Aug. 27, 2025
103: Stay-at-Home Parenting: The Privileges and Financial Risks
For many families, the decision to become a stay-at-home parent isn’t really a choice, it’s the result of America’s broken childcare system. Daycare costs can swallow an entire paycheck, but leaving the workforce carries hidden financial risks that can last for decades.
In this episode, Jess & Brandon explore:
- How career gaps impact your resume and earning power
- Why retirement savings and Social Security shrink when you’re out of the workforce
- The power imbalances that can emerge in single-income households
- Why divorce hits stay-at-home parents especially hard
- Strategies to safeguard your financial future, from spousal IRAs to postnuptial agreements
If you’re weighing the decision to stay home, or are already living it, this honest conversation will help you navigate the intersection of parenting, money, and identity.
Watch this episode in video form on YouTube
To apply to be a guest on the show
You can email us at: thesugardaddypodcast@gmail.com
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Learn more about Brandon and schedule a free 30-minute introductory call with him
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Chapters
00:00 - Introducing Today's Topic
03:36 - The Reality of Stay-at-Home Parenting
08:32 - Society's Pressure on Parents
13:29 - Financial Risks of Career Breaks
19:17 - Power Imbalances in Single-Income Homes
23:13 - Planning for Financial Protection
29:07 - Finding Balance and Identity
Transcript
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In today's episode, we discuss if being a stay-at-home parent is a privilege or a risk.
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We all know that there are benefits, pros and cons to being a stay-at-home parent, but what happens when life happens and you are no longer financially sound?
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In this episode, we're unpacking the real cost of stepping away from your career and how to protect yourself if you do plan to do it.
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Hey babe, what are we talking about today?
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Today we are talking about being a stay-at-home parent and what that means for people financially.
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Yeah, so we're kind of diving into the aspect of is it a privilege, is it a risk, kind of all those things are associated with making that decision for your family.
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I think it's both, I think you know.
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I think first you have to really think about who you are as a person.
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I knew very early on that, even though we wanted to have children, I did not want to be a stay-at-home parent.
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Now that's not to say that I wouldn't have enjoyed staying home longer, having more of a maternity leave, having better, you know, health benefits, all those things that you know you get in other places besides the United States.
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But you know you have a child, especially your first, and you're like underwater, you're sleep deprived.
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All you want is to like absorb this tiny little human and all their snuggles.
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And then I mean, for some people they go back within days, within four weeks, six weeks I mean you have not even come up for air and you're supposed to go back to work.
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That's insane.
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Yeah, I think the issue is very much focused on being a US thing Because, as you say, a lot of the other countries have a lot more support for parents once they have kids, and here in the United States, even though we have an administration that's talking so much about family first, family first, administration that's talking so much about family first, family first, they are gradually taking away the few things that we do have that do help parents when they first have kids.
00:02:10.198 --> 00:02:19.469
And it discredits me because the thing is we have friends in all different areas of the world, but then also we have friends in the United States that are stay-at-home parents.
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We have ones that, like I don't want to do it at all.
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So we, you know, see all the different aspects of how that works.
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And honestly and the pros and cons of it.
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And, honestly, I would say, the majority of friends that we have.
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Where a parent chose stay at home, it was always the woman.
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I don't we don't currently have any friends that are stay at home dads.
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I'd say that there aren't stay at home dads out there, but the ones that we do know it was more or less from a career standpoint choice, because they were all teachers.
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Yeah.
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So at that point you're just going to work to cover the daycare bill and that doesn't make sense.
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So it has to make financial sense to either decide to stay at work or if that makes you happy.
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You know, like I'm a person, I love and adore my children and I'm so grateful to be a parent, but also that is not the only thing that I find fulfillment in, and I know I need something other than all the house chores and the dishes and the laundry and keeping a spotless house and like that is.
00:03:18.921 --> 00:03:27.243
Yes, it brings me joy because I want my family to be in a home that they are comfortable in and that's beautiful and welcoming and they're safe and calm space.
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But also I need something else, and so there's that you know societal pressure right Of you know what?
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what makes a good parent, you know?
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Oh, you are putting your kid in daycare at six weeks.
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You're a terrible person.
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I mean, there's so much makes a good parent.
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What makes a good mother?
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Yeah, because we are the ones that carry the burden and the pressure.
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There is no pressure for a dad to be a stay-at-home dad, even though in some financial situations it makes sense when the woman is the breadwinner and maybe makes more sense for the father to stay at home.
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But in those scenarios I would say it's hard for the dad to do that because society looks at him as a negative, as if, like, he's not a man because he's putting his family first and doing what is financially sound for his family, which is crazy to me.
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But a lot of the pressure is on women and, in all honesty, is it a choice?
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Because I think it's a broken child care system that leads to this choice.
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So it's not really a choice that they're, like I said personally, we don't know a lot of people that made this choice on their own.
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It was more or less like hey, I only make, I make this amount of money and the amount of money that I'm making in my job will turn around and it's going to pay all that money basically to child care.
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Yeah, thousands of dollars a month.
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So, as a teacher, why would I do that if I'm already spending time?
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I'm already used to spending time with kids.
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Obviously, that's why I chose that career.
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Why don't I do that for my kids and stay at home with my kids.
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Yeah.
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All right, real quick.
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I want to speak to the person listening who feels like they can't work with a financial planner yet because they're carrying a lot of debt.
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First of all, I see you and I need you to know.
00:05:02.466 --> 00:05:04.389
You're not broken, you're not behind.
00:05:04.389 --> 00:05:05.752
You're just in a tough season.
00:05:05.752 --> 00:05:11.461
I created something just for you because I've had people reach out who are serious about changing their money story.
00:05:11.461 --> 00:05:15.391
But the full financial planning package just wasn't the right fit yet.
00:05:15.391 --> 00:05:22.004
So I built a new service through Oak City Financial that's focused completely on debt reduction no fluff, no shame.
00:05:22.004 --> 00:05:29.028
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00:05:29.028 --> 00:05:34.346
If you want extra support while you climb out, it's $300 to get started and $100 a month.
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If you want that ongoing guidance, that's it.
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This is about helping you get unstuck, not making you feel like you failed.
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If this sounds like what you've been needing, go ahead and schedule a call with me.
00:05:44.384 --> 00:05:45.766
The link is in the show notes.
00:05:45.766 --> 00:05:47.348
Let's take the first step together.
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Well, and I think too, now there's another kind of added layer where people are choosing to homeschool because, unfortunately, school does not feel like a safe place, especially in the United States.
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So there's that added.
00:06:02.081 --> 00:06:03.363
I mean, I think about that.
00:06:03.384 --> 00:06:08.113
Not even just a safe place, just not the education that we should expect in the United States.
00:06:08.300 --> 00:06:13.110
Yeah, I mean I feel like we're talking about 17 different episodes in one episode right now.
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Let's bring it back, because there's just so much.
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I think what you really have to decide is what kind of parent do you want to be and what do your finances allow you to do?
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And one thing that I'm very firm on right now, in this busy season of life, is I work from home.
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Now I do, you know, I've started traveling internationally again, which I really enjoy, and that is a fulfilling part of my career.
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That's also something where, as our children get older and as our wealth and income increases, I want to take you guys with me.
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I mean, I've seen it at the companies that I've worked at, where all these top executives, I mean, they're just flying all over and you know, hey, the hotel room is already booked, the yacht is already booked, the event is already booked.
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Bring your family.
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So there are those perks that I think about, where, as the kids get older, I want to bring Aston on business trips, and then we go early, we stay late and we have our girl time, and then I do it with Roman, and you know, obviously I would love for you to come along, and so those are things that I think about when I think about my career, but one thing that I'm not willing to sacrifice right now is I'm not going to sit in traffic for an hour hour and a half, commuting one way there, one way back, missing dinner time, et cetera.
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And so for me, even though it feels stressful I certainly don't want to glamorize it but I am grateful that I can go from my office, which is right next to the kitchen, to the kitchen to make our kids dinner, you know, every single night, and I'm home with them, and I do think that, looking back at my childhood, you know my mom was home.
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She was there to make us our meals and we sat around the table very traditionally back in the day and had dinner together as a family, and those are things that I do think are important and shape who we are, and it is a privilege to be able to do that.
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And you know, in my scenario my mother raised my brother and I and so obviously she had to work and she had a career.
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She was a college professor.
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And I think with you.
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She went back within days of having you, which is like insane.
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Well, because at the time it was from an insurance standpoint Right.
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I ended up having to switch jobs to have insurance.
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Another societal flaw.
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The whole reason behind all of that.
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Yeah, but so she's a new mother.
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The whole reason behind all of that, so.
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But I'm yeah, but so she's a new mother.
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You popped out mere days ago and now she's having to leave you.
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She's breastfeeding, she's doing all these things and she's having to leave you for insurance.
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That is a societal problem.
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That is insane.
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Like your hormones do not regulate themselves and go back to their baseline level of where they're supposed to be until almost two years after you deliver and you have women going back into the office within days of delivery, I mean, you're literally still wearing a diaper.
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It's insane.
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It's a broken child care system.
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It's a broken system.
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Healthcare, child care.
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Making that choice as being a stay-at-home mom.
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Yeah, I feel like I should have gotten my mind right a little bit more for this episode, because I'm getting fired up over here.
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And I also want to preface that we're not one way or the other, because we are all for whatever works for your family.
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We were the ones that needed to make that decision what works for you.
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We made a decision what works for us, but by no means is this episode screwing one way or the other.
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However, we do want the conversation because there are some financial truths that do need to be discussed and there also can be some proper planning.
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That could happen before you have your family and make that decision.
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That would actually make the outcome a lot easier for you.
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Yes, because there is privilege and risk in staying home for either partner.
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So whoever decides to stay home, even if it's six months a year, three years, oh, until our kids go to, you know, pre-k whatever time frame you're putting on this, you are stepping away from the workforce.
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You will have a gap in your resume.
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I do think that there's a societal shift where, you know, if you see a gap in a resume, I think people are more empowered to say, hey, I stepped away to raise my children, or I had elderly parents that needed to.
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That is very new and people are, you know, not everybody's comfortable having that conversation.
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However, people are feeling more empowered to be, you know, to prioritize their families and to say I stepped away to be with my family, whatever that might look like, or to take care of my health or whatever that might be.
00:10:56.046 --> 00:10:58.731
And but there is financial risk.
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I mean, if you think about, you know you're not contributing to your 401k at that time you are, you know you're lacking an entirely separate income, so your savings is probably not where you want it to be, and I mean life is already so expensive as it is right now.
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So if you are a one income household, think about how much income one person needs to generate in order to, I mean, just cover the basics.
00:11:24.831 --> 00:11:31.408
Right, you're thinking about, you know, we're not talking about the dinners out and the vacations, we're talking basics.
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Now you've got diapers formula potential.
00:11:33.926 --> 00:11:37.946
You know, other child Children are expensive.
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So I mean, there's just so many things that I could list right now.
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Yeah, I mean.
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One thing that's really hurting people is that obviously, cost of things are increasing and we're not necessarily seeing the increase in our pay.
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So having a two income household can be significantly more beneficial when it comes to taking care of all those expenses.
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Now also, a two income household also helps with risk mitigation, because in this day and age, when we've experienced ourself, layoffs are real and when you have two people working, if one person gets laid off, at least you still have some income coming in, as compared if you're solely reliant upon one person's income if something happens to that.
00:12:14.024 --> 00:12:15.206
It's scary yeah.
00:12:15.534 --> 00:12:19.044
Now also the thing is, as you stated before, you know retirement savings.
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You know if you're not currently working, you don't have access to a 401k plan through an employer match, anything of that nature.
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But then also there's the thing of Social Security, because Social Security is based off of your income that you've been making throughout the years leading up to when you take it.
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So if you are currently not working, you're obviously not contributing to Social Security and that's going to lower the amount that you would be eligible for once you do become Social Security age.
00:12:43.504 --> 00:12:44.366
Which sidebar.
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I think people our age right, millennial, zillennial, I mean most of us, I think have come to terms with the fact that it is not going to be around.
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And let me just go on record to state I want to uncheck the box for Social Security coming out of my paycheck, every paycheck, because we know it's not going to be there.
00:13:03.076 --> 00:13:15.898
We're paying into a system that is paying out currently and is not going to be available, probably within 10 years unless something drastically changes, and I'm kind of pissed about contributing to something that I'm not going to have access to.
00:13:15.898 --> 00:13:17.000
We can keep going.
00:13:17.081 --> 00:13:19.226
Yeah, that could be a whole nother topic.
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Yeah, we'll add it to the list of growing topics.
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One thing that I've seen in people that I know that when you have a stay at home I'm just going to say what it is Normally majority of time stay at home mom, you have a stay-at-home mom and the husband is working.
00:13:32.881 --> 00:13:35.244
Sometimes you can see a power imbalance.
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I wish you would, but I get it, I get it.
00:13:38.947 --> 00:13:48.059
I've seen scenarios where you know the man is the one working, the woman is staying at home taking care of the kid and she's working as well.
00:13:48.059 --> 00:13:52.095
Obviously that's the hardest job, job, but she's not quote unquote bringing in outside income and Unpaid labor.
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Decisions made that I would consider to be a joint decision that needs to be discussed, where the man makes a decision without the wife.
00:13:59.416 --> 00:14:00.761
Like buying expensive things.
00:14:00.875 --> 00:14:03.775
Yeah, like expensive things that they don't necessarily need, like.
00:14:03.775 --> 00:14:12.244
So I've seen scenarios where the husband goes out and buys a new car, luxury car, luxury car without even having a conversation with his wife about it.
00:14:12.634 --> 00:14:25.363
If you make decisions like that in your house, unless there's, like you know, maybe this is not that scenario, but let's say you know you had a prenup.
00:14:25.363 --> 00:14:34.644
Maybe you did a post-nut like we did, Maybe there's a trust fund, Maybe there was an inheritance, and now it's like no, this is my money, this is not our communal money, Right.
00:14:34.644 --> 00:14:40.076
Then it's like that's different, right, Because like that's something that maybe you actually worked out and put some parameters around.
00:14:40.076 --> 00:14:41.440
That's typically not the case.
00:14:41.440 --> 00:14:54.136
But for somebody to feel so emboldened to be like I make the money, I get to make the choices and I can spend this money how I want, that is so disrespectful.
00:14:54.136 --> 00:14:59.022
I cannot even imagine being in a relationship where that thought would even cross my partner's mind Like that blows my mind.
00:14:59.495 --> 00:15:03.245
I mean, and also with that that leads into, what if you get divorced?
00:15:04.532 --> 00:15:05.095
Right hello.
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So if you have been a, so just hypothetically, you've been a stay-at-home mom for five or 10 years.
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You have that gap in your resume.
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Maybe there was some power imbalance so therefore you weren't necessarily part of the joint making of financial decisions.
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And now you guys got divorced.
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And what are you left with?
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Are you prepared to start over?
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What are you going to get?
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Are you going to get anything?
00:15:24.715 --> 00:15:52.878
Yeah, I do think, and we have people in our circle who you know maybe were nurses or accountants, or you know they were professionals in their own right before stepping away from their careers and they have maintained their certifications and their licenses and their continuing education credits, not because they feel like their relationship or their marriage is at risk, but because it's good to have, for all the reasons that we've already talked about.
00:15:52.878 --> 00:15:56.456
You know, you've already, you've gone to school, you've gotten your credentials.
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You might as well keep them up just in case, like if you stepped away as a teacher and to raise your children.
00:16:04.620 --> 00:16:08.716
Eventually your children will all be in school, unless you're homeschooling.
00:16:09.278 --> 00:16:11.745
My thought was always what do you do then?
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You know, like if we were in a position where I didn't have to work and our children were of school age and I have, you know, let's call it six to eight hours a day to do what I want, I mean, yes, it's great to do charitable, you know, work and be philanthropic, and to give yourself two hours to exercise every day and then do your housework, and like I mean that sounds lovely.
00:16:37.167 --> 00:16:47.407
I mean, for me, that would be lovely for a period of time, but I mean you have to think about, like what happens once your kids are in school, like what do you plan on doing with your time?
00:16:47.407 --> 00:16:48.976
I think you need to think about that too.
00:16:48.976 --> 00:17:02.528
Will you plan to go back to work at that point and what can you do to, you know, kind of stay networking, keep your credentials up, make yourself a desirable candidate if and when that time comes.
00:17:03.674 --> 00:17:19.067
Yeah, and you know kind of, with that being said, like we've discussed some of the hard truths that come with, you know, having a stay-at-home parent, more specifically a stay-at-home mom, yeah, but what are some of the things that you can potentially do if that's a decision that your family is going to make?
00:17:19.067 --> 00:17:24.226
I would say, first and foremost, is that, making that, having a conversation about it before it just happens?
00:17:24.226 --> 00:17:27.777
Yes, so, first and foremost, like hey, what will this look?
00:17:27.817 --> 00:17:33.833
like, if we're thinking about having kids, hopefully in the scenario you're planning beforehand, do you want to be a stay-at-home mom?
00:17:33.833 --> 00:17:35.396
Does it make more sense financially?
00:17:36.398 --> 00:17:37.201
And how long?
00:17:37.201 --> 00:17:38.463
How long do you think?
00:17:38.683 --> 00:17:39.546
Having that conversation.
00:17:39.546 --> 00:17:40.796
So you know the first part of it.
00:17:40.796 --> 00:17:44.546
Like you said, having the conversation and making of having a financial plan.
00:17:44.926 --> 00:17:45.186
Yeah.
00:17:45.335 --> 00:18:00.215
Because if you have two incomes and now you're going to be living off of one, have you sat down and looked at all the numbers and actually put together a plan that makes sense, that will allow your family to have that stay-at-home parent while also making sure that they're able to cover all the expenses that are necessary?
00:18:00.797 --> 00:18:22.724
I think there also needs to be like a plan A and a plan B, because the reality is, especially with your first child I mean, regardless of how many children, your hormones are doing a lot of things and you might go into this scenario thinking, hey, I'm going to be good to go back to work 12 weeks, right, my maternity leave is 12 weeks, I'm good.
00:18:22.724 --> 00:18:25.056
And then you're like, oh my gosh, that came and went.
00:18:25.056 --> 00:18:26.897
I'm not ready to leave my baby.
00:18:26.897 --> 00:18:27.919
So then what do you do?
00:18:27.919 --> 00:18:31.362
Like A, can you extend, and what does that mean for your finances?
00:18:31.362 --> 00:18:51.698
So I feel like you need to have like a caveat of like, ok, we're going to plan for this, but then it's going to be this Because even with our son Roman, who was born in October, in December he ended up being hospitalized for RSV and so he was in the hospital for a few days, and I mean he was a newborn.
00:18:51.718 --> 00:18:52.499
So I was terrified.
00:18:52.499 --> 00:19:04.231
I was like I'm certainly not putting my child, who just was hospitalized for a breathing condition, into daycare, which is a cesspool and petri dish of germs.
00:19:04.231 --> 00:19:12.777
Okay, we'll do 12 or 13 weeks.
00:19:12.777 --> 00:19:16.183
And it ended up being, you know, 15, 16 weeks for him, because I just was like I cannot put him in daycare, he's too small.
00:19:16.183 --> 00:19:29.557
I just had these visions of like him being hooked up to all the tubes and the oxygen and all the things, and it was terrifying and I was like, absolutely not, I cannot, I'm not going to work, I need to, like sit here and watch him breathe every second of the day.
00:19:29.557 --> 00:19:37.230
And so things like that happen and you have to be prepared for them, not only in well, what's your job going to do?
00:19:37.230 --> 00:19:41.884
And are they going to say OK, or what does it mean for your finances?
00:19:41.884 --> 00:19:48.067
Because at that point you know, I was over my maternity leave and I was just off of work.
00:19:50.414 --> 00:19:52.662
Once again, like I think it really comes down to planning.
00:19:52.662 --> 00:19:56.909
Yes, one thing, and knowing the details, not just a high level overview.
00:19:56.909 --> 00:20:00.902
You do need to dive into the details because you need to make a plan from.
00:20:00.902 --> 00:20:03.977
You know the finance standpoint as far as how much money you're going to have off of one income.
00:20:03.977 --> 00:20:04.698
Where's that going?
00:20:04.698 --> 00:20:11.750
But then also like, hey, maybe if I'm planning on being a stay atat-home mom, I don't quit my job beforehand.
00:20:11.750 --> 00:20:12.777
Let me go ahead.
00:20:12.777 --> 00:20:17.928
If I have a good maternity leave, take advantage of that, whatever it may be, and then quit afterwards.
00:20:17.928 --> 00:20:27.440
Yeah, I mean, your job may not like it, but like, let's be honest, if your job wanted to get rid of you, then they'll do it in their best interest, so why not do it in your best?
00:20:27.560 --> 00:20:32.196
interest, right Well, and there's a lot of.
00:20:32.196 --> 00:20:33.179
I mean there's a lot of benefits too.
00:20:33.179 --> 00:20:36.748
Obviously, if you're in that corporate life of some companies have really great benefits, you know.
00:20:36.748 --> 00:20:40.526
So if you can take advantage of that, take advantage of that.
00:20:41.036 --> 00:20:42.575
Also, it's talking through the logistics.
00:20:42.575 --> 00:20:47.467
So it's like, for example, if you're not going to, the mom's not going to be bringing in an income anymore.
00:20:47.467 --> 00:20:51.709
How is that going to look from like her own you know, her own big account?
00:20:51.709 --> 00:20:58.392
Is the you know husband going to split his salary that comes in and give her a certain amount?
00:20:58.392 --> 00:20:59.291
What's that going to look like?
00:20:59.992 --> 00:21:02.396
I know, but then it's like, don't you get into like the whole?
00:21:02.396 --> 00:21:07.067
Oh, I'm getting an allowance which, if that's what you decide.
00:21:07.335 --> 00:21:08.740
I'm simply stating that you need to talk through it.
00:21:08.740 --> 00:21:12.900
I'm not saying how you do it, but you need to talk through it.
00:21:12.900 --> 00:21:14.728
I'm not saying how you do it, but you need to talk about it and make a decision.
00:21:14.728 --> 00:21:15.309
Yeah, that makes sense.
00:21:15.309 --> 00:21:17.758
For example, in my ideal scenario is that the salary comes into the joint account.
00:21:17.758 --> 00:21:19.402
Things are paid from the joint account.
00:21:20.003 --> 00:21:22.855
Right, yeah, I mean you have to have a discussion.
00:21:22.855 --> 00:21:23.736
What does it look like?
00:21:23.736 --> 00:21:24.756
Know the numbers?
00:21:24.756 --> 00:21:31.358
I mean there's so much Basically, if you don't have a plan, it's all going to fall apart.
00:21:31.739 --> 00:21:35.961
But also, too, is you have to have the conversation A lot of people don't have.
00:21:35.961 --> 00:21:42.003
Is that, since the mom is not working, how is that going to look from a contributing to a retirement account?
00:21:42.003 --> 00:22:01.512
So a lot of people are not aware of things called spousal IRAs and what that's for is an, because people honestly a lot of people also don't realize that, for example, a lot of these types of accounts like a 401k plan you have to have through your employer often, and then an IRA, you have to earn income in a given year to even just contribute to an IRA, additional IRA.
00:22:01.593 --> 00:22:03.032
Yeah, you have to earn something.
00:22:03.032 --> 00:22:03.973
You have to earn income.
00:22:04.275 --> 00:22:07.999
So they have things called spousal IRAs that allow you to contribute to a stay-at-home spouse's IRA without them having to earn any income.
00:22:07.999 --> 00:22:10.820
That allow you to contribute to a stay-at-home spouse's IRA without them having to earn any income.
00:22:10.820 --> 00:22:21.632
So having a conversation about that and saying like hey, we're going to set this up and we're going to contribute to this spousal IRA for the non-working spouse, yeah, I mean I certainly would want again some sort.
00:22:22.815 --> 00:22:23.516
We're both products of divorce.
00:22:23.556 --> 00:22:32.628
So even though we are happily married, we still are planning for the worst case, and then you hope to never have to cross that bridge.
00:22:33.131 --> 00:22:43.086
But having seen my parents go through a divorce when I was in my late 20s, you do kind of always have that lingering thought of like well, what if right?
00:22:43.086 --> 00:22:54.067
Like my mom thought she was going to be insured by TRICARE for the rest of her life and now she works so that she gets health insurance and she's miserable because she has to work for health insurance.
00:22:54.067 --> 00:22:56.596
I mean, like I don't want to live that life, you know.
00:22:56.596 --> 00:23:20.962
So if I had decided to be a stay at home parent, I would have wanted all those protections in place to make sure that we are contributing, you know, at the same savings rate into retirement accounts, that we both have life insurance, like all of those things are really important, not only for the protection of your family but also for the protection of you.
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