Nov. 12, 2025
114: Why Most Women Are Financially Blind and How to Fix It
Are you walking blind when it comes to your finances? In this episode, Jessica and Brandon are going back to basics because too many people are waking up to financial realities way too late. They're breaking down why it’s so dangerous not to know where your money is, how your bills are being paid, or even what accounts exist. Whether you're married, partnered, or handling things solo, this episode will give you the tools and mindset shift to take back control. We cover: The hidden risks of no...
Are you walking blind when it comes to your finances?
In this episode, Jessica and Brandon are going back to basics because too many people are waking up to financial realities way too late. They're breaking down why it’s so dangerous not to know where your money is, how your bills are being paid, or even what accounts exist. Whether you're married, partnered, or handling things solo, this episode will give you the tools and mindset shift to take back control.
We cover:
- The hidden risks of not knowing how your household finances work
- Why women are disproportionately affected and how to change that
- What “financial visibility” actually means (and how to get it)
- The first steps to organize your bills, accounts, and debt
- Tools we personally use to track everything in one place
- What to do today to protect yourself and your family
This isn’t about shame. It’s about empowerment. Let’s help you build a financial system that works even if life doesn’t go according to plan.
Show Notes:
- Sign up for Monarch Money
- Get our "When I Die" Guide
- Episode 45: When I Die- A Guide to Support Loved Ones After You’re Gone
Head over to our YouTube channel to catch this episode in full video form.
Apply to be a guest on the show.
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Money, relationships, and the mindset to master both. Hosted by financial advisor Brandon and his wife Jessica, The Sugar Daddy Podcast breaks down how to build wealth, unpack old money beliefs, and have real conversations about love and finances. Our mission? To help couples and individuals grow rich in every sense of the word: emotionally, relationally and financially.
Chapters
00:00 - Why Financial Visibility Matters
02:30 - The Wake-Up Call Story
05:20 - Start At Home Base: Bills And Basics
09:30 - Shared Docs And Changing Lenders
14:30 - Credit Reports And Hidden Accounts
18:20 - Women, Risk, And Financial Infidelity
23:30 - Advisors Should Serve Both Partners
28:00 - Grief-Proofing Your Household Systems
Transcript
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In today's episode, we are going to talk about getting crystal clear on where our money is.
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And I mean we're going back to basics.
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Where is our mortgage sitting?
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How is our light bill getting paid?
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How does our lawn care get paid?
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We are getting back to basics because too many people have been reaching out to Brandon and myself with emergent situations that could have been prevented.
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Hey babe, what are we talking about today?
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Today we're talking about something that is very near and dear to my heart.
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And we've been getting too many messages, emails, even in our own personal circles of friends, um, where divorce is imminent.
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And the overwhelming sense of I don't know anything about our financial situation is coming up over and over again.
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And it breaks my heart and it is preventable.
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Um, I am finishing up this book by Jen Hatmaker.
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It's called Awake.
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And I was telling you about one of the chapters where she talks about going through this divorce, but she basically wakes up at 46 years old and realizes she doesn't know how any of the bills in her house get paid.
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And she was earning money, right?
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She was she was a published author, she was doing speaking engagements, she was earning money.
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She was not the main breadwinner.
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And I don't, from what I can tell, her her earnings might not have been super consistent.
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Like, I get paid on the first and 15th of every month.
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But she was earning money.
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She, you know, had a career and she woke up, is going through this super terrible divorce, and is like, I don't know how my light bill gets paid.
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I don't know where our mortgage is.
00:02:02.319 --> 00:02:08.319
And she meets with a financial planner because, you know, she's she's grieving, she's angry, she's feeling all the feels.
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And she meets with a financial um advisor, and he basically is just asking her very simple questions, and she cannot answer a single question.
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And I know that that sounds really extreme, but that is the reality of a lot of people's situations.
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Exactly.
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And even I would say in the in the last 60 or even 90 days, we've gotten emails and information and DMs from people who are kind of getting woken up to a financial reality that they didn't realize was happening.
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And that is because whether you're a woman or a man, you are walking through the world blind.
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You are walking blind when it comes to your family finances.
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And so I kind of want to just talk about why it's so important to have an awareness and an understanding of what is going on financially in your home so that you don't have that moment that Jen Hatmaker had in the book Awake, where you're 46 years old and you're like, wow, I don't know how to keep the lights on and I've got my five kids living here.
00:03:21.360 --> 00:03:28.000
Or I don't know how to pay this mortgage because I don't even know who our mortgage lender is, or I don't know how much money we have in our checking account.
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I don't know how much debt we have.
00:03:29.520 --> 00:03:31.599
I don't know how many credit cards we have.
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I haven't run an annual credit report in forever, right?
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Like these are things that are preventable.
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And this episode and my thoughts and feelings around this, this is not to shame anybody or to make anybody feel bad.
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What I want you to get out of this is a sense of empowerment.
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Because if you do one little thing every single day and you start building a list, you can get a handle on this.
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You can start tackling this.
00:04:02.639 --> 00:04:09.039
And what the financial advisor, I guess, told Jen in the book is let's start with all of your household bills.
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Find out where they are.
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Who owns your water bill, who owns your electricity bill, who takes care of your lawn, who takes care of your termites, who takes care of the roof, right?
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Whatever it is, like start with your home because that is where A, you need to live.
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And, you know, if you have children, this is where you're going to keep your family safe.
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So start there.
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Do you know the name of your water company?
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Do you know the name of your electricity company?
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Do you know where your mortgage sits?
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Once you find that out, write it down.
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Brandon and I have a shared Google Doc that we update on an on a regular basis.
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Um, he can go into it at any time.
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I can go into it at any time.
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You know, those mortgage, those mortgage loan lenders, uh what are they called?
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Yeah, they change constantly.
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You'll just get a letter in the mail that's like, oh, now your mortgage is with so-and-so.
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The terms and conditions don't change, but the lender changes, right?
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Now you have to set up a new payment profile, et cetera.
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In your shared document or in your notebook, however you want to do it, write down who the mortgage is, the last four of that account number.
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And I mean, typically mortgages have to get paid through your checking account, but you know, people do things differently if you're running it through a business, whatever.
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That's not what we're talking about today.
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We're trying to figure out where is everything and how does it get paid?
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If you are not the owner of those bills, that's okay.
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You still need to understand where they are and how they're getting paid.
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Are they getting paid on a credit card?
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Is it coming out of a debit card?
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Is it coming out of an account that you didn't even know exists?
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Understand how many credit cards there are, what are the debts that are on those credit cards?
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Understand how many checking accounts, how many savings accounts, what is your name on?
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The easiest way to figure all of that out is to run an annual credit report.
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You can do this more than once a year.
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But if you're associated with any kind of credit, credit card, loan, car loan, mortgage, uh, student loan, et cetera, anywhere where you would owe money on a recurring basis that has your social security number attached, you can find on your credit report.
00:06:21.839 --> 00:06:26.959
So if you have not run a credit report, let's say in the last year, guess what?
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That's on the top of your to-do list now.
00:06:29.920 --> 00:06:34.959
And also, too, in this scenario, this affects women way more than men.
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Yes.
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Unfortunately, that's how it seems to pan out.
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Where maybe the husband is the breadwinner, or even if he's not necessarily the breadwinner, is the one that is handling the finances.
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And the wife could be working or not working, but doesn't have any uh insights or view into what's going on on a regular basis when it comes to their finances.
00:06:59.279 --> 00:07:04.879
Um obviously it can happen the other way around, but I would say I've never seen it the other way around personally.
00:07:05.360 --> 00:07:21.360
Normally uh it's the uh man who may be doing some form of um financial infidelity, or you know, the woman thinks that, hey, you know, like you said, certain things are taken care of, we have a certain amount of savings, and then divorce comes, they find out that that it's all a house of lies.
00:07:21.439 --> 00:07:24.959
House of lies and that the the man has been lying to them the entire time.
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So one of the things that I'm a big advocate on, and this is actually a requirement if you are a couple to work with me.
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Both partners have to be involved in the planning process.
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I am not simply working with one person and not talking to the other person, even if you try to do it that way.
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I am not your advisor for you.
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I want to talk to both people because I want both people to be a part of the decision-making process.
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But then also I want to make sure that the reality is that I like to have a long-term relationship with these people.
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And uh, you know, things happen, and I want to make sure that both people know what's going on in the financial life because it affects both of them.
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But also at the end of the day, as a woman, you need to understand this even if you don't get divorced, because women outlive men.
00:08:09.600 --> 00:08:09.759
Right.
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At some point So at some point, it's gonna become your responsibility, even if that's 40 years from now.
00:08:15.040 --> 00:08:15.439
Yes.
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And and heaven forbid, it is a, you know, an a divorce situation, a tragic situation where somebody passes away unexpectedly.
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Again, you want time to grieve.
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This is not the time where you want to say, Oh my gosh, I have no idea where our mortgage is, and my husband passed away, and I've got these kids, and who's who's paying our mortgage?
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How do I even find out?
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I mean, think about the amount of mortgage lenders where your mortgage could be.
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Oh, yeah.
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And now that everybody's getting their bills online, like you might not get something in the mail.
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So the amount of time that it would take you to go to A, get access to those accounts, because if you don't know that those accounts accounts exist, how are you supposed to find them?
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Login information.
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Or you don't have login information, you can't access it, you can't access uh or talk to anybody at the institution to figure out, hey, seems like my mortgage was getting paid.
00:09:10.960 --> 00:09:17.679
Like that is that to me sounds like the worst possible scenario if I was grieving Brandon.
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Like if I was trying to keep my life on the little bit of track that was left, if I unexpectedly lost him and then had to keep my life together for the sake of our kids.
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Cause at that point, it's like, who am I?
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Who cares?
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It would just be for the children.
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The last thing I want to be doing is figuring out like, where's our water bill and how does it get paid?
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Like that sounds like sheer misery to me.
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And that's not really something that other people can help you with either.
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Like, what are you gonna have?
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Like your best friend calling these institutions to be like, hey, my friend's husband passed away and like I need access to pay the water.
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Like, no, these things are preventable.
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And I get so fired up about it because yes, it's overwhelming.
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No, it's not fun.
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It's part of being an adult.
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Most of being an adult is not fun, let's be honest.
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And you don't have to do it all at once, but you do need to do it.
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So create a shared document, get a notebook, do whatever you need to do where you can maintain where things are and how they get paid on an annual basis.
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And so I just don't want anybody that is listening to this podcast, that's in my friend circle, anybody that I care about to go through what Jen in this book and way too many other women go through, which is you have that moment of, oh my gosh, I had the wool pulled over me.
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I ended up with egg on my face.
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I thought we were fine, we're not fine.
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Oh, he stopped paying on those insurance policies.
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I thought we had life insurance.
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Like, those are all things that you can find out.
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They're find outable, they're figure outable.
00:11:02.399 --> 00:11:02.559
Yeah.
00:11:02.639 --> 00:11:07.120
And the thing is, if this has happened to you, like once again, this episode is not about shaming anybody.
00:11:07.519 --> 00:11:10.720
This is about providing you with a resource to help change things.
00:11:10.879 --> 00:11:18.720
So if this has already happened to you or you're currently going through it, we do want to also provide you with some actionable steps on how to improve that situation.
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And for those individuals who thankfully have never had to experience this, but still um don't have the insights into their um household finances that they should, this is now to take the time to start having those conversations, getting that information so that you are all both on the same page.
00:11:34.320 --> 00:11:34.639
Yeah.
00:11:34.879 --> 00:11:36.720
And this is one of those things too.
00:11:36.799 --> 00:11:40.399
And I've I've spoken about this on previous episodes.
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If you go to your spouse and you say, Hey, honey, I want to sit down, I want to be a part of finances, understanding the finances, helping where I can, are we okay?
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I want to have visibility, and your partner is resistant.
00:11:58.080 --> 00:12:00.480
To me, that is a red flag.
00:12:00.720 --> 00:12:02.159
Yeah, I would agree with that.
00:12:02.240 --> 00:12:17.519
And I would say, like, now, if you're coming from a place where you had never had any interest in it, and you're now coming to them and they're kind of trying to figure out like what was all the change, I think you also need to frame it properly as well.
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Right.
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In the sense of like, hey, I trust you.
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So this is not necessarily a matter of I don't trust you or anything like that.
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It's just that this is important to me.
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What if something happened to you or whatever it may be, that this is something that I should also understand and know.
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Right.
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And if you come to your spouse, I'm just gonna use a heteronormative relationship.
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If it's the woman coming to the man and you're expressing this and wanting to be a part of the process and decision making, and they are resistant if you approach them that way, that 100% would be a red flag to me.
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If you're like, oh, you don't have to worry about it.
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No.
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Right.
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Or if somebody says, it's fine, we have a guy, okay.
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Can you tell me who that is?
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When's your next meeting?
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I would love to sit in on it.
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Can you give me their contact information?
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I know you're busy.
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I'm happy to schedule my own call.
00:13:06.480 --> 00:13:09.039
Also, once again, I'm a you know, step in.
00:13:09.200 --> 00:13:15.759
If he says he has a guy and you don't know that he has a guy, that's a problem in and of itself in regards to the advisor.
00:13:15.919 --> 00:13:23.039
That would be crazy to me that to work with a, especially a married couple where I have never interacted with one of the spouses.
00:13:23.360 --> 00:13:23.519
Right.
00:13:23.679 --> 00:13:24.960
That is crazy to me.
00:13:25.120 --> 00:13:29.279
I would never in my life have that type of relationship where I've never interacted.
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Now, there naturally is going to be one spouse that kind of leads a little bit more.
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That's natural and that's normal.
00:13:35.440 --> 00:13:40.799
But to never have met the person to me is a red flag from an advisor standpoint.
00:13:41.039 --> 00:13:47.600
Now, also I always say to people, because I've had this happen too, where people like, oh, you know, I I have a guy, I have an advisor.
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What's their name?
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If you don't know your advisor's name, if you're calling the the 800 number on the back of your bank card, he's not an advisor.
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Or your woman.
00:13:56.639 --> 00:14:03.200
Like that's not like I would be horrified if any of my clients couldn't name you by name.
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Couldn't name me.
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Like one thing.
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I know it's not happening because I have enough conversations with them, but like that I have met people who are like, oh, you know, like or like where's you know, oh, what's a person?
00:14:11.679 --> 00:14:12.159
Yeah, what's their name?
00:14:12.240 --> 00:14:13.679
Because I always just Where do they work?
00:14:13.840 --> 00:14:19.279
I used to mess with people because I can also tell when someone says like they have an advisor, but they don't really have an advisor.
00:14:19.440 --> 00:14:21.120
I can tell from the look on their face.
00:14:21.279 --> 00:14:21.679
Yeah.
00:14:21.919 --> 00:14:24.720
Because often only one spouse knows about their like.
00:14:24.960 --> 00:14:25.200
Right.
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Like, oh, we do?
00:14:26.399 --> 00:14:26.720
We do?
00:14:26.879 --> 00:14:27.039
Yeah.
00:14:27.279 --> 00:14:27.600
Okay.
00:14:27.840 --> 00:14:34.559
But well, I think if there is hesitancy, and like you said, usually one person leads.
00:14:35.440 --> 00:14:36.799
That's okay.
00:14:37.519 --> 00:14:40.240
It's the visibility that's the problem.
00:14:40.799 --> 00:14:45.360
So that's like me saying, Oh, well, Brandon's a financial advisor, like he's got it.
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I know we're fine.
00:14:47.039 --> 00:14:53.360
Well, first of all, that's not there's not an ounce of my personality that would ever be like that.
00:14:53.759 --> 00:15:01.200
But also as an advisor, I don't want anyone to just solely rely upon me to know all the information and they're just like, oh, he's doing everything.
00:15:01.360 --> 00:15:03.679
I don't necessarily know anything that's going on.
00:15:03.919 --> 00:15:05.120
That is not how I operate.
00:15:05.279 --> 00:15:11.120
Now I help you and make things easier for you, but you very much do need to understand what is going on.
00:15:11.200 --> 00:15:12.639
And I want you to understand what's going on.
00:15:13.039 --> 00:15:21.440
But you know, if there's somebody that's like, oh, my husband's an accountant, my husband's a bookkeeper, my husband's a financial analyst for a big software company, he's better with numbers.
00:15:21.519 --> 00:15:23.279
I mean, I hear it all the time.
00:15:23.519 --> 00:15:27.679
I said for years, oh, I'm not, I'm not a math person.
00:15:27.759 --> 00:15:29.120
I'm not good with numbers, right?
00:15:29.200 --> 00:15:31.759
Like, and the funny part is that a lot of it isn't necessarily the math.
00:15:32.000 --> 00:15:32.240
Exactly.
00:15:32.480 --> 00:15:33.279
Math to be basic.
00:15:33.519 --> 00:15:33.759
Right.
00:15:33.919 --> 00:15:35.759
And so calculators are amazing.
00:15:36.000 --> 00:15:47.120
I've I have, we have people in our circle who, you know, are literally saving lives every day and we could not do their jobs and they're saying, well, I'm just bad with numbers.
00:15:47.360 --> 00:15:48.879
No, we're gonna stop saying that.
00:15:49.039 --> 00:15:50.720
Ladies, listen up.
00:15:50.960 --> 00:15:55.600
We're no longer saying I'm bad at math, I'm bad with numbers, I'm just not good at it.
00:15:55.759 --> 00:15:58.000
It's really not very much math.
00:15:58.159 --> 00:16:09.120
Like if you, you know, did organic chemistry and are now in the medical field, that is much harder than like figuring out what your paycheck is and where your money goes every month.
00:16:09.360 --> 00:16:10.159
I promise you.
00:16:10.320 --> 00:16:11.759
Also, there are apps for that.
00:16:11.919 --> 00:16:14.240
We'll link our monarch in the show notes.
00:16:14.480 --> 00:16:17.200
Listen, we are no longer making excuses.
00:16:17.360 --> 00:16:18.320
We need visibility.
00:16:18.480 --> 00:16:20.159
I'm not saying you need to pay every bill.
00:16:20.320 --> 00:16:22.159
I'm not saying you need to be the breadwinner.
00:16:22.399 --> 00:16:27.600
I'm not saying you need to go and get a divorce because your husband is doing something shady with the money.
00:16:27.679 --> 00:16:28.799
I'm not saying any of that.
00:16:28.960 --> 00:16:35.759
What I'm saying is I want you to have visibility and understanding of your household finances.
00:16:36.000 --> 00:16:43.360
I want you to know where your water is, where your electricity is, where your mortgage sits, how does the lawn get mowed?
00:16:43.519 --> 00:16:47.519
Who do you call when you've got a termite or a pest control problem?
00:16:47.919 --> 00:16:49.279
Those are the easy things.
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Start with your home.
00:16:51.360 --> 00:16:53.200
From there, you expand.
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Do we have life insurance?
00:16:55.120 --> 00:16:55.519
Great.
00:16:55.679 --> 00:16:56.960
Where are those policies?
00:16:57.120 --> 00:16:58.480
Are they at New York Life?
00:16:58.639 --> 00:16:58.960
Perfect.
00:16:59.120 --> 00:17:00.080
What are the last four?
00:17:00.240 --> 00:17:03.519
Can you show me that we're up to date on these premiums?
00:17:03.679 --> 00:17:04.720
What are the premiums?
00:17:04.880 --> 00:17:06.160
Do we need to increase them?
00:17:06.319 --> 00:17:12.640
Oh, we haven't increased them since we got married 10 years ago, and now we have three children and a dog.
00:17:12.880 --> 00:17:18.720
Okay, we might need to actually sit down with somebody to understand if we should be increasing our life insurance.
00:17:18.880 --> 00:17:21.359
Uh, yes, you should at that point.
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