Nov. 12, 2025

114: Why Most Women Are Financially Blind and How to Fix It

114: Why Most Women Are Financially Blind and How to Fix It

Are you walking blind when it comes to your finances? In this episode, Jessica and Brandon are going back to basics because too many people are waking up to financial realities way too late. They're breaking down why it’s so dangerous not to know where your money is, how your bills are being paid, or even what accounts exist. Whether you're married, partnered, or handling things solo, this episode will give you the tools and mindset shift to take back control. We cover: The hidden risks of no...

Are you walking blind when it comes to your finances?

In this episode, Jessica and Brandon are going back to basics because too many people are waking up to financial realities way too late. They're breaking down why it’s so dangerous not to know where your money is, how your bills are being paid, or even what accounts exist. Whether you're married, partnered, or handling things solo, this episode will give you the tools and mindset shift to take back control.

We cover:

  • The hidden risks of not knowing how your household finances work
  • Why women are disproportionately affected and how to change that
  • What “financial visibility” actually means (and how to get it)
  • The first steps to organize your bills, accounts, and debt
  • Tools we personally use to track everything in one place
  • What to do today to protect yourself and your family

This isn’t about shame. It’s about empowerment. Let’s help you build a financial system that works even if life doesn’t go according to plan.

Show Notes:

Head over to our YouTube channel to catch this episode in full video form.

Apply to be a guest on the show.

You can also email us at: thesugardaddypodcast@gmail.com

Connect with us on Instagram
We’re most active over at @thesugardaddypodcast

Chat with Brandon
Want to work together? Learn more about Brandon

Book a free 30-min call to see if it's a fit.

Show us some love, hit subscribe, leave a five star rating, and drop a quick review!

Money, relationships, and the mindset to master both. Hosted by financial advisor Brandon and his wife Jessica, The Sugar Daddy Podcast breaks down how to build wealth, unpack old money beliefs, and have real conversations about love and finances. Our mission? To help couples and individuals grow rich in every sense of the word: emotionally, relationally and financially.

Chapters

00:00 - Why Financial Visibility Matters

02:30 - The Wake-Up Call Story

05:20 - Start At Home Base: Bills And Basics

09:30 - Shared Docs And Changing Lenders

14:30 - Credit Reports And Hidden Accounts

18:20 - Women, Risk, And Financial Infidelity

23:30 - Advisors Should Serve Both Partners

28:00 - Grief-Proofing Your Household Systems

Transcript
WEBVTT

00:00:06.240 --> 00:00:14.160
In today's episode, we are going to talk about getting crystal clear on where our money is.

00:00:14.400 --> 00:00:16.800
And I mean we're going back to basics.

00:00:17.120 --> 00:00:18.800
Where is our mortgage sitting?

00:00:18.960 --> 00:00:21.039
How is our light bill getting paid?

00:00:21.280 --> 00:00:23.760
How does our lawn care get paid?

00:00:23.920 --> 00:00:34.560
We are getting back to basics because too many people have been reaching out to Brandon and myself with emergent situations that could have been prevented.

00:00:37.439 --> 00:00:39.600
Hey babe, what are we talking about today?

00:00:40.640 --> 00:00:46.320
Today we're talking about something that is very near and dear to my heart.

00:00:46.479 --> 00:00:58.560
And we've been getting too many messages, emails, even in our own personal circles of friends, um, where divorce is imminent.

00:00:59.520 --> 00:01:08.560
And the overwhelming sense of I don't know anything about our financial situation is coming up over and over again.

00:01:08.719 --> 00:01:12.719
And it breaks my heart and it is preventable.

00:01:13.040 --> 00:01:17.840
Um, I am finishing up this book by Jen Hatmaker.

00:01:17.920 --> 00:01:18.879
It's called Awake.

00:01:18.959 --> 00:01:33.200
And I was telling you about one of the chapters where she talks about going through this divorce, but she basically wakes up at 46 years old and realizes she doesn't know how any of the bills in her house get paid.

00:01:33.359 --> 00:01:35.280
And she was earning money, right?

00:01:35.439 --> 00:01:41.280
She was she was a published author, she was doing speaking engagements, she was earning money.

00:01:41.439 --> 00:01:43.120
She was not the main breadwinner.

00:01:43.200 --> 00:01:47.760
And I don't, from what I can tell, her her earnings might not have been super consistent.

00:01:47.840 --> 00:01:51.120
Like, I get paid on the first and 15th of every month.

00:01:51.200 --> 00:01:52.319
But she was earning money.

00:01:52.400 --> 00:02:00.640
She, you know, had a career and she woke up, is going through this super terrible divorce, and is like, I don't know how my light bill gets paid.

00:02:00.719 --> 00:02:02.159
I don't know where our mortgage is.

00:02:02.319 --> 00:02:08.319
And she meets with a financial planner because, you know, she's she's grieving, she's angry, she's feeling all the feels.

00:02:08.560 --> 00:02:19.039
And she meets with a financial um advisor, and he basically is just asking her very simple questions, and she cannot answer a single question.

00:02:19.199 --> 00:02:26.159
And I know that that sounds really extreme, but that is the reality of a lot of people's situations.

00:02:27.280 --> 00:02:27.680
Exactly.

00:02:27.840 --> 00:02:44.319
And even I would say in the in the last 60 or even 90 days, we've gotten emails and information and DMs from people who are kind of getting woken up to a financial reality that they didn't realize was happening.

00:02:44.560 --> 00:02:53.039
And that is because whether you're a woman or a man, you are walking through the world blind.

00:02:53.199 --> 00:02:57.120
You are walking blind when it comes to your family finances.

00:02:57.520 --> 00:03:21.120
And so I kind of want to just talk about why it's so important to have an awareness and an understanding of what is going on financially in your home so that you don't have that moment that Jen Hatmaker had in the book Awake, where you're 46 years old and you're like, wow, I don't know how to keep the lights on and I've got my five kids living here.

00:03:21.360 --> 00:03:28.000
Or I don't know how to pay this mortgage because I don't even know who our mortgage lender is, or I don't know how much money we have in our checking account.

00:03:28.159 --> 00:03:29.360
I don't know how much debt we have.

00:03:29.520 --> 00:03:31.599
I don't know how many credit cards we have.

00:03:31.919 --> 00:03:36.319
I haven't run an annual credit report in forever, right?

00:03:36.479 --> 00:03:40.800
Like these are things that are preventable.

00:03:40.960 --> 00:03:47.759
And this episode and my thoughts and feelings around this, this is not to shame anybody or to make anybody feel bad.

00:03:48.000 --> 00:03:52.000
What I want you to get out of this is a sense of empowerment.

00:03:52.400 --> 00:04:00.639
Because if you do one little thing every single day and you start building a list, you can get a handle on this.

00:04:00.800 --> 00:04:02.400
You can start tackling this.

00:04:02.639 --> 00:04:09.039
And what the financial advisor, I guess, told Jen in the book is let's start with all of your household bills.

00:04:09.280 --> 00:04:10.719
Find out where they are.

00:04:10.879 --> 00:04:18.720
Who owns your water bill, who owns your electricity bill, who takes care of your lawn, who takes care of your termites, who takes care of the roof, right?

00:04:18.879 --> 00:04:23.519
Whatever it is, like start with your home because that is where A, you need to live.

00:04:23.680 --> 00:04:27.120
And, you know, if you have children, this is where you're going to keep your family safe.

00:04:27.279 --> 00:04:28.319
So start there.

00:04:28.480 --> 00:04:31.120
Do you know the name of your water company?

00:04:31.279 --> 00:04:33.279
Do you know the name of your electricity company?

00:04:33.519 --> 00:04:35.360
Do you know where your mortgage sits?

00:04:35.519 --> 00:04:38.079
Once you find that out, write it down.

00:04:38.240 --> 00:04:45.680
Brandon and I have a shared Google Doc that we update on an on a regular basis.

00:04:45.839 --> 00:04:48.079
Um, he can go into it at any time.

00:04:48.240 --> 00:04:50.319
I can go into it at any time.

00:04:50.560 --> 00:04:56.319
You know, those mortgage, those mortgage loan lenders, uh what are they called?

00:04:56.399 --> 00:04:57.839
Yeah, they change constantly.

00:04:58.000 --> 00:05:01.680
You'll just get a letter in the mail that's like, oh, now your mortgage is with so-and-so.

00:05:02.079 --> 00:05:05.439
The terms and conditions don't change, but the lender changes, right?

00:05:05.519 --> 00:05:08.399
Now you have to set up a new payment profile, et cetera.

00:05:08.720 --> 00:05:17.439
In your shared document or in your notebook, however you want to do it, write down who the mortgage is, the last four of that account number.

00:05:17.759 --> 00:05:25.759
And I mean, typically mortgages have to get paid through your checking account, but you know, people do things differently if you're running it through a business, whatever.

00:05:26.000 --> 00:05:27.519
That's not what we're talking about today.

00:05:27.680 --> 00:05:32.480
We're trying to figure out where is everything and how does it get paid?

00:05:32.720 --> 00:05:37.199
If you are not the owner of those bills, that's okay.

00:05:37.519 --> 00:05:41.519
You still need to understand where they are and how they're getting paid.

00:05:41.680 --> 00:05:43.279
Are they getting paid on a credit card?

00:05:43.360 --> 00:05:44.800
Is it coming out of a debit card?

00:05:44.879 --> 00:05:47.920
Is it coming out of an account that you didn't even know exists?

00:05:48.560 --> 00:05:52.879
Understand how many credit cards there are, what are the debts that are on those credit cards?

00:05:53.040 --> 00:05:57.920
Understand how many checking accounts, how many savings accounts, what is your name on?

00:05:58.079 --> 00:06:02.160
The easiest way to figure all of that out is to run an annual credit report.

00:06:02.319 --> 00:06:04.399
You can do this more than once a year.

00:06:04.560 --> 00:06:21.759
But if you're associated with any kind of credit, credit card, loan, car loan, mortgage, uh, student loan, et cetera, anywhere where you would owe money on a recurring basis that has your social security number attached, you can find on your credit report.

00:06:21.839 --> 00:06:26.959
So if you have not run a credit report, let's say in the last year, guess what?

00:06:27.120 --> 00:06:29.120
That's on the top of your to-do list now.

00:06:29.920 --> 00:06:34.959
And also, too, in this scenario, this affects women way more than men.

00:06:35.199 --> 00:06:35.519
Yes.

00:06:35.759 --> 00:06:39.279
Unfortunately, that's how it seems to pan out.

00:06:39.519 --> 00:06:47.600
Where maybe the husband is the breadwinner, or even if he's not necessarily the breadwinner, is the one that is handling the finances.

00:06:48.000 --> 00:06:58.879
And the wife could be working or not working, but doesn't have any uh insights or view into what's going on on a regular basis when it comes to their finances.

00:06:59.279 --> 00:07:04.879
Um obviously it can happen the other way around, but I would say I've never seen it the other way around personally.

00:07:05.360 --> 00:07:21.360
Normally uh it's the uh man who may be doing some form of um financial infidelity, or you know, the woman thinks that, hey, you know, like you said, certain things are taken care of, we have a certain amount of savings, and then divorce comes, they find out that that it's all a house of lies.

00:07:21.439 --> 00:07:24.959
House of lies and that the the man has been lying to them the entire time.

00:07:25.199 --> 00:07:32.399
So one of the things that I'm a big advocate on, and this is actually a requirement if you are a couple to work with me.

00:07:33.040 --> 00:07:36.720
Both partners have to be involved in the planning process.

00:07:36.879 --> 00:07:42.639
I am not simply working with one person and not talking to the other person, even if you try to do it that way.

00:07:42.800 --> 00:07:44.399
I am not your advisor for you.

00:07:44.560 --> 00:07:49.199
I want to talk to both people because I want both people to be a part of the decision-making process.

00:07:49.360 --> 00:07:56.240
But then also I want to make sure that the reality is that I like to have a long-term relationship with these people.

00:07:56.560 --> 00:08:03.199
And uh, you know, things happen, and I want to make sure that both people know what's going on in the financial life because it affects both of them.

00:08:03.360 --> 00:08:09.279
But also at the end of the day, as a woman, you need to understand this even if you don't get divorced, because women outlive men.

00:08:09.600 --> 00:08:09.759
Right.

00:08:09.839 --> 00:08:14.800
At some point So at some point, it's gonna become your responsibility, even if that's 40 years from now.

00:08:15.040 --> 00:08:15.439
Yes.

00:08:15.600 --> 00:08:27.279
And and heaven forbid, it is a, you know, an a divorce situation, a tragic situation where somebody passes away unexpectedly.

00:08:27.519 --> 00:08:29.759
Again, you want time to grieve.

00:08:29.920 --> 00:08:39.200
This is not the time where you want to say, Oh my gosh, I have no idea where our mortgage is, and my husband passed away, and I've got these kids, and who's who's paying our mortgage?

00:08:39.360 --> 00:08:40.559
How do I even find out?

00:08:40.720 --> 00:08:45.519
I mean, think about the amount of mortgage lenders where your mortgage could be.

00:08:45.679 --> 00:08:46.000
Oh, yeah.

00:08:46.399 --> 00:08:51.120
And now that everybody's getting their bills online, like you might not get something in the mail.

00:08:51.279 --> 00:09:01.360
So the amount of time that it would take you to go to A, get access to those accounts, because if you don't know that those accounts accounts exist, how are you supposed to find them?

00:09:01.759 --> 00:09:02.240
Login information.

00:09:02.399 --> 00:09:10.720
Or you don't have login information, you can't access it, you can't access uh or talk to anybody at the institution to figure out, hey, seems like my mortgage was getting paid.

00:09:10.960 --> 00:09:17.679
Like that is that to me sounds like the worst possible scenario if I was grieving Brandon.

00:09:17.840 --> 00:09:28.000
Like if I was trying to keep my life on the little bit of track that was left, if I unexpectedly lost him and then had to keep my life together for the sake of our kids.

00:09:28.159 --> 00:09:29.919
Cause at that point, it's like, who am I?

00:09:30.000 --> 00:09:30.480
Who cares?

00:09:30.639 --> 00:09:32.399
It would just be for the children.

00:09:33.039 --> 00:09:38.799
The last thing I want to be doing is figuring out like, where's our water bill and how does it get paid?

00:09:38.960 --> 00:09:42.480
Like that sounds like sheer misery to me.

00:09:42.639 --> 00:09:47.279
And that's not really something that other people can help you with either.

00:09:47.519 --> 00:09:49.519
Like, what are you gonna have?

00:09:49.679 --> 00:09:57.440
Like your best friend calling these institutions to be like, hey, my friend's husband passed away and like I need access to pay the water.

00:09:57.759 --> 00:10:01.039
Like, no, these things are preventable.

00:10:01.120 --> 00:10:05.440
And I get so fired up about it because yes, it's overwhelming.

00:10:05.679 --> 00:10:06.720
No, it's not fun.

00:10:06.799 --> 00:10:08.559
It's part of being an adult.

00:10:08.720 --> 00:10:11.679
Most of being an adult is not fun, let's be honest.

00:10:12.159 --> 00:10:16.080
And you don't have to do it all at once, but you do need to do it.

00:10:16.159 --> 00:10:28.320
So create a shared document, get a notebook, do whatever you need to do where you can maintain where things are and how they get paid on an annual basis.

00:10:29.039 --> 00:10:48.480
And so I just don't want anybody that is listening to this podcast, that's in my friend circle, anybody that I care about to go through what Jen in this book and way too many other women go through, which is you have that moment of, oh my gosh, I had the wool pulled over me.

00:10:48.559 --> 00:10:49.919
I ended up with egg on my face.

00:10:50.080 --> 00:10:52.080
I thought we were fine, we're not fine.

00:10:52.240 --> 00:10:54.559
Oh, he stopped paying on those insurance policies.

00:10:54.720 --> 00:10:56.080
I thought we had life insurance.

00:10:56.240 --> 00:10:59.679
Like, those are all things that you can find out.

00:11:00.080 --> 00:11:02.080
They're find outable, they're figure outable.

00:11:02.399 --> 00:11:02.559
Yeah.

00:11:02.639 --> 00:11:07.120
And the thing is, if this has happened to you, like once again, this episode is not about shaming anybody.

00:11:07.519 --> 00:11:10.720
This is about providing you with a resource to help change things.

00:11:10.879 --> 00:11:18.720
So if this has already happened to you or you're currently going through it, we do want to also provide you with some actionable steps on how to improve that situation.

00:11:18.799 --> 00:11:34.080
And for those individuals who thankfully have never had to experience this, but still um don't have the insights into their um household finances that they should, this is now to take the time to start having those conversations, getting that information so that you are all both on the same page.

00:11:34.320 --> 00:11:34.639
Yeah.

00:11:34.879 --> 00:11:36.720
And this is one of those things too.

00:11:36.799 --> 00:11:40.399
And I've I've spoken about this on previous episodes.

00:11:40.639 --> 00:11:52.559
If you go to your spouse and you say, Hey, honey, I want to sit down, I want to be a part of finances, understanding the finances, helping where I can, are we okay?

00:11:52.799 --> 00:11:57.360
I want to have visibility, and your partner is resistant.

00:11:58.080 --> 00:12:00.480
To me, that is a red flag.

00:12:00.720 --> 00:12:02.159
Yeah, I would agree with that.

00:12:02.240 --> 00:12:17.519
And I would say, like, now, if you're coming from a place where you had never had any interest in it, and you're now coming to them and they're kind of trying to figure out like what was all the change, I think you also need to frame it properly as well.

00:12:17.679 --> 00:12:17.919
Right.

00:12:18.080 --> 00:12:21.440
In the sense of like, hey, I trust you.

00:12:21.759 --> 00:12:25.600
So this is not necessarily a matter of I don't trust you or anything like that.

00:12:25.759 --> 00:12:27.600
It's just that this is important to me.

00:12:27.840 --> 00:12:33.360
What if something happened to you or whatever it may be, that this is something that I should also understand and know.

00:12:33.519 --> 00:12:33.679
Right.

00:12:33.840 --> 00:12:37.360
And if you come to your spouse, I'm just gonna use a heteronormative relationship.

00:12:37.519 --> 00:12:49.039
If it's the woman coming to the man and you're expressing this and wanting to be a part of the process and decision making, and they are resistant if you approach them that way, that 100% would be a red flag to me.

00:12:49.200 --> 00:12:51.039
If you're like, oh, you don't have to worry about it.

00:12:51.279 --> 00:12:51.600
No.

00:12:51.919 --> 00:12:52.320
Right.

00:12:52.559 --> 00:12:55.840
Or if somebody says, it's fine, we have a guy, okay.

00:12:56.000 --> 00:12:57.120
Can you tell me who that is?

00:12:57.279 --> 00:12:58.399
When's your next meeting?

00:12:58.559 --> 00:13:00.080
I would love to sit in on it.

00:13:00.240 --> 00:13:02.320
Can you give me their contact information?

00:13:02.480 --> 00:13:03.279
I know you're busy.

00:13:03.360 --> 00:13:06.080
I'm happy to schedule my own call.

00:13:06.480 --> 00:13:09.039
Also, once again, I'm a you know, step in.

00:13:09.200 --> 00:13:15.759
If he says he has a guy and you don't know that he has a guy, that's a problem in and of itself in regards to the advisor.

00:13:15.919 --> 00:13:23.039
That would be crazy to me that to work with a, especially a married couple where I have never interacted with one of the spouses.

00:13:23.360 --> 00:13:23.519
Right.

00:13:23.679 --> 00:13:24.960
That is crazy to me.

00:13:25.120 --> 00:13:29.279
I would never in my life have that type of relationship where I've never interacted.

00:13:29.440 --> 00:13:33.360
Now, there naturally is going to be one spouse that kind of leads a little bit more.

00:13:33.440 --> 00:13:35.120
That's natural and that's normal.

00:13:35.440 --> 00:13:40.799
But to never have met the person to me is a red flag from an advisor standpoint.

00:13:41.039 --> 00:13:47.600
Now, also I always say to people, because I've had this happen too, where people like, oh, you know, I I have a guy, I have an advisor.

00:13:47.759 --> 00:13:48.799
What's their name?

00:13:49.519 --> 00:13:55.519
If you don't know your advisor's name, if you're calling the the 800 number on the back of your bank card, he's not an advisor.

00:13:55.840 --> 00:13:56.480
Or your woman.

00:13:56.639 --> 00:14:03.200
Like that's not like I would be horrified if any of my clients couldn't name you by name.

00:14:03.440 --> 00:14:04.000
Couldn't name me.

00:14:04.080 --> 00:14:04.559
Like one thing.

00:14:05.200 --> 00:14:11.600
I know it's not happening because I have enough conversations with them, but like that I have met people who are like, oh, you know, like or like where's you know, oh, what's a person?

00:14:11.679 --> 00:14:12.159
Yeah, what's their name?

00:14:12.240 --> 00:14:13.679
Because I always just Where do they work?

00:14:13.840 --> 00:14:19.279
I used to mess with people because I can also tell when someone says like they have an advisor, but they don't really have an advisor.

00:14:19.440 --> 00:14:21.120
I can tell from the look on their face.

00:14:21.279 --> 00:14:21.679
Yeah.

00:14:21.919 --> 00:14:24.720
Because often only one spouse knows about their like.

00:14:24.960 --> 00:14:25.200
Right.

00:14:25.360 --> 00:14:26.240
Like, oh, we do?

00:14:26.399 --> 00:14:26.720
We do?

00:14:26.879 --> 00:14:27.039
Yeah.

00:14:27.279 --> 00:14:27.600
Okay.

00:14:27.840 --> 00:14:34.559
But well, I think if there is hesitancy, and like you said, usually one person leads.

00:14:35.440 --> 00:14:36.799
That's okay.

00:14:37.519 --> 00:14:40.240
It's the visibility that's the problem.

00:14:40.799 --> 00:14:45.360
So that's like me saying, Oh, well, Brandon's a financial advisor, like he's got it.

00:14:45.519 --> 00:14:46.720
I know we're fine.

00:14:47.039 --> 00:14:53.360
Well, first of all, that's not there's not an ounce of my personality that would ever be like that.

00:14:53.759 --> 00:15:01.200
But also as an advisor, I don't want anyone to just solely rely upon me to know all the information and they're just like, oh, he's doing everything.

00:15:01.360 --> 00:15:03.679
I don't necessarily know anything that's going on.

00:15:03.919 --> 00:15:05.120
That is not how I operate.

00:15:05.279 --> 00:15:11.120
Now I help you and make things easier for you, but you very much do need to understand what is going on.

00:15:11.200 --> 00:15:12.639
And I want you to understand what's going on.

00:15:13.039 --> 00:15:21.440
But you know, if there's somebody that's like, oh, my husband's an accountant, my husband's a bookkeeper, my husband's a financial analyst for a big software company, he's better with numbers.

00:15:21.519 --> 00:15:23.279
I mean, I hear it all the time.

00:15:23.519 --> 00:15:27.679
I said for years, oh, I'm not, I'm not a math person.

00:15:27.759 --> 00:15:29.120
I'm not good with numbers, right?

00:15:29.200 --> 00:15:31.759
Like, and the funny part is that a lot of it isn't necessarily the math.

00:15:32.000 --> 00:15:32.240
Exactly.

00:15:32.480 --> 00:15:33.279
Math to be basic.

00:15:33.519 --> 00:15:33.759
Right.

00:15:33.919 --> 00:15:35.759
And so calculators are amazing.

00:15:36.000 --> 00:15:47.120
I've I have, we have people in our circle who, you know, are literally saving lives every day and we could not do their jobs and they're saying, well, I'm just bad with numbers.

00:15:47.360 --> 00:15:48.879
No, we're gonna stop saying that.

00:15:49.039 --> 00:15:50.720
Ladies, listen up.

00:15:50.960 --> 00:15:55.600
We're no longer saying I'm bad at math, I'm bad with numbers, I'm just not good at it.

00:15:55.759 --> 00:15:58.000
It's really not very much math.

00:15:58.159 --> 00:16:09.120
Like if you, you know, did organic chemistry and are now in the medical field, that is much harder than like figuring out what your paycheck is and where your money goes every month.

00:16:09.360 --> 00:16:10.159
I promise you.

00:16:10.320 --> 00:16:11.759
Also, there are apps for that.

00:16:11.919 --> 00:16:14.240
We'll link our monarch in the show notes.

00:16:14.480 --> 00:16:17.200
Listen, we are no longer making excuses.

00:16:17.360 --> 00:16:18.320
We need visibility.

00:16:18.480 --> 00:16:20.159
I'm not saying you need to pay every bill.

00:16:20.320 --> 00:16:22.159
I'm not saying you need to be the breadwinner.

00:16:22.399 --> 00:16:27.600
I'm not saying you need to go and get a divorce because your husband is doing something shady with the money.

00:16:27.679 --> 00:16:28.799
I'm not saying any of that.

00:16:28.960 --> 00:16:35.759
What I'm saying is I want you to have visibility and understanding of your household finances.

00:16:36.000 --> 00:16:43.360
I want you to know where your water is, where your electricity is, where your mortgage sits, how does the lawn get mowed?

00:16:43.519 --> 00:16:47.519
Who do you call when you've got a termite or a pest control problem?

00:16:47.919 --> 00:16:49.279
Those are the easy things.

00:16:49.440 --> 00:16:51.120
Start with your home.

00:16:51.360 --> 00:16:53.200
From there, you expand.

00:16:53.519 --> 00:16:54.960
Do we have life insurance?

00:16:55.120 --> 00:16:55.519
Great.

00:16:55.679 --> 00:16:56.960
Where are those policies?

00:16:57.120 --> 00:16:58.480
Are they at New York Life?

00:16:58.639 --> 00:16:58.960
Perfect.

00:16:59.120 --> 00:17:00.080
What are the last four?

00:17:00.240 --> 00:17:03.519
Can you show me that we're up to date on these premiums?

00:17:03.679 --> 00:17:04.720
What are the premiums?

00:17:04.880 --> 00:17:06.160
Do we need to increase them?

00:17:06.319 --> 00:17:12.640
Oh, we haven't increased them since we got married 10 years ago, and now we have three children and a dog.

00:17:12.880 --> 00:17:18.720
Okay, we might need to actually sit down with somebody to understand if we should be increasing our life insurance.

00:17:18.880 --> 00:17:21.359
Uh, yes, you should at that point.

00:17:21.680 --> 00:17:28.880
Also, too, in a scenario where one of the spouses, you know, is a CPA or something of that nature, where you're like, oh, I'll just let them handle it.

00:17:28.960 --> 00:17:33.759
No, lean into their knowledge to help bridge the uh the bridge that gap for you.

00:17:34.079 --> 00:17:43.279
I've learned so much from Brandon and just asking him questions, then doing my own research, asking some more questions.

00:17:43.920 --> 00:17:48.000
And obviously, you know, we're in a unique situation because of the.

00:17:48.240 --> 00:17:49.440
We started from somewhere else.

00:17:49.599 --> 00:17:54.480
But we started completely like any other normal couple, right?

00:17:54.640 --> 00:17:57.359
Like, this is not how our relationship started.

00:17:57.519 --> 00:17:59.440
We didn't come together and start a podcast.

00:17:59.519 --> 00:18:09.359
Like the amount of knowledge that I've gained in the years that we're together just by asking the questions has compounded my knowledge exponentially.

00:18:09.519 --> 00:18:26.480
I mean, and I'm so grateful for that because now not only do we have the knowledge to teach our children, but in the event that something were to happen to him, aside from my emotional well-being, I know that financially we will be okay.

00:18:26.640 --> 00:18:29.039
I know how to get all the bills paid.

00:18:29.119 --> 00:18:37.200
I even know who to talk to in the event that something happens to Brandon and who could step in as a potential new financial advisor.

00:18:37.359 --> 00:18:46.960
We've we've got a list of people that I could talk to so that I continue to, you know, manage the money in a way that is the best for our family.

00:18:47.599 --> 00:19:02.640
And as a man and her husband, like that is gives me such a sense of peace that if God forbid something happened to me, you know, tomorrow, I know at least from a financial standpoint, our family is taken care of.

00:19:02.799 --> 00:19:05.920
From a financial literary standpoint, our family is taken care of.

00:19:06.079 --> 00:19:08.640
And those things can, you know, continue on.

00:19:08.880 --> 00:19:15.759
And obviously, the emotional grief that comes with that, that is years of managing.

00:19:16.000 --> 00:19:26.799
But as far as not having to uproot or change any of the day-to-day interactions from a financial standpoint of our family's life, like you can't put a price on that to me, to be honest with you.

00:19:27.039 --> 00:19:27.279
Right.

00:19:27.440 --> 00:19:31.839
And even, you know, again, this is not us saying we're perfect and we do everything perfectly.

00:19:31.920 --> 00:19:33.519
Like we'll never ever say that.

00:19:33.680 --> 00:19:44.799
And even just before we hit record on this podcast, I was saying, because I was on the phone with the pest control, and I know Brandon doesn't know where who our pest control is, but he knows it's written down.

00:19:45.119 --> 00:19:53.359
I thought that the annual fee was on an automatic payment on one credit card and it was on a different credit card.

00:19:53.440 --> 00:19:58.880
So now I'm going to actually call them back and move it from the one credit card to the other credit card.

00:19:58.960 --> 00:20:08.640
And I was even just saying to Brandon, hey, I think we should put all of our bills on one credit card because we don't have any credit cards that are combined.

00:20:08.960 --> 00:20:14.480
Um now we know where everything is and we can see where things are coming out.

00:20:14.640 --> 00:20:26.960
But I think even then, for my peace of mind of just knowing every single bill that can be on a credit card is on this one credit card that we both have access to, we both have visibility, et cetera.

00:20:27.119 --> 00:20:28.559
That gives me peace of mind.

00:20:28.640 --> 00:20:34.559
Because again, in the event of an emergency, the last thing I'm going to be thinking of is oh, did the light bill get paid?

00:20:34.720 --> 00:20:36.240
Is our water going to turn on tomorrow?

00:20:36.400 --> 00:20:37.839
I don't want to have to deal with that.

00:20:38.000 --> 00:20:40.319
I want to continue living the way we're living.

00:20:40.480 --> 00:20:47.839
And so by putting systems and written descriptors in place, I could print that out.

00:20:48.000 --> 00:20:56.240
I can share it with somebody that I need to share it with easily and have easy access and get that out of my mental space.

00:20:56.400 --> 00:20:59.519
And so we're constantly evolving the way we do things.

00:20:59.680 --> 00:21:04.000
You know, we're also, you know, always trying to maximize our credit card points and miles.

00:21:04.079 --> 00:21:07.920
And so we'll go from one year we're spending here to another year we're spending here.

00:21:08.000 --> 00:21:12.960
And so things don't always transfer perfectly, like this, you know, pest control.

00:21:13.039 --> 00:21:14.799
I'm like, oh, why is it on that credit card?

00:21:14.960 --> 00:21:19.039
Probably because when we set it up three years ago, we were trying to get delta miles.

00:21:19.279 --> 00:21:19.440
Yeah.

00:21:19.519 --> 00:21:23.359
And that's the thing is that it's a constant thing that you're going to continuously do.

00:21:23.599 --> 00:21:30.640
Now, once you put the legwork in in the beginning, which is going to be a little bit more work, it becomes so much it becomes easier to maintain it.

00:21:30.720 --> 00:21:33.440
But this isn't going to be something where you just set it and forget it.

00:21:33.519 --> 00:21:33.680
Yeah.

00:21:33.839 --> 00:21:40.240
Because like I said, you're going to periodically check things and make sure one that any changes that have happened, that you updated those changes.

00:21:40.319 --> 00:21:40.480
Right.

00:21:40.640 --> 00:21:45.519
But then also just having the conversation with your with your partner to say, like, we've been doing it this way.

00:21:45.599 --> 00:21:48.160
Is there anything that we could change to improve it to make it better?

00:21:48.400 --> 00:21:49.119
Does this make sense?

00:21:49.359 --> 00:21:53.200
Yeah, so like the biggest thing here is the visibility aspect.

00:21:53.599 --> 00:21:59.680
And that's where a lot of people um fall short, is that they don't have the visibility into the daily finances.

00:21:59.839 --> 00:22:04.960
So, what is an easy way to set up tomorrow to start to get that visibility?

00:22:05.200 --> 00:22:06.319
Monarch money.

00:22:06.559 --> 00:22:07.519
We use it ourselves.

00:22:07.680 --> 00:22:07.759
Yeah.

00:22:08.000 --> 00:22:09.119
Monarch Money is so nice.

00:22:09.359 --> 00:22:15.599
It's a financial software slash app that allows you to basically connect all your various accounts.

00:22:15.680 --> 00:22:25.680
So you can connect your credit cards, your bank accounts, your mortgage, your student loans, everything so that you see it in a central hub, which is called an account aggregator.

00:22:25.759 --> 00:22:33.680
So instead of having to go to all these various different sites in order to see all this information, it pulls it all into one central place for you to be able to see it.

00:22:33.839 --> 00:22:39.680
Even your you can link your 401k plans, your other investment accounts, and see it all in one place.

00:22:39.920 --> 00:22:48.960
And that right there, simply doing that is going to be night and day for those people who aren't currently doing and don't have that vis uh that that viewpoint.

00:22:49.200 --> 00:22:51.680
Well, yeah, because also, how much is our water bill?

00:22:51.759 --> 00:22:52.799
How much is our light bill?

00:22:52.880 --> 00:22:53.920
How much is our gas bill?

00:22:54.319 --> 00:22:55.359
Like every month he knows.

00:22:55.440 --> 00:22:57.279
I'm like, why is the water bill so high?

00:22:57.359 --> 00:22:59.440
Like, what is happening to the water bill here?

00:22:59.599 --> 00:23:00.880
Like, I don't understand.

00:23:01.119 --> 00:23:03.039
But again, he pays it.

00:23:03.200 --> 00:23:07.920
I know about it, I rip and rant about it every single month, but it's there.

00:23:08.000 --> 00:23:11.279
And I know that it's getting paid, I know what it is.

00:23:11.519 --> 00:23:17.039
And if there's ever an outlier, it's also an opportunity to say, hey, why is it so high?

00:23:17.279 --> 00:23:20.000
Or did somebody leave the hose on while we were gone?

00:23:20.160 --> 00:23:21.039
Like, what's happening?

00:23:21.279 --> 00:23:22.079
Do we have a leak?

00:23:22.240 --> 00:23:23.599
Whatever that might be.

00:23:23.839 --> 00:23:27.759
It's it's that it takes two people to run a home.

00:23:28.079 --> 00:23:33.119
And I mean, if you're in a partnership, it takes two people to run a home.

00:23:33.759 --> 00:23:35.200
You need the visibility.

00:23:35.440 --> 00:23:37.359
That's what this is all about.

00:23:37.519 --> 00:23:45.359
Now we have done an episode on the essential documents and things that you need.

00:23:45.599 --> 00:23:47.440
Um we can link that in the show.

00:23:47.839 --> 00:23:52.160
In the event that somebody passes away, again, where's the mortgage?

00:23:52.240 --> 00:23:53.519
Where's the 401k?

00:23:53.599 --> 00:23:56.160
What kind of insurance policies do you have, etc.?

00:23:56.400 --> 00:23:57.920
There's layers to this, right?

00:23:58.079 --> 00:24:04.319
Right now, if you're listening to this episode and you're thinking, I have no idea where our mortgage is.

00:24:04.480 --> 00:24:07.759
I have no idea who our electricity carrier is.

00:24:08.000 --> 00:24:11.839
I have not paid a cell phone bill in eight years.

00:24:12.079 --> 00:24:16.799
If you're thinking any of those things right now, I want you to start in your home.

00:24:17.039 --> 00:24:19.039
Think about the things that you touch every day.

00:24:19.279 --> 00:24:22.480
You touch the water faucet, you're turning on the thermostat.

00:24:22.640 --> 00:24:25.359
Right now it's getting a little chillier in certain parts of the world.

00:24:25.599 --> 00:24:26.319
You're picking up your phone.

00:24:26.559 --> 00:24:28.240
It's picking up your cell phone.

00:24:28.559 --> 00:24:30.160
Think about those things, right?

00:24:30.240 --> 00:24:31.680
Oh, the lawn looks really nice.

00:24:31.839 --> 00:24:36.240
If you guys aren't the ones doing it, well, it's it's getting done by somebody, somebody's getting paid.

00:24:36.400 --> 00:24:54.880
Think about all the things in your home, inside and outside, that you are not aware of and write them down and then make a plan to talk to your partner to say, hey, I listened to this episode with Jess and Brandon, and I really want to be a contributing member to understanding our finances.

00:24:55.039 --> 00:24:56.319
I would like to learn more.

00:24:56.480 --> 00:25:00.079
Can you help me understand what's going on in our home?

00:25:00.240 --> 00:25:05.759
I would love to be a part of taking a little bit of that burden off of your plate, right?

00:25:06.000 --> 00:25:06.960
Having visibility.

00:25:07.119 --> 00:25:15.039
If you have children, it's an easy way to say, hey, I really want to make sure that our kids are taken care of in the event that you're not here.

00:25:15.200 --> 00:25:17.599
But right now, I don't feel like I could do that.

00:25:17.759 --> 00:25:19.039
I cannot keep them safe.

00:25:19.200 --> 00:25:20.480
I cannot keep the lights on.

00:25:20.640 --> 00:25:22.079
I cannot keep the water running.

00:25:22.319 --> 00:25:24.000
I don't even know where those bills live.

00:25:24.079 --> 00:25:27.039
I have no idea how much the water bill costs every month.

00:25:27.200 --> 00:25:28.559
Can you help me understand?

00:25:28.720 --> 00:25:34.000
I would love to sit down with some dedicated time for you to walk me through those things.

00:25:34.079 --> 00:25:38.640
And please let me know how I can contribute to taking some of this burden off of your plate.

00:25:38.799 --> 00:25:41.440
I don't want you to feel like you're in this by yourself.

00:25:41.759 --> 00:25:43.359
That's where we want to get to.

00:25:43.519 --> 00:25:44.799
We want to get to visibility.

00:25:44.960 --> 00:25:48.880
This is not about shame and guilt or not trusting your partner.

00:25:49.440 --> 00:25:56.880
This is about having visibility so that in the event of an emergency, you can take care of what needs to be taken care of.

00:25:57.200 --> 00:25:57.440
Yeah.

00:25:57.519 --> 00:26:06.240
And if you've already, unfortunately, gone through this negative experience, learn from it and progress forward in a different way.

00:26:06.480 --> 00:26:13.039
So all the things that, you know, led to that previous experience happening, as far as you not having that viewpoint, you're at a new starting point now.

00:26:13.279 --> 00:26:19.920
Start to have that, you know, that those insights and understanding of your financial situation so that if this doesn't happen to you a second time.

00:26:20.240 --> 00:26:20.559
Right.

00:26:20.799 --> 00:26:21.359
Exactly.

00:26:21.599 --> 00:26:28.079
So again, this none of our episodes are ever about shame or guilt or you did this wrong or you should have done this better.

00:26:28.319 --> 00:26:36.480
We're leaving all of that in the past and we are only moving forward to, I didn't know where my water bill was yesterday, but I know where it is tomorrow, right?

00:26:36.559 --> 00:27:01.279
And making a plan, getting some documentation in place, getting an app in place, making sure that your partner knows that you want to be involved, you want to be part of understanding everything to do with the household and then figuring out a plan for you to, you know, contribute, have a monthly money meeting, whatever that might be, negotiate some of your rates down, et cetera, so that you have visibility and that you are taking an active part.

00:27:01.680 --> 00:27:13.920
Also, again, if you have not run your credit report in the last 12 months, you need to do that because you want to make sure that any account that is associated with your um social security number is yours.

00:27:14.160 --> 00:27:17.359
If there's any surprises, you need to be disputing them.

00:27:17.519 --> 00:27:22.720
And then you need to be locking your credit bureaus so that there's a lot of fraud going on out there.

00:27:22.880 --> 00:27:26.160
We want to make sure that your accounts and your credit are locked.

00:27:26.319 --> 00:27:31.519
And if you're not actively looking to open up any new lines of credit right now, then you don't need them.

00:27:31.680 --> 00:27:39.680
So Experian, TransUnion, and Equifax, you can go to their online portals and you can put a temporary freeze.

00:27:39.839 --> 00:27:43.920
I think it's called like freezing and thawing, because you can open it at any any time.

00:27:44.079 --> 00:27:47.440
Like we usually open ours when we're opening up a new credit card.

00:27:47.680 --> 00:27:52.960
Uh we bought new cars last year, but for the most part, they stay closed.

00:27:53.279 --> 00:27:56.720
So protect yourself, get the visibility that you need.

00:27:57.359 --> 00:27:58.400
Organization is key.

00:27:58.640 --> 00:27:59.680
Organization is key.

00:27:59.920 --> 00:28:01.519
We don't want you to not have visibility.

00:28:01.680 --> 00:28:08.400
And we also um and uh in the show notes, we'll have a link also for you if you want to do try signing up for Monarch Money.

00:28:08.559 --> 00:28:08.720
Yes.

00:28:08.960 --> 00:28:09.759
I highly recommend it.

00:28:09.920 --> 00:28:10.160
Yes.

00:28:10.240 --> 00:28:11.759
We'll link to our other episode.

00:28:11.839 --> 00:28:14.480
We'll link to we call it our When I Die Guide.

00:28:14.559 --> 00:28:16.960
It's a little morbid, but you know, maybe work on that name.

00:28:17.200 --> 00:28:18.480
You need to be you need to be prepared.

00:28:18.559 --> 00:28:19.680
So we'll link to that as well.

00:28:19.759 --> 00:28:23.519
And then to our Monarch Money, which is a wonderful account aggregator.

00:28:23.680 --> 00:28:27.920
It takes like less than 10 minutes to get all of your accounts into one place.

00:28:28.079 --> 00:28:32.240
Um, and then you have that visibility that so many people desperately need.

00:28:32.400 --> 00:28:35.519
So um, ladies, this episode was for you.

00:28:36.160 --> 00:28:39.680
Email, reach out, slide in our DMs, ask any questions that you have.

00:28:39.839 --> 00:28:46.079
We are here for you, we are reading for you, and you can do this, and you're not bad at numbers, so stop saying that to yourself.

00:28:46.799 --> 00:28:47.680
We'll talk to you soon.