137: My Mom Gifted Me a $400K Property and Won't Include My Boyfriend. Am I the A-hole?

The Dilemma Setup

Jessica 0:00

Am I the a-hole for accepting a property gift from my mom, even though she won't include my boyfriend? I've got a juicy one for you today, babe. It's not from Reddit, but it's from Threads. You know, I be loving me some threads these days. We're gonna get into it.

SPEAKER_00 0:16

Sugar Daddy Podcast, yo. Learn how to make them pockets grow. Financial freedoms where we go. Smart investments, money flow.

Jessica 0:26

Welcome to the Sugar Daddy Podcast, where we help you build a clear financial plan so you can feel confident and in control of your money. Babe, I've got a juicy one today.

Brandon 0:38

Okay, okay, okay.

Reading The Property Gift Story

Gut Reactions And Red Flags

Jessica 0:40

All right. This is from Threads. It's giving Reddit, but it's actually from Threads. So I just want to count, shout that out. Oh my gosh, if y'all are not on Threads, it is like my favorite corner of the internet right now. Let's get into it. I want to get your raw reaction. I very clearly have a POV on this. I think you will too. Um, but let's just let's just get into it. Okay, I'm gonna read this. Am I the a-hole for accepting a property gift from my mom, even though she won't include my boyfriend? I'm 30, female, and my mom owns a rental property in Sacramento worth around$400,000. She's been saying for years she wants to give it to me, and she's finally ready to transfer it. The catch is she wants it in my name only and wants me to sign something that keeps it separate from any future marriage. I've been with my boyfriend, who's 33 and male, for three years. We're not engaged, but we've talked about marriage. When I told him about the property, he got excited and started talking about selling it and using the money for a bigger place for us. I explained my mom wants it just in my name and he lost it. Said it's clear my mom doesn't see him as a part of my future, and that by accepting these conditions, I'm agreeing with her. He wants me to turn down the gift. My sister called me crying, saying I'd be insane to give up a$400,000 property because of my boyfriend throwing a tantrum. My dad says if my boyfriend really loved me, he'd want me to have it regardless of whose name it's in. My boyfriend is barely speaking to me. He says his parents would never treat me this way, and that accepting the gift means I'm choosing my mom over him. He thinks the fact that I'm even considering it, take considering taking it shows I don't see a future with him. I told him we're not even engaged yet, so I don't even understand why he thinks he's entitled to a property my mom is giving me. He said that that comment proved his point and he's been staying at a friend's place for the last three days. My mom said if I don't accept it now, she's going to sell it instead. So I either take it with her condition or lose it completely. Am I the asshole for accepting the property, even though my boyfriend thinks it means I don't trust him or see him as my partner? Uh let me just say the comments on this were wild and they were all, I'm sure, in the same point of view that you're gonna have. What is your gut reaction?

Brandon 3:09

Absolutely not the a-hole.

Jessica 3:11

Right.

Brandon 3:11

Like I my first, you know, initial thought is I think the parents saw who he is.

Jessica 3:21

Oh, yes.

Brandon 3:22

I think the parents 100% see who her boyfriend is. And one, I think the stipulations for what they're putting in place, even if they love the person, is a great idea.

Jessica 3:33

Right.

Brandon 3:33

But I also think that they 100% see who this individual is, and they were making sure that this needs to be in place because I don't think he's gonna be around. And if he's around for much longer, it's not gonna end well.

Jessica 3:44

I mean, so I agree. So I'm also going to say the fact that he's throwing a tantrum, has moved in with his friend temporarily, isn't speaking to her, like red flag, red flag, red flag. All day. All day. If you cannot even have a mature conversation about something as large as property, but that also isn't his. It's not his. And even if they're not married, right? Like you are dating. Like, why would your name be on this property when you're the boyfriend?

Brandon 4:16

Yeah.

Jessica 4:17

Like to even expect that is also a red flag, right?

Brandon 4:20

I mean, I think the way that he responded to this whole situation tells her everything that she really should be listening to.

Jessica 4:26

Yeah. Yeah.

Brandon 4:27

As in, like, this is not the one for you.

Jessica 4:30

No, like take the property and leave the guy, because this ain't it.

Brandon 4:34

Because I could tell you that, like, if this was a scenario from Just and I and her parents were going to give her a property, cool. That's your property, your family came from their money.

Jessica 4:44

Yeah.

Brandon 4:44

Take it. It's a benefit. Because the thing is, too, is the property can be in her name. She owns it, and they could use and make the rental income. It'll be a benefit for benefit for him. The rental income that's coming off of the property um could be a benefit for them as they grow their future together.

Jessica 5:01

Right. Their lifestyle, their income.

Brandon 5:03

He seems like he wants to have full control of what's done with it.

Jessica 5:06

I want to sell it, I want the money, so we could Yeah, he's already listening that money in his head was already deposited and spent.

Brandon 5:14

Yes.

Jessica 5:15

Because she said that he wanted to sell it and buy a bigger place.

Healthy Money Boundaries In Couples

Brandon 5:18

Yeah. And the thing is too, is um sometimes what parents are doing is also based off of negative experiences they've had in their own lives. So for example, like I'm gonna use as a very clear example in our own scenario where one of my part of my mom's you know stipulation in regards to what um my brother and I inherit is that we have it set up so once again that it stays in our quote unquote bloodline. So for example, if I inherited money, whatever happened if um if Jess and I were separate, that she doesn't get the inheritance.

Jessica 5:50

Your mom made that very clear to me one day when you were not around. And that was a super fun conversation. But the idea is that we have so But I wasn't offended because like I didn't marry you for money or your mom's money. So like I ID G A F, like seriously.

Brandon 6:07

And so, like, even with unlike our postnup, we have that whatever Jess inherits from her parents is hers to keep, and whatever I inherit from mine is mine, and it's separate. But like the fact that he is having such a childish reaction to this situation. Like, even the idea the fact that she brought this to him and was saying this is what's going on, and just trying to talk through with him, he got upset for her even talking about it.

Jessica 6:32

Yeah, and then he shut down. I feel like there's so many red flags here.

Brandon 6:36

He can't have an adult conversation if it's not her agreeing with his point of view.

Jessica 6:41

Right. And that is not going to make for a a strong future.

Brandon 6:46

Because there's going to be so many other things that come up.

Jessica 6:49

Yeah.

Brandon 6:49

And they're just not going to be able to work through disagreements in a constructive manner.

Jessica 6:55

I think too, the fact that, like you said, a$400,000 property in California that seemingly is already has already been a rental and is now part of the family, that should just be seen as a benefit. Like it should just be, there should not even be question about it. It's like whether we sell it or rent it out, like this is now a financial gain for us as a couple. And of course it should be in your name because it's coming from your mom and we are not married. And even like you said, if they were married, it's still coming from from her mom. So I don't know. This has red flags written all over it for me. So I wanted to bring it to you, even though I knew you were gonna say what you said, but the internet was going wild over this one.

Brandon 7:41

So I mean, even in the scenario where, like when Jess and I came together, Jess owned her own home. I owned my own home, and we operated as they were our own. Now, you know, the decisions that we ultimately made with them were talking through it together and coming into agreement what to do, but I never was like, Jess, you need to do this with your home, or I need to do this with my home. Because even in the scenario when we first moved in together, she moved into um the townhouse that I had and was renting out her home. I had thoughts on how she should rent out her home, but ultimately it was her decision. And like I was like, you know, I think maybe you could try this, but like whatever you want to do is what you do because it's your home, it's not mine.

Jessica 8:21

Yeah, but I think in a mature relationship, you would talk about those things, knowing that it's ultimately still the other person's decision.

SPEAKER_00 8:29

Yeah.

Jessica 8:30

So yeah, I don't know. This one, it really struck me because I had a very strong reaction to it as well. Like, girl, these are red flags, please run. And then to your earlier point, I definitely think mama already knows who this dude is. And she's like, not with my money, not with these benefits, like absolutely not. So yeah. Uh run.

Brandon 8:54

Can you remember any uh run any strong comments that stood out in your mind that you can remember?

Jessica 8:59

Oh, most of them were take the property and leave the asshole. Yeah. Like everybody was like, This is not even a question. Like this is so obvious. Like, there's so many red f red flags here. You need to leave him and take that property.

Brandon 9:12

And know what's interesting because like just and I both on our own read through a lot of these, you know, am I the a hole in these scenarios? And when it's ones where, you know, one person is in a negative relationship where it's very much one-sided, one person is being a terrible person and that you shouldn't be with them. It sometimes is actually very helpful for them to put it out to the internet and see what even strangers think about it.

Jessica 9:35

Right. Because Yeah, sometimes you've got the blinders on, or you're so in love, or you're like, this is my person, and it's like, mm-hmm.

Brandon 9:42

Or like the people who love you the most, for some reason you just don't listen to their advice.

Jessica 9:46

Right. Yeah. But the internet will tell you and they will be brutally honest. And the comments were brutally honest that absolutely she should take the property, be thankful that her mom is setting her up for this, and absolutely leave him. Well, we already, because I mean, you wouldn't have to be. Yeah.

Prenups, Postnups, And Bloodlines

Brandon 10:08

That's where that's where and that's where the line's drawn.

Jessica 10:10

Well, and you know, now that we are a team prenup for you know, all the reasons we've done our episodes for, listen, our kids are I don't care if they get married at 24, which I will not be recommending, they will be getting a prenup.

Brandon 10:24

I mean, if you look at like, you know, all the old money names. So, you know, think like even if you're like the Rockefellers, if you're, you know, if you want to be a conspiracy theorist like the Rothschilds and stuff like that, most of those families require a prenup for you to inherit anything. Yeah. If you do not, if you get married and you do not have a prenup or a post, whatever it may be, you are not you are written out of the will.

The “Standard Prenup” TV Example

Jessica 10:49

Yeah. Oh, I just finished. Uh, shout out to season two of Running Point with Kate Hudson, that basketball show that I watched.

Brandon 10:58

I didn't watch it.

Jessica 10:58

But I love it. But she, you know, she's the president of her family's business, which is they own a basketball franchise, like they own a basketball team, the LA Waves. Anyways, that came up. She was getting ready to get married, and they were going back and forth about this. It's a standard prenup that her family has. It's not even like a you can make adjustments. It was like, you either sign it or you can't get married. And so he was asking like one of the one of the examples was like, I have 48 hours to move out of the house and grab all of my belongings if we separate, right? Which made me think about ours, because ours is not 48 hours. So that's that's very short. Um, and he was like, that's feels really unreasonable. Like, can we extend it? Da-da-da. And then the family attorney comes in and she's like, Can't we just make a couple of adjustments? And then, like, her brothers are also part owners. The family lawyer who's been the family attorney came in. And, you know, they're giving all these examples of like, if we start making these tiny tweaks now, here's what that actually could snowball into. And here's why this was written this way. And it goes into like, it was so funny. It goes into like, what if he sits on the plane next to this person? They name the person, I think she's a model. Um, you know, they fall in love, he asks for a divorce, but then, you know, if he has shares of the business and sells them to her and then da-da-da, and it was this like snowball effect. And then you wake up one morning and this model now owns the LA waves, right? And it was like this extreme example, but they were basically saying, like, we have this in place to protect the family, and this is a standard agreement. Like, you cannot make changes. Yeah. Now, most of us are not in that position of like, my family owns a basketball team, right? So our prenup, you can go and listen to those episodes, like, or postnup, is is very standard things that make made sense for us in the rules that we wanted to write for ourselves, for our family, et cetera. But like these things are in place for a reason.

SPEAKER_00 12:57

Yeah.

Jessica 12:58

You know? And I get it. Like your mom has worked extremely hard. She was a single mom. She's accumulated a certain amount of wealth.

Brandon 13:05

And also my mom has had multiple divorces.

Jessica 13:07

And your mom has been married four times.

Brandon 13:09

So that's a part of where her that's a part of where her thought process comes from. Like, you know, it it can happen.

Jessica 13:16

You know, so I wanted to be able to do it. But again, I wasn't offended. Like d do I think that your mom thinks I'm with you for money? No, because I've also now been the breadwinner in our relationship, building my own wealth for years. Like so it's not actually an issue, but like if you're getting so sensitive about like somebody's mom giving them a property and you're not married and you're not putting their name on it, like, who are you? That's crazy.

Should We Keep These Scenarios

Brandon 13:46

Yeah, that's like I said, once again, that's just red flags all over the place.

Jessica 13:51

All over the place. So if you have a different opinion on this, please let us know because I would love to hear your justification on like why you think this dude should be on this property.

Brandon 14:04

And honestly, I'm gonna put this, I'm gonna put this this claim around. Do not talk about religious stuff. Like, don't be like, because and the Bible says this, the Bible says But they're not even married. I know that's my what my point, like just in general, like I feel like that's the only I'm not gonna even say it's justified.

Jessica 14:19

Does the Bible talk about dating relationships?

Brandon 14:22

I feel like that somebody might come out of the woodworks with that's their reasoning why that the Bible says this and da-da-da-da-da. It's like the Bible also says like stuff about stoning your wives and stuff like that.

Jessica 14:31

So, like I mean, fair, very valid. Okay, well, if you have an opinion that is maybe non-religious, according to Brandon's new stipulation.

Brandon 14:40

I mean, you could put it out there, but don't also don't get upset when people attack you for it.

Jessica 14:44

I'm just saying, slide in our DMs. I want to hear why you think that maybe he is entitled to being on this property and/or what she should do. But I think our stance is very firmly she should take the property and leave the guy because there are nothing but red flags on this.

Brandon 15:00

Yeah.

Jessica 15:01

Yeah. So I'm loving these. Let us know if you have feedback. Do you like us doing like the kind of Reddit threads and these like scenarios? Um, I think you know, the world is very heavy right now, and finance is heavy for a lot of us. And so I think these are a nice way to kind of cut through some of the heaviness while still talking about finances in a different way. So now that we've started doing them, we've had a couple of them. Give us your feedback. Do you like them? Should we keep them? Should we do more of them? What do you think? Slide in our DMs, send us an email, send us a note on Instagram, let us know. We will talk to you next week. Thanks for being with us. Don't forget, Benjamin Franklin said, an investment in knowledge pays the best interest. You just got paid. Until next time.

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SPEAKER_00 15:49

Sugar Daddy Podcast go. Learn how to make the pockets grow. Finance and freedom's where we grow. Smart investments, money flow.

Jessica 15:58

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SPEAKER_01 16:28

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