case you did not know.

Brandon 1:03

I was pretty aware of that, and that was also intentional for myself. And, you know, just kind of preface, this episode is not to just poo-poo on trad wives. Um, everybody has a choice in regards to what type of life they want to live. We don't necessarily agree with the type of movement for numerous reasons, but we do want to talk about what it is, and if that's going to be the choice that you do make in regards to what works for best for your family or what you want to do, there are some things you could put in place to protect yourself as

What Trad Wife Really Means

Brandon 1:30

well.

Jessica 1:30

And that's what we're going to talk about. So, for those of you who are living under a rock and have not heard the word trad wife, it really is just short for traditional wife. So it is a woman mostly visibly associated with the social media movement of who somebody who embraces traditional gender roles, centers homemaking, marriage, and child rearing. And it's typically a single-income household where the husband is the sole financial provider. So think back to the what 40s, 50s, 60s, and like that era. And yeah, and even 70s. So that era of the husband leaves in the morning with his little lunchbox and goes to work, and the wife takes care of everything at home. So kind of the barefoot and pregnant movement.

Brandon 2:15

Yeah. And also the real focus there is that, you know, the husband is the leader of the household, and it basically is the one that's making a good majority of the decisions in regards to how the family operates.

Jessica 2:25

Yeah. So the person who makes the money makes the decisions and makes the rules. So it's typically the lifestyle that's characterized by full-time domestic work, submission to the husband as head of the household, and this like aesthetic of vintage or mid-century domesticity. So there's this online phenomenon where these trad wives who are now trying to say that they are not trad wives, it it the whole thing is just like mind-blowing. And what's hilarious is that the women that are online posing, because that's what they're doing, as trad wives, as they're like walking out to their chicken coops to collect their eggs with like their full production studio behind them, they are multimillionaires. And some of them have their husbands on payroll. So as they're out here telling people to like give up all of their rights and to not earn money and like their duty is to like have these children and you know, submit to their husbands, they're literally multi-millionaires, but they're encouraging people or women, young women, especially women who have not gone to school, have not gotten an education, to stay home and have as many children as possible. And that's my problem.

Brandon 3:38

Yeah, it's that's the weird part of it is that the main women that are on the forefront of pushing this movement, none of them are actually trad wives. Like, you know, think Erica Kirk. She's a working mom.

Jessica 3:49

Doesn't she have a PhD?

Brandon 3:51

She has a lot of she has a lot of things.

Jessica 3:53

She has a lot of degrees. So it's just I wouldn't even put her. I mean, I that's fine. I know that she's one of them. I'm thinking about what's her name? Like Nara something who does like the videos where she talks like this while she makes her children homemade capri suns and grilled cheese sourdoughs from scratch, and she's wearing designer clothes. You've seen her videos.

Brandon 4:14

Maybe.

Jessica 4:15

She is a multimillionaire. I just want to be very, very clear. She is making her own money, and I guarantee you she has protections in place to make sure that her money is protected in case her lovely home and love fizzles out. Yeah, because it's not what we're wishing on anybody.

Brandon 4:31

Yeah, because what you're being sold from these individuals is completely different than the reality that the average person would have if they decide to be a trad wife.

Jessica 4:40

Well, the other one, which I just found out, um, and she's like the uh, I don't even remember, farmer ballerina something, I think is her name. Um, love her content. I mean, she's making everything from scratch. I just realized that she's married to like the son-in-law of Jet Blue, or what did I call it? Like, they're literally heirs to an airplane airline, like an airline.

Brandon 5:07

Yes. The difference is that they are financially set.

Jessica 5:11

You are the heir to a fortune. Yes. Go make your sourdough, go clean your chicken coop. Absolutely. I love that for you. But don't sit here and pretend like you are just, you probably haven't actually touched a load of laundry in your house or emptied the dishwasher in a decade.

Brandon 5:30

Yeah, it's also like that thing on social media where they show you the highlight reel. They don't show you the reality of what's actually going on. And that reality for the average person is gonna be very different because, in all honesty, like being a stay-at-home, or in this scenario, more most of the time it's gonna be in um the mom that stays home. Being a stay-at-home mom is the hardest job that any woman can do.

Jessica 5:50

And it is not glamorous. Yes, it is. It is not glamorous.

Brandon 5:52

We are not trying to put down any woman that chooses to stay at home because that is, you know, one of the hardest jobs there is. However, you do need to look at the difference in what the reality is and what they're trying to actually push on you as the fantasy.

Jessica 6:07

Right. The fantasy is I'm like nursing my

The Social Media Fantasy Problem

Jessica 6:10

sourdough starter and I'm picking the berries from my perfectly groomed garden, and I have farm fresh eggs from my backyard while I wear this super cute plaid dress and my little linen apron. Like, yes, that looks lovely. I would also love to spend my time making homemade jam. But guess what? I don't. And I'm also okay.

Brandon 6:31

And at the end of the day, like the one major disagreement we have with it is that in that setup, it puts the um economic power solely on the man.

Jessica 6:41

And if he can feed you, he can starve you. Yes. That's what worries me, especially for these women who are like early, early into their life, right? Like they're 19, 20, 21, and their entire goal right now is to be a trad wife. Their entire goal is to skip education, skip earning their own money, and become a stay-at-home mom. And at the end of the day, all that means is that you will not have any means to get yourself out of a situation that you no longer want to be in when you realize that for most women, that fantasy that is being painted online in little squares on social media is not real life.

Brandon 7:24

No.

Jessica 7:25

And again, these women that are portraying that are multimillionaires. They have full staffs of people in their home. They have film crews, they have designers, they have everything being done for them because they can afford it, because their content that you're consuming is making them money.

Brandon 7:41

Yeah, and the hard part there is that they're painting a fantasy in the sense of, you know, let's look at, you know, divorce rates back in the 40s and 50s. Divorce rates were lower. And that's where the deep dive stops. Divorce rates were lower. Know why the divorce rates were lower? Women did not have any power. They had zero power. If you're not working, you're not bringing an income, you don't have any money, you are 100% dependent upon that man. And that's why divorce rates were lower. It wasn't because people were happier in their marriage, it was that women didn't have any options.

Jessica 8:12

Yes, because we all know money gives you options. It gives you options to leave a job that you don't like, a situation that you don't like, a home that's not safe. And that's what it comes down to. So if you're thinking about being a stay-at-home mom or a trad wife, as we're calling it right now in this season, that is okay. But there are things that you can do to make sure that if the fantasy fizzles, you still have some protections. And that's really what this is about. There's too many people, too many women who don't understand that you can be a stay-at-home mom. That is the most honorable thing that you can do. Like, I get it, raise your own kids. You don't want strangers raising your kids. I went through all of those mom guilt things when we put our kids in daycare and when we had a nanny. And like, I get it. However, I always wanted to be financially secure enough to leave a situation I don't want to be in. That is what I will want for my daughter as well. And I will want for our son to want to be with somebody who's also wanting to make their own money and be able to provide for themselves and to be in a situation that they want to be in because they want to be, not because they need to be. So if you are a stay-at-home mom, whether you consider yourself to be a trad wife or not, or you are one of those 19, 20, 21-year-olds that's like, yes, this is what I want to do with my life. That's okay. We're not here to judge your life choices, but we do want to make sure that you have protections in place so that just in case, because the divorce rate is still 50% for first-time marriages, 60% for second-time marriages, and higher than that for third marriages, that you have protections in place and that you're not looking up one day left with nothing.

Brandon 9:52

Yeah. And the thing here is that all we're wanting to do is provide you with more information so that if you're choosing to go into the situation, you can set yourself up for a better probability of success.

Jessica 10:03

Yeah.

Brandon 10:03

Because the reality regardless of how the relationship goes.

Jessica 10:06

Because the reality is you could still get divorced, people still pass away unexpectedly, there's still disability and job loss that we're seeing all around us. And financial control can sometimes lead to financial abuse. So again, we don't want to see you in a situation where you feel like you have no way out and you have to stay just because somebody's holding the purse strings.

Brandon 10:32

Yeah, because like you can choose to, you know, have this lifestyle, but still put a floor underneath it for those protection aspects.

Jessica 10:38

Yeah. So let's talk about the scaffolding, as I like to call it, of what you can do to still have protections in place, even at if you're choosing the trad wife life or life as a stay-at-home mom.

Prenup And Postnup As A Seatbelt

Brandon 10:51

Yeah.

Jessica 10:51

So what's number one?

Brandon 10:53

A postnup or a prenup.

Jessica 10:55

Yes. So if you're not married yet, that would be a prenup. And if you're already married, it would be a postnup.

Why Dependence Becomes Dangerous

Jessica 11:00

If you're new here, Brandon and I got a postnup last year. Uh, we're coming up on 10 years of marriage. So we did this during year nine. For us, it was a great experience. Shout out to Aaron Thomas, um, our attorney from prenups.com. And it was a great experience for us. We now feel like we have a protection in place while we love each other, while we respect each other. And I I love the example of hey, you get in the car with your best friend, you're still gonna put your seatbelt on. Yeah. Right? Like it's still a protection. It's not because you feel like you're gonna get in a car wreck and die, but like it's there. So why not use it? Same thing with a prenup or post-nup.

Brandon 11:39

Also, the thing is, too, is if you're going into wanting to be a triad wife, where obviously the husband's gonna be working and you're not gonna be working, the um outcome of a divorce is significantly worse on you.

Jessica 11:50

Yes, you will walk away with even less non-working spouse.

Brandon 11:54

Yeah. So you want to make sure that you have the a post-up or prenup in place that can cover a uh, you know, a fair splitting of the assets that you guys have. Um, also possible spousal support because depending on how long you've been married, you know, you haven't been in the workforce, or you maybe have exited the workforce and you've been out for a long time. So the possibility of your earnings and being able to hop back into the workforce

Build Credit In Your Own Name

Brandon 12:15

has, you know, diminished greatly. But then also, too, is that like, you know, some of the things that people don't think about is like as an unworking spouse, is that, hey, I need to make sure I'm also building up my own credit.

Jessica 12:24

Yes.

Brandon 12:24

So, you know, not just simply having a uh your name on as uh authorized user on your husband's credit card, but also making sure that you have a credit card in your own name building your own credit. Should the divorce not work, I mean, should the uh marriage not work, now you actually have a credit history.

Jessica 12:39

Yeah. Or also things like cars, right? Like if you are being quote unquote given a car by your partner, by your husband, that car can still be in your name and a prenup or a postnup nup can explicitly say, This is a gift or this vehicle belongs to my spouse, so that in the event of divorce, they don't just get to take it back. Because again, the person that you divorce is not the person you marry.

Brandon 13:04

Also, like you need to be understanding of how the world works. So if a divorce happens and you need to go back into the workforce, you know, once again, your credit score is gonna dictate a lot of things that people don't really think about, like, oh, I need to find an apartment or I need to try to buy a home.

Jessica 13:18

Or set up my utilities.

Brandon 13:20

Yeah, set up your utilities. And even in some jobs now are doing credit checks as well.

Jessica 13:24

Yep. My most recent job just ran a credit check.

Brandon 13:27

Yeah. Yeah. So it does affect a lot of things. So you want to put these things in place at the beginning so that you are establishing all these things just in case the marriage doesn't work out. Now, also, too, with that is if this a husband is resistant to any of those things, red flag. That should be a red flag for you right there.

Jessica 13:43

100%.

Brandon 13:44

And that's what I feel honestly, a lot of the situations you would run into because I do believe that the trad wife does the trad wife in all the aspects of the social media thing does kind of run a certain direction in regards to, you know, political beliefs and then also the rights, religious beliefs, and also the rights of women.

unknown 14:00

Yeah.

Brandon 14:01

So I think you're gonna really run into some issues there for a lot of those women that are looking to live this life.

Jessica 14:06

Call it what it is. I mean, the spade is the spade is the spade, right? So get credit in your own name. I just saw, I sent it to you, this heartbreaking video. A woman, I think they were married for like 20 something years.

Brandon 14:18

I know that's what you're talking about.

Jessica 14:19

And husband showed up one day and was like, I'm filing for a divorce, and literally took away all of her credit cards. She has no credit, no credit history. She's been an authorized user. She like went to the grocery store, tried to swipe her Amex and got declined. And she was like, What's happening? And like within the blink of an eye, her life just crumbled. And she had no means, she had no credit, she hasn't been working, she's been keeping the home, raising the kids. And those are admirable things. Maintaining a home, cooking dinners, taking your kids to all the activities and the camps and all the appointments. That is work. You could just just decide or determine what the value of that is and talk about a salary. Because if you weren't there, somebody would have to get paid, whether in time or money, to do those things. So don't be looking up one day and not have means to get yourself out of a situation.

Spousal IRA For Your Retirement

Brandon 15:16

Yeah. So we kind of already talked about obviously, you know, the postal prenup, having credit in your own name. Also, a lot of people do not realize that even if you're not working, you can also contribute to a retirement account for a non-working spouse, uh, the wife in this scenario. What is that called? It's called a spousal IRA.

Jessica 15:33

And remember, an IRA is an individual retirement account. So it's your retirement account. Not this is not a shared asset. It's your individual account that your husband could be paying into to make sure that you also have retirement one day.

Brandon 15:48

And I 100% recommend people to do this because one of the things too is that, you know, when you're not working, you know, you're also not adding for Social Security.

Jessica 15:57

Yeah.

Brandon 15:57

So therefore, this is one of the ways to help build up money should the marriage now work out. And then, you know, once you get to retirement age, you already start thought about this and you've already started to build up money that you can live off of.

Jessica 16:08

Yeah. Well, and social security, who knows if that's going to be around? So that's certainly not something I would bank on. And to your point, you pay into it. So if you're not working, there's nothing accumulating for you to eventually take.

Brandon 16:22

Yes. So if you are making the sacrifice for your family to be the stay-at-home wife and take care of the household and raise the kids, your husband 100% should be contributing to a spouse l IRA for you.

Jessica 16:33

Yeah. And how does that work? So I would set up my own account and then my husband and I can come up with a contribution.

Brandon 16:39

It works just like a works just like a regular IRA.

Jessica 16:42

Okay.

Brandon 16:43

And it's just that normally with um IRAs, you do have to have some type of income coming into order to contribute to them. But with a spouse IRA, this is specific for a non-working spouse.

Jessica 16:53

Okay. So especially for those women who are young, right? Like 19, 20, 21, like contributing to a spice spousal RA IRA. Wow, a spousal IRA could be the difference between you not having a retirement and you being able to potentially retire. And bonus points, right? If you don't get a divorce, which is uh obviously what everybody wants, we want you to be happily married, then you still have extra money in the combined pot. So there's no negative in this.

Brandon 17:23

No, none at all.

Jessica 17:24

Yeah. Okay. Um, I know you feel very strongly about this next one.

Life And Disability Insurance Basics

Brandon 17:29

Yes. Uh, life insurance both ways.

Jessica 17:31

Both ways.

Brandon 17:33

Because most people think of getting life insurance for someone who's earning income.

Jessica 17:37

Yes.

Brandon 17:38

They don't think about the person who's not earning income, but providing so much value at home that otherwise, if that person wasn't doing it, like you stated earlier, would require somebody else to do it, and that would cost money. So there is value that you can put on being a stay-at-home wife.

Jessica 17:53

Yeah. I think the last report that I saw was like if you added up all the things, right? The housekeeping, the cleaning, the chauffeuring, the appointment making, I mean, you're doing all the things. It's about $180,000 a year job.

unknown 18:05

Yeah.

Brandon 18:05

I mean, between the child care and household um, household um uh chores and labor that you do.

Jessica 18:11

Maintenance.

Brandon 18:12

It's a large number that a lot of people put it out in.

Jessica 18:14

Cleaning, laundry, chauffeuring, you're the executive assistant. I mean, you're literally the manager of the household.

Brandon 18:19

Yeah.

Jessica 18:20

So yeah, you can put a money behind put money behind that. And your spouse, like you said, both ways, needs protection. Now, it'll be easier for the working spouse to get the higher amount.

Brandon 18:35

Well, the working spouse would probably would have the higher amount.

Jessica 18:38

But you can have something which is better than nothing.

Brandon 18:40

Yes. There is underwriting that happens for the non-working spouse that's in place.

Jessica 18:45

Yeah. Um, what about other types of insurances?

Brandon 18:50

Disability insurance on the sole provider of the house when it comes to an actual outside the house working income.

Jessica 18:56

Yeah.

Brandon 18:56

Like, you know, if the husband's the only one working, they 100% should have the maximum amount of disability insurance that they are eligible for, because the risk is significantly higher when you only have one income. So for example, with Jess and I both working, that risk is a little bit lower since there's two incomes coming in. However, with one, you need to make sure that you've done everything that you can to cover it in the event if something does happen. Because a lot of people don't realize that in the event of a disability where, especially if it's a permanent disability, that person actually becomes more expensive.

Jessica 19:27

Yeah.

Brandon 19:27

And now they're not bringing any money.

Jessica 19:29

They're not bringing any money. And in this case, they wouldn't be able to contribute to the household the way they were, right? Like even something as simple as when you tore your Achilles and Brandon does school drop-off and pickup 99% of the time. And I had to do it because of course it was his right leg. So either I have to do it, which takes me away from my responsibilities, or you hire somebody, which again costs money. These are all things that you have to think about. So think about what you're going to be contributing in your household, or your partner needs to think about all the things that you do during the day that will not get done in the event that you become temporarily or permanently disabled.

Brandon 20:07

Well, in this scenario, like um it's the disability insurance is on the husband, the working because you're trying to protect the income.

Jessica 20:14

Yeah. Yes. Yeah. All very, very important. Um, this next one, I think, is like can go, can go one of two ways, right? It's either like, yep, green flags or red flags.

Brandon 20:26

Yeah.

Full Financial Visibility Or Red Flag

Brandon 20:27

Full financial visibility. Now, what we mean by that is that it's not simply your husband having all the accounts and he's the only one that has access to it. He's the only one looking at it. Even though you're not bringing in income from outside the household, you should have access to every single account. You should have access to the passwords. You should be able to see what's going on. There should be no hiding of any of the financial assets or the movement of the money that's going on in the household.

Jessica 20:54

And be especially mindful of phrases like, it's okay, I've I've got it. You don't need to worry about it. Or don't worry your pretty little mind about those things. It's under control. If you hear anything like that, your little spidey senses should be going all the way off because absolutely not. Why are you not allowed to see the accounts? Why are you not allowed to see the debts? Why are you not allowed to verify that the life insurance policy is in place? Yeah. Also, any good spouse, any good husband would want you to have that information again in the event that something happens to him, that you know where to access everything and that you know, hey, we've been paying into this policy, call this person, here's the account number, and everything will be just fine. That's what a good partner does.

Brandon 21:40

Because secrecy is where abuse grows.

Jessica 21:41

Yes.

Brandon 21:42

And I've never seen a scenario where secrecy on be on the part of the husband, year after year, you know, not providing that access or refusing to provide that access has ever worked out well for the woman.

Jessica 21:53

No.

Brandon 21:54

Never.

Jessica 21:54

No. And even, and I know a lot of people, especially like even for my situation. Growing up. Like, you know, my dad was the earner, so to speak. My mom usually worked things part-time, but she, you know, she managed the household, but she had access to all the things. So, same thing. Like, yeah, you might have access to the credit card, but like, what does that bill look like every month? Are you looking at it? Are you looking at the statements together? Do you understand what the mortgage looks like, who the mortgage is with, how the bills are getting paid? Like, make sure that you're not just paying the bills with the card that you're authorized to use, but that you actually understand what's going on within those accounts.

Brandon 22:35

And one of the easiest ways to do that, monopoly. I mean, we personally use it. I use it with all my clients, and it's a very easy way to attach all the various accounts you have in your financial life. And it has a great account aggregator, and you can see it all in one place. So that's the easiest way to provide visibility for both spouses in that scenario.

Jessica 22:57

Yeah. I mean, I was in between meetings last week and I got an update from Monarch saying that we had gotten a tax refund that I wasn't even aware of. So it's a great way to get that visibility. Now, if you have a shady spouse, can they just choose to leave off information? 100%. Like it's not going to solve that kind of issue in your marriage. But if you have a willing and honest and transparent partner, it's a really great way to just see everything in one place and to be aware of what's going on. Yeah. Yeah. So Monarch Money, we'll link our 50% off code in the show notes. Definitely give

Your Own Money Without Permission

Jessica 23:32

that a try. I also am a huge believer of women, always specifically women, having their own money. So in this case, if you want to call it an allowance, that personally would give me the ick.

Brandon 23:43

Call it a paycheck.

Jessica 23:44

Call it a paycheck for all the work you're doing in the home, the unpaid domestic labor. Um, but you should be earning your own money in some way, whether that's through a side hustle, whether that's through, you know, your spouse giving you an allowance or, you know, payment, payment for the work that you're doing. Make your own money, put it into an account that has your name on it.

Brandon 24:05

Yeah, and that you're allowed to use rather than having to always go and ask permission for when you want to buy things. Because I think that is a huge power structure. And that's the main disagreement I have with the concept of how Tradwife is actually done in practice. Not the just core definition, how it actually shows up in everyday life for people is that the man controls everything. And this can help equal the financial uh imbalance. Imbalance. There we go.

Jessica 24:33

Yeah, yeah. I I mean, I just think in general, even in marriages, right where both people are working and bringing in income, and maybe money is not an issue, like having a pot to yourself that you don't have to ask about, like whether it's this massage or the facials, or you know, you do want to spend money on an expensive purse for, you know, every once in a while, whatever it is, like having that and not having to say, can I buy this? Is this okay? Or what or putting a rule behind it, right? Like we have a rule that if one of us spends more than $500, we need to call in, call and check with the other person first. Now that doesn't count for anything that has to do with the home or you know, if we're buying something in bulk for these are parties.

Brandon 25:15

These are wants.

Jessica 25:15

These are wants, not needs. Um, and I think for us that's just a respect thing that we're doing, but I mean, neither one of us really does that. Yeah. So um, and even my purse in Paris came in under that. So I did not call you.

Brandon 25:29

I was there anyways. Wait now, Sad.

Jessica 25:31

Yeah, I know. Um, okay, so make sure that you have your own money. Set that up however makes sense for you, but that is the money that you get to have in your own name and spend however you want. Um, let's talk about the estate documents.

Wills, Trusts, Beneficiaries, Power Of Attorney

Brandon 25:45

Yeah, this is one that I think is just missed in general with a lot of people. And I I know what's that the number of people that have it properly set up is low, but I'm always surprised for some reason when I find out that people don't have it set up. But it's you know, making sure that you have a properly updated will. Any account that allows you to name a beneficiary, making sure that you have named that beneficiary and that it's updated in the sense of if something has changed, that you have the proper beneficiary that you would want at that moment on that account.

Jessica 26:11

And not miners.

Brandon 26:13

Yes. Do not name a minor yes, do not name a minor as a beneficiary.

Jessica 26:17

So, what should people do if they only have minors?

Brandon 26:20

Well, normally when you set up a basic will, it can also come with a revocable trust. And the trust should be named as the secondary beneficiary. So, for example, we have a life insurance policy, and each of us are the primary beneficiaries on the life insurance policy. However, if something was to happen to the both of us, what happens to that money? That money, the secondary beneficiary, is our actual trust. And in the trust, there's language that spells out how the money would be used to take care of our kids.

Jessica 26:46

Yes.

Brandon 26:47

Um, but that's also taking note, also they have in there, you know, a health directive. If you became incapacitated, what your wishes may be on how to handle that moving forward, also power of attorney, like who would actually be the person making these decisions for you. All this stuff is in a will, and you need to make sure you have it. And also, it's not just a one-time thing, too. Yeah. The biggest thing is I always tell people like you put it in place, but you also do want to periodically update it as things in your life change.

Jessica 27:12

But you would hope that you're updating it together, not like that one Reddit thread that I saw recently where the wife or the oh, is it wasn't even Reddit. It was like one of our community pages, and the wife was like, Uh, I just walked in on my husband updating his will and he wouldn't tell me what he changed about it.

Brandon 27:29

Yeah, if you walk in the red flag. Yeah, if you walk in on somebody changing the will, they're not gonna tell you that should be an immediate something's up.

Jessica 27:36

Yeah. Go ahead and yeah, get ready for that divorce.

Brandon 27:39

Yeah, what's

Keep Licenses And Employability Alive

Brandon 27:40

the next one?

Jessica 27:40

Um making sure that for those of for those people who maybe aren't 19, 20 trying to live the trad life, but maybe you had a career before and now you do want to be a stay-at-home mom or, you know, be a homemaker, if you had any licenses or certifications or any like we have friends that were nurses, they still do their continuing education, even though they are not currently working, right? They're not gonna let their license lapse because they're now staying home with their kids. So if you have anything like that where, you know, your teaching license, you can keep that up even if you're not teaching your nursing licenses, if you know, any of those licenses or cer certifications that you have to stay on top of or do continuing education for, do that. Don't let those things expire. It's much easier to just keep it going, do your hours versus letting it all lapse and having to start from the beginning.

Brandon 28:32

Yeah, you want to keep your employability on ice and not like completely delete it.

Jessica 28:36

Yeah.

Brandon 28:36

Because you never know what's going to happen, because you might have no intention of re-entering the workforce because you want to be a trad wife, your marriage is hopefully gonna work out. But then sometimes life happens and the work and it doesn't work out. So you would want to be able to re-enter the workforce. And if you don't have your licenses up to date, or you haven't been like, you know, even just keeping a warm network so that you have an easier time for re-entry, it's gonna be really hard out there because it's hard enough for people that have all these things in place.

Jessica 29:04

I was gonna say, I think the I think in general, people are a lot more understanding of like, hey, I stepped away to raise my kids and now I want to come back. That's great and that's fine, but you are competing with people who have not stepped away. You are competing with people who have grown their skills, are up to date on AI, understand how the markets changed, et cetera, et cetera. And if you're not doing that, then even if you come across maybe a very generous employer who's like, Yeah, we understand you raised your kids, that's great. You're still competing with a workforce that is up to date and up to speed, and you might not be. So doing anything that you can to stay in the know and to keep your licenses and certifications, do that.

Brandon 29:44

Yeah.

Jessica 29:45

Or even learn new skills, right? Like I have friends who are doing bookkeeping and things that they can do at home for a couple hours. Eventually, your kids will go to school unless you plan on homeschooling, which, you know, again, that's fine. However, try to do something to make sure that you know that there could be money coming in if you needed to.

Brandon 30:06

Yeah.

Jessica 30:06

Yeah. All right. Um, let's talk about social security rules that people might not be aware of.

Social Security Divorce 10 Year Rule

Brandon 30:13

So the biggest social security rule that a lot of people aren't aware of is that the key number of being married prior to getting a divorce is 10 years.

Jessica 30:22

10 years. That's what we're coming up on.

Brandon 30:24

10 years. And what I mean by that is that if you were to be married for 10 years or more as a trad wife and you guys get divorced, you are entitled to a portion of whatever Social Security benefit your now ex-husband would receive. Now, with that, since it's to say in this scenario, you haven't been working, so you haven't really built, you haven't built up anything for Social Security, really. So you would be entitled up to 50% of his Social Security, whatever you would get. So if he was going to get, you know, $3,000, you're entitled to $1,500. And that's better than nothing. Now, the thing to keep in mind there is once again, it's 10 years from the day you got married to the day you got divorced. Not if you separated, you know, if you separated for a year, it's based upon the actual final date of divorce. That has to be 10 years. Has to be 10 years. Not nine years and 10 months, not nine years and 11 months. Yeah. 10 years.

Jessica 31:14

I saw something the other day again online. I guess my algorithm is just all about this, but I saw that a woman got divorced and it was like nine years and like 10 months.

Brandon 31:25

Yeah.

Jessica 31:26

And it's like, okay, you just somebody did not advise you.

Brandon 31:30

No.

Jessica 31:30

And somebody should have said, yeah, let's drag this out for another 60 days. Because that, I mean, I'll take an extra $1,500 a month. Yeah.

Brandon 31:38

Like, would you not? And the thing is there too, is that it is based upon you not being remarried. So for example, you have to have been married for 10 years. Um, you have to have been divorced for, you know, at least two years, and then you're entitled up to 50%.

Jessica 31:52

Right.

Brandon 31:52

So one of the things that an additional part is is that that's up to 50% while they're alive. So if your ex passes and you know you haven't remarried or anything like that, you could be entitled to 100% now.

Jessica 32:04

Yeah.

Brandon 32:04

So there could be a step up. So this is one of those weird rare scenarios where your ex is worth more, you know, dead than they are alive.

Jessica 32:11

Oh my gosh. Well, but it's good to know these things, right? Like we, I mean, we have friends in our network whose moms are just not going to remarry because of this. Yeah.

Brandon 32:21

And the thing is too, it's like it makes a difference for a lot of people. This does not reduce what your ex gets. And your ex has no say in this. So it's not like I have to get my extra. You don't have to get permission. No permission, no signing of anything. You are entitled if you meet all the rules.

Jessica 32:35

Yes. Yeah. So even if you never want to talk to this person again, that's okay. As long as you were married for 10 years, you can fill out the form and get up to half of his social security.

Brandon 32:45

Yeah. And the thing here is that this is really for those individuals who have zero to little social security due to not working. So, for example, in the scenario, if you had got divorced or you had been working some throughout the course, and your social security was going to be, let's just say in that last scenario, we have the 3,000 for the husband, so that wouldn't tell you to 1,500, but you had already been working and you had actually had built up that your social security was going to be 1800.

Jessica 33:08

Mm-hmm. 1800 yours.

Brandon 33:10

1800 is more than 1500. So you don't get the 1500. Right. You just have your 1800. Yeah. So it doesn't add on top. It's either or.

Jessica 33:18

Yeah. So if you weren't working, so again, if you were a trad wife, this could be beneficial to you in the event that you got divorced, because assuming that you would have nothing to very little because you haven't been paying into the system, you could get the benefit of at least getting up to half of your ex-spouses. Yeah.

Brandon 33:36

And the thing is too here also, that same rule applies. Even if your Social Security benefit was higher at that 1800 than the 1500, you could you would have received the 50% of your exes. If your ex dies, you go from that 1800 step up to 3,000.

Jessica 33:50

Yeah.

Brandon 33:52

So a lot of people, like, you know, they this is a rule they just don't they for they don't even know exist.

Jessica 33:56

Well, I'm all about the rules because that's how you win the game. So, you know, again, if you're like, ooh, this is not going to work, but you're nine years and five months in, you better hang on, sister.

Brandon 34:07

Yeah. Yeah, no, it's that's the reality. And like I said, it's once again in these scenarios, having like if you if you're going through a divorce and the possibility of that and you've already consulted with an attorney, a good attorney would know these rules and have these conversations.

Jessica 34:21

Yes, exactly. All

Protection Checklist Recap And Closing

Jessica 34:23

right. So let's just recap a couple of the protections. Let's get a prenup in place if you're not married yet. Let's get a post-nup in place if you are already married. And let's make sure that those protections are in there, whether it's about your assets, spousal support, um, you know, explicit credit for unpaid home, child care, labor, child rearing, etc., you can get paid for that. We also want to make sure that you have credit in your own name, not just an authorized user on your spouse's credit cards. He could take those away at any time, remove you immediately, and you would be left with nothing. So make sure you have your own credit, possibly assets in your own name, which would be even better. We also want to make that sure that a spousal IRA gets opened in your name and that there are automatic contributions to that spousal IRA, just like your husband would be getting in his retirement um accounts, because you can be a trad wife and still be planning for retirement. We want to make sure that there is life insurance both ways. So he gets life insurance, you get life insurance. We need protections on both sides. We need disability insurance in place as well, so that in the event that something happens, there is protection for income. And we also want to make sure that there is full financial visibility. So we need to be transparent, we need to understand where the accounts are, who they're with, how to get into them, and you know, preferably have these meetings on a regular basis, whether it's, you know, you want to do them weekly, monthly, quarterly, once a year, whatever that looks like for you and your family, figure that out. But it needs to be transparent and you need to be able to have access to those accounts in the event that something happens. And then we want you to have your own money. So ha set up a fund fund. I don't know what I was gonna say. A fund fund. Sub your own account. Yeah, for yourself. Um, and figure out how much can be contributed because again, you're running the household, you're doing all the things that is unpaid labor, so have them pay you for it. And then make sure all of your estate documents are in place, that you have a will, updated beneficiaries, power of attorney, healthcare directives, all of those things need to be really, really just done and reviewed and looked at constantly. Um, and then if you previously had a job where there was a skill or a license or a certification that you needed, keep that up to date. Don't let it lapse. Make sure that you have something that you could, you know, fall back on in the event that you needed to. I always say it's better to have and not need than to need and not have. So keep those licenses, keep those certifications up and running. And then if you are heading for divorce, remember 10 years, start to very, very, very end is the magic number so that you potentially qualify for up to 50% of your soon-to-be ex-spouse's social security benefits because we don't want you not having anything for retirement. And again, that has nothing to do with him. He does not have to sign off on it, he does not have to give you permission. You get to do that all on your own as long as you've hit the 10-year mark from married, married to divorce. Did I miss anything, babe? No, okay. So send this to somebody that is living the trad wife life or wants to be a trad wife. Oh, I'm trying so hard not to judge. But if this is a life you want to live, have some protections in place, set yourself up. We do wish you a happy life and a happy marriage. But in the event that you are part of the 50% that ends up divorced, make sure that you have protections in place.

Brandon 38:04

I think our the ick factor for us is the political association and the social views that come with that particular demographic. They don't align with our personal morals, values, social views on how we think things should be done.

Jessica 38:20

Yeah. But have protections in place. Yeah. If that's the life you're that you're gonna sign up. It's the life you want to live, then so that way when you wake up one day and realize this is not what you thought you were gonna sign up for and that you're not living the trad wife life of an Instagram multimillionaire.

Brandon 38:35

Who's yeah, just showing you the fake version.

Jessica 38:38

Yes, the not real life version. Um, then hopefully you can do something about it. And that's crazy.

Brandon 38:44

Just think about it this way. Just think about a woman working, making millions of dollars, telling you that you don't need to work.

Jessica 38:50

Yeah, like what's the irony? I mean, like, oh my gosh. Blows my mind. But they do it so well. They really do just paint this beautiful picture. And maybe one day I will make my own sourdough because I do love sourdough.

Brandon 39:03

I mean, also, not to go from accused tangents back to when Harrison Butker, the kicker for uh the Kansas City Chiefs, uh, made that uh Is that his name?

Jessica 39:11

Butker?

Brandon 39:12

Butner, but Butner, but I think it's Butner. Butner whatever. But making uh doing the commencement speech at that college and telling women that like, you know, you're these women that just worked hard for a minimum of four years to get the degree, and he's telling that the greatest thing that you're ever gonna do is like you need to get married and get become a wife and become a wife and raise kids, and it's like oh I mean, your wife can do that because you make millions of dollars kicking a football.

Jessica 39:37

Again, that is not most people's reality. How many people make it to the NFL? Less than one percent?

Brandon 39:44

Yeah, less than one percent.

Jessica 39:46

So it's always the people with the exceptional life, literally the exceptional life, telling other people how easy it is to just do the thing. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, we hope we taught you something today. You could be the trad wife, but you can also have protections and you can also set yourself up for a more solid financial future for retirement. So make sure that you send this to somebody, maybe listen to it again if you're the one that's considering this trad wife life. Hopefully, you learn something today, share it with a friend, and we will talk to you next week.