Engage: How to Dream Out Loud Together as a Couple
This is step three of D.R.E.A.M (DIVE REFLECT ENGAGE ACT MANAGE)™, our free series to help couples talk about money and build a life together. You've looked at your past and your patterns. Now money gets fun. Welcome to the no judgment zone.
The step most couples skip
You can't build a shared future if you don't know what your partner is dreaming about. We see it all the time. One partner dreams big in silence while the other handles the daily bills and to do lists. Then one day you realize you've been walking side by side, but not in the same direction.
Engage fixes that. It's time set aside for one thing: talking about what you want your life to look like.
Our Bora Bora dream
One of our earliest big dreams was Bora Bora. Overwater bungalows, turquoise water, morning coffee with the ocean right under our feet.
It started as a half joking "someday" when we were broke newlyweds. But the more we talked about it, the more real it felt. We started saving, not a lot, just something. And slowly our everyday choices started lining up with the vision.
To be clear, we haven't been yet. And when we go, we're not flying coach. We want the big mac daddy bungalow from the movies. When we say dream big, we mean it.
Your dreams might be lavish or beautifully simple. Either way, nobody gets to judge them, not even your partner.
Try this together
Take turns asking and answering these starter questions.
- If money weren't a factor, what would you want our life to look like 5, 10 or 20 years from now?
- What's one experience or adventure you've always wanted to have together?
- What would your perfect Tuesday look like 20 years from now? Where are you, what are you doing, and who's with you?
When your partner shares a dream, don't jump into problem solving mode. The goal right now isn't to figure out how. It's to fall in love with why.
Dream in detail
Vague dreams are easy to forget. Detailed dreams pull you forward. So no fuzzy answers allowed.
Dream kitchen? Talk floors, lighting, cabinet knobs and the wine cooler in the island. Trip of a lifetime? How you get there, what you eat, what you wear and who comes along. Go all the way down to the tablecloth color.
Make it real
Pick one of these, or try all three:
- Vision board: grab a poster board or open Pinterest together. Add pictures for travel, career, home, family and freedom.
- Life letters: each write a letter describing your ideal life five years from now. Read them out loud and notice where your dreams overlap and where they differ. Both matter.
- Dream date night: one evening to talk only about what you're dreaming about, not what's stressing you out. Good food, your favorite drink and big imaginations.
When you're done, write down your top three shared dreams. Come back to them when things get bumpy and you need a reminder of what you're building.
Don't just dream about having money. Dream about what it can do for you. Money is a tool, so use it that way.
What's next
Dreams are the destination. In the next step, Act, we'll show you how to turn them into goals you'll actually hit.
Want all the questions for every step, plus a workbook that saves your answers side by side? Get the D.R.E.A.M™ Money Guide for Couples.
Find the full D.R.E.A.M (DIVE REFLECT ENGAGE ACT MANAGE)™ series, plus videos from the podcast, at thesugardaddypodcast.com/dream.
Rooting for you,
Jess & Brandon
Co-Host
Jessica works in sales enablement and IT strategy. A former classroom teacher, she is also the author of the award winning Your Hair is Magic line of children’s books. “Your Hair is Magic: Bed Head” was featured on LIVE with Kelly and Ryan on ABC in 2021. She has been featured on WRAL, Spectrum News, Fox 46 and more. Jessica is a dynamic and inspirational speaker, but her favorite job title is "mama."
