Sept. 24, 2025
107: Avoid Money Drama: How Early Should Finances Come Up in Dating
In this episode, Jessica and Brandon dive into a tricky but essential question: How soon should you bring up money when you're dating?
They unpack why money often feels taboo, share tips to start the conversation without tension, and explore real‐life stories about financial expectations, backgrounds, and values. Whether you're in your 20s, 30s, or beyond, you’ll get tools to help you be curious, open, and intentional in your relationships.
What You’ll Learn:
- How early is “too early” vs. “too late” to talk about things like debt, financial goals, and spending styles.
- Simple conversation starters that don’t feel intimidating.
- How upbringing & past financial habits influence what you expect (and need) in a partner.
- What to do if your partner resists having the money talk.
Questions we answer:
- Should you ask about money on date one, date two, or after you get more serious?
- What clues about a person’s financial mindset can you pick up in subtle ways?
- When is it okay to split bills 50/50 vs. proportionally?
If you’ve navigated this conversation well, or struggled badly, share your stories with us! We love hearing what works (and what doesn’t) in real life.
Head over to our YouTube channel to catch this episode in full video form.
Apply to be a guest on the show.
You can also email us at: thesugardaddypodcast@gmail.com
Connect with us on Instagram
We’re most active over at @thesugardaddypodcast
Chat with Brandon
Want to work together? Learn more about Brandon
Book a free 30-min call to see if it's a fit.
Show us some love, hit subscribe, leave a five star rating, and drop a quick review!
Money, relationships, and the mindset to master both. Hosted by financial advisor Brandon and his wife Jess, The Sugar Daddy Podcast breaks down how to build wealth, unpack old money beliefs, and have real conversations about love and finances. Our mission? To help couples and individuals grow rich in every sense of the word: emotionally, relationally and financially.
Chapters
00:00 - Money Conversations in Dating Relationships
04:15 - Dating Dynamics and Money Talk Timing
08:45 - Modern Dating and Financial Expectations
14:18 - Non-Intimidating Ways to Discuss Finances
21:55 - Income Disparities in Relationships
27:24 - Financial Red Flags in Dating
30:08 - Final Thoughts and Recommendations
Transcript
WEBVTT
00:00:00.561 --> 00:00:08.755
In today's episode we are going to talk about how soon we think you should talk about money in your dating relationship.
00:00:08.755 --> 00:00:19.644
We're also going to give you tips and tricks to have non-intimidating conversations with the people that you're dating, so you can find out the information about where their head is with finances early on.
00:00:19.644 --> 00:00:21.887
Hey babe, what are we?
00:00:22.467 --> 00:00:23.428
talking about today.
00:00:33.841 --> 00:00:40.173
Today we are talking about how early into a relationship you should start talking about money.
00:00:41.241 --> 00:00:51.060
That is a very interesting one for people, because I would say that normally, obviously, money is one of those taboo topics and most people don't want to talk about it, even after they're married.
00:00:51.301 --> 00:01:01.728
So, yeah, I just don't think that people talk about it at all and there's like this awkward air about money and it stresses people out.
00:01:01.728 --> 00:01:15.930
People feel guilt and shame around past money mistakes and then they just don't want to be vulnerable with their partner or the person they're dating Because it's like you know, you are like uncovering yourself.
00:01:16.772 --> 00:01:20.061
I think also too, with like how dating is now.
00:01:20.061 --> 00:01:44.195
I mean, obviously I don't know how dating is now, but from our you know my brother and some of our friends that are still single that dating in and of itself is harder as you get older, let alone adding this extra layer of talking about money early on Because you know if you are not on the same page as your partner when it comes to how you want to handle your finances, I can tell you that that's probably not going to work out as far as from a relationship standpoint.
00:01:45.141 --> 00:01:47.128
Well, you need money to survive.
00:01:47.128 --> 00:01:56.555
So talking about money early, I think, is just as important, especially because we're getting older and we shouldn't just be dating to date.
00:01:56.555 --> 00:02:03.463
Hopefully you're dating because you want to be in a long term relationship, maybe you want to be married, maybe you still want children.
00:02:03.463 --> 00:02:05.381
Like time is of the essence.
00:02:05.381 --> 00:02:07.367
I mean I personally don't have any time to waste.
00:02:07.367 --> 00:02:17.098
So you not knowing, like, if somebody wants a child early on, like we probably don't need to go past date one or two.
00:02:17.618 --> 00:02:23.471
I don't want to be month six finding out you want six children or you want no children.
00:02:23.471 --> 00:02:25.677
Like we need to find that out early so that we can figure out.
00:02:25.677 --> 00:02:27.971
Do we need to find that out early so that we can figure out, do we need to keep going?
00:02:27.971 --> 00:02:32.316
I think it's the same thing for talking about money.
00:02:32.316 --> 00:02:53.403
I mean, realistically, let's say you are with somebody who wants a homemaker and you are a woman who is career driven, you've got goals, you've got certifications and licenses and all these degrees, and now you are dating somebody that's like no, no, I want you barefoot and pregnant at home with our babies.
00:02:53.403 --> 00:02:54.926
What.
00:02:54.926 --> 00:02:55.889
That's not going to work.
00:02:56.691 --> 00:02:59.323
So let's break it down maybe by like age.
00:02:59.323 --> 00:03:05.687
As far as what you think how early on you should start talking about money when you're dating, let's say you're in your mid to late 20s, how early do you think how early on you should start talking about money?
00:03:05.687 --> 00:03:11.241
When you're dating, let's say you're in your mid to late 20s, how early do you think they should start talking about money, like how many dates in?
00:03:11.241 --> 00:03:12.063
Okay, are we in?
00:03:12.125 --> 00:03:13.328
college or are we post?
00:03:13.367 --> 00:03:13.628
college.
00:03:13.628 --> 00:03:16.263
No, I said mid to late, mid to late 20s, so you're not.
00:03:16.584 --> 00:03:18.248
Listen, my answer is going to say the same.
00:03:18.248 --> 00:03:21.465
You talk about it as early as possible, like honestly, so what?
00:03:21.465 --> 00:03:23.729
You just graduated college a few years ago.
00:03:23.729 --> 00:03:24.931
You're early in career.
00:03:24.931 --> 00:03:26.322
Do you have student loans?
00:03:26.322 --> 00:03:27.385
Do you not have student loans?
00:03:27.385 --> 00:03:28.570
Did you get scholarships?
00:03:28.570 --> 00:03:30.481
How much are you paying for your student loans?
00:03:30.662 --> 00:03:33.388
so we're talking like date one, day two.
00:03:33.407 --> 00:03:37.562
I would say in the first, like, let's say you're seeing each other once a week.
00:03:38.344 --> 00:03:50.167
I would say by month two it needs to have come up okay, so we're saying assuming that days maybe you've gone on at least four or five dates sure yeah I would agree with that.
00:03:50.187 --> 00:03:52.913
I don't know how often are people seeing each other.
00:03:52.913 --> 00:03:56.647
Like you don't let's assume you don't have kids, you're working.
00:03:56.647 --> 00:04:01.687
I mean, are you seeing each other like midweek couple times, or just on the weekends?
00:04:01.687 --> 00:04:09.710
I mean, obviously it depends on how often you see that person but, like you said, if you're, seeing that person, or you're not exclusive, so maybe you're seeing multiple people.
00:04:09.710 --> 00:04:15.465
Listen, I don't know what y'all be doing out in these streets these days we're assuming, for example, we haven't dated in a long time.
00:04:15.879 --> 00:04:20.146
The money conversation comes up because maybe you are interested in seeing this person longer term.
00:04:20.146 --> 00:04:26.274
So, like you said, a couple of dates in, because I don't necessarily think that needs to be spoken about on the first date.
00:04:26.779 --> 00:04:26.880
No no.
00:04:26.901 --> 00:04:28.788
Because you're just trying to have fun and get to know each other.
00:04:28.788 --> 00:04:35.971
Sure, a couple of dates, you're just having that more light talk to know more about the person and understand who they are.
00:04:36.713 --> 00:04:54.764
Yeah, okay, on things happening on the internets that people are coming up against these types of scenarios where, like maybe you will talk about money early, right, because apparently there's dudes out here now that are like let's go 5050.
00:04:54.764 --> 00:05:05.108
There's women out here that are like I don't even want the pressure of somebody thinking that I'm going on this date for a free meal, like I don't know that anybody has that kind of time to waste.
00:05:05.108 --> 00:05:07.387
So some people are just like listen, let's split it.
00:05:07.387 --> 00:05:09.132
I got myself, you got yourself.
00:05:09.132 --> 00:05:15.879
I know that there's like this whole other element of like we're no longer doing dinner dates because it's too much time, too much money.
00:05:15.879 --> 00:05:21.223
So like let's meet for coffee and like a walk around the park and keep it super low stakes.
00:05:21.425 --> 00:05:22.185
I like that idea.
00:05:22.185 --> 00:05:23.466
It's supposed to be like the first date.
00:05:23.466 --> 00:05:27.910
I think, yeah, I think you don't need to drop $100 on somebody you don't know.
00:05:28.209 --> 00:05:30.192
Yeah, I agree with that, or more you know.
00:05:30.192 --> 00:05:30.973
Dinner is expensive.
00:05:31.252 --> 00:05:31.752
I agree with that.
00:05:31.752 --> 00:05:36.817
As a guy who went on multiple dates prior to obviously meeting you, I mean it would add up.
00:05:36.817 --> 00:05:39.622
Like if you're genuinely trying to meet somebody.
00:05:39.641 --> 00:05:40.242
It does add up quickly.
00:05:40.242 --> 00:05:49.779
So I mean, but that might be one of those things where it can go a lot of different ways, right Some, let's say I'm going to speak from the woman's perspective.
00:05:49.779 --> 00:05:55.771
I think some women would be super offended if you were like, hey, let's go 50-50.
00:05:55.771 --> 00:05:58.987
Or, like you know, are you good with paying for yourself?
00:05:58.987 --> 00:06:03.163
I think there are women who are like absolutely not, that's just never how I'm going to roll.
00:06:03.163 --> 00:06:07.452
And then there's other women who are going to be like, yeah, absolutely Like, that's totally fair.
00:06:11.139 --> 00:06:12.846
So I think it's a good discussion point, like if it comes up.
00:06:12.846 --> 00:06:16.137
I honestly also think that that discussion could happen before the date, Because obviously you've?
00:06:16.156 --> 00:06:17.060
Yeah, don't have me show up.
00:06:17.160 --> 00:06:33.572
Either nowadays you've matched on an app, you're communicating back and forth, whether it's via text, or I seem like a lot of people nowadays, for some reason, don't talk to the person before actually meeting them, which is kind of crazy to me but you've had some type of communication with the person prior to actually going on the first date.
00:06:33.572 --> 00:06:41.072
So, especially as a guy, if you are one of those guys were like I wanted to go 50-50 on the first date, which I'm not knocking anybody.
00:06:41.072 --> 00:06:41.913
Do what works for you.
00:06:41.913 --> 00:06:43.762
I think you should verbalize that.
00:06:44.545 --> 00:06:46.367
I think like, hey, are you okay?
00:06:46.367 --> 00:06:48.512
Hey, are you okay with going 50-50?
00:06:48.512 --> 00:06:50.619
Because if she's how do you feel about-.
00:06:50.699 --> 00:06:57.005
Yeah, because if she says no and you are very much like I think we should then that kind of gives you the idea that, hey, maybe we don't need to go on a date.
00:06:57.480 --> 00:06:58.502
Right 100%.
00:06:58.523 --> 00:07:10.584
Guys, I never, never did that, but I've seen things now where guys use that to gauge different things, whether it's right or wrong, because it's like a test, though I don't like it if it's I wouldn't say it's a test, I say gauge.
00:07:10.584 --> 00:07:15.723
So like the way that I so, like the way that, if you're gauging, other men are testing yeah, some people are testing.
00:07:15.744 --> 00:07:23.988
So I would use it in the sense of if I was going to use it to be like are, are you willing, are you looking for like?
00:07:23.988 --> 00:07:36.050
Also, you just have the conversation because, like when we were like, I'm the type of person where I want to pay for the first dates, but I also did one, you know, a 50, 50 or whatever that may be as far as um contribution in the marriage.
00:07:36.050 --> 00:07:47.935
So I think you can go, you could pay for the first few dates and that woman's still being um 100 on board for being 50 50-50 in the relationship as it goes forward.
00:07:48.375 --> 00:07:50.387
Yeah Well, and you know I don't believe in 50-50.
00:07:50.519 --> 00:07:52.007
And I know what you mean by 50-50.
00:07:52.319 --> 00:07:53.766
50-50 effort.
00:07:53.766 --> 00:07:54.408
Effort.
00:07:54.548 --> 00:08:07.894
Effort Not necessarily the details and all that stuff, right, right, right, yeah, I mean I think you can gather a lot of information from somebody based on how they approach that conversation.
00:08:07.894 --> 00:08:13.812
I definitely think, like you said, it needs to be had before we show up to wherever we are going.
00:08:13.812 --> 00:08:28.387
And I think also, you know we've, we've Tori Dunlap from her first 100K, you know she's obviously a multimillionaire and her partner, I don't even think, based on the information I know, that he makes six figures.
00:08:28.387 --> 00:08:42.163
So there's a huge wage gap, right, and she wrote an article, or was featured in an article where on their first date he said Listen, I've looked you up, I understand what you're about.
00:08:42.885 --> 00:08:45.350
I do not make as much money as you.
00:08:45.350 --> 00:08:52.333
However, even though I understand you are very capable of paying for your own meal, I would like to pay for you.
00:08:52.333 --> 00:08:53.397
Is that okay?
00:08:53.397 --> 00:09:00.783
And they actually just celebrated their three year anniversary, and I just think it's so important to establish those dynamics.
00:09:00.783 --> 00:09:13.363
Just because you don't earn the same amount, or whatever that dynamic is, doesn't mean that you can't talk about it and verbalize it and show up in other ways that are meaningful, right Like there.
00:09:13.363 --> 00:09:21.466
There was another post, I think, recently, where he had been saving up to take her to like a Michelin star or multi Michelin star restaurant.
00:09:21.466 --> 00:09:33.806
That's a big sacrifice for him because he is a lower earner, but it meant so much to her because she knows it's not just something where he can slap his car down and it not be thoughtful.
00:09:33.806 --> 00:09:41.629
So I think it's really when you get into the relationship, it's really about the effort and the meaning behind it, right.
00:09:41.669 --> 00:09:42.532
Like I agree.
00:09:42.831 --> 00:09:43.860
I think that's what it is.
00:09:43.860 --> 00:09:49.581
It's the intentionality of showing up for your partner, aside from what the money is.
00:09:49.581 --> 00:10:04.235
Yeah, I agree, having shown sacrifice and intentionality right.
00:10:04.235 --> 00:10:17.993
So I think that the conversation should show up early, regardless of age, and I think that there's a variety of ways that you can do it that don't come across intimidating, and I think that's what people need to focus on.
00:10:18.926 --> 00:10:34.850
I think that is 100% the point, because I think, in this day and age, I think men are having this battle against women in regards to intimidation, where, like, they're trying to say that women aren't letting men be men and women are trying to be men.
00:10:34.850 --> 00:10:35.774
I think that's.
00:10:36.044 --> 00:10:38.774
Listen, nobody's trying to be out here trying to be a man.
00:10:38.774 --> 00:10:41.114
We are all out here trying to be in our soft life era.
00:10:41.114 --> 00:10:42.691
Ok, let me be very clear.
00:10:42.691 --> 00:10:45.774
We are all seeking the soft life at this point.
00:10:46.105 --> 00:10:57.707
I also think that you know if, if you're a man who's constantly coming across women that you think want to be men, maybe you're not being a man and they have to be, cause you also got to take some looking internally.
00:10:57.707 --> 00:11:06.010
You know, if you're not providing that stability or whatever she needs quote, unquote the man qualities then maybe that's why she's acting that way.
00:11:06.150 --> 00:11:13.421
Yes, like listen, things need to get done for us to then sit down on the couch and relax, to do nothing.
00:11:14.025 --> 00:11:15.631
I know I personally struggle with this.
00:11:15.631 --> 00:11:32.408
I cannot sit on the couch and watch TV and do nothing, even though I need it physically, when the laundry is not done and the counters need to be cleaned and there's little dust, bunnies and you know, the book bags haven't been cleaned out and the lunches haven't been prepared, and the list never ends.
00:11:32.408 --> 00:11:54.886
So, in order for me to sit down and feel rested, feel calm, feel relaxed, we all need to do our part, and so I think for you to do all the things that you know are meaningful for me to be able to find peace and calm not that I feel like I've ever shown up as the man, right, but like you need to do your part to what you said, you as a man.
00:11:54.886 --> 00:12:04.297
If you want to show up as the man and not say, oh, she's trying to take over, she's trying to be a man, well then you need to do the things that allow her to be in her soft girl era.
00:12:04.998 --> 00:12:13.394
And also in this day and age, if you know, a lot of households cause everything, like everything is expensive and it's just going to get more expensive, and so you, most households, are dual income.
00:12:13.394 --> 00:12:19.758
So if both of you guys are working and bringing an income, then also the work at home should be split.
00:12:19.758 --> 00:12:27.034
It shouldn't necessarily be the traditional thing where if you're both working where you come home and the woman is still doing a lot of the household stuff, so you should split it.
00:12:27.034 --> 00:12:32.374
And I'm telling you guys, like, if you want more one-on-one time with your wife, take care of these things.
00:12:32.374 --> 00:12:45.836
Fold the laundry, you know, clean the bathroom, make sure the dishes are in the dishwasher and put away like gas up her car, do all those things, and that's going to lead to her being in a better mood and more relaxed for you to have some more one-on-one time.
00:12:46.217 --> 00:13:03.936
Yes, okay, but before we can get to all the one-on-one time, let's talk about the ways that you can approach a money conversation Honestly at any point in life, whether you're senior year of high school, senior year of college, mid-20s, early 30s.
00:13:03.936 --> 00:13:25.636
I think it's about taking the intimidation out of the money conversation and I think you could start with something easy, right, like, let's say, you're in the younger, younger years and I think this would work, even if you're in your 40s or beyond finding out what's the first bill you had to pay, right, yeah, like.
00:13:25.636 --> 00:13:26.558
Was it your cell phone?
00:13:26.558 --> 00:13:27.811
Was it your car insurance?
00:13:27.811 --> 00:13:33.317
Because you're going to have people that are like I've been paying everything since I was able to have a job and I was 15 years old.
00:13:33.317 --> 00:13:44.520
And then you're going to have other people who are like I still don't pay my own bills and I'm 32 years old and I'm still out here, you know, on my parents' phone bill and that's even the difference between me and you.
00:13:44.581 --> 00:13:45.841
Like you had a.
00:13:45.841 --> 00:13:49.162
Like I played sports in high school, so I didn't work throughout the year.
00:13:49.162 --> 00:14:04.049
I worked in the summers, but I worked in a year and so I didn't pay for, like, my own gas or my own insurance or anything in my car, and you did yeah, I, my parents, bought me my first car and the rule was you have to pay for the insurance and the gas and all maintenance and upkeep.
00:14:04.409 --> 00:14:14.889
Now, that's not to say that they didn't pitch in, but that was the expectation that they they provide the vehicle and I maintain it so that it's safe and drivable.
00:14:14.889 --> 00:14:19.407
And I took care of that thing every Saturday, I cleaned it, I vacuumed it out.
00:14:19.407 --> 00:14:22.092
I one thing about me I like a clean car to this day.
00:14:22.092 --> 00:14:24.097
So, yeah, I mean those are.
00:14:24.097 --> 00:14:25.568
Those are big differences.
00:14:25.629 --> 00:14:43.434
Like I was working throughout high school, throughout college, 30 plus hours a week, like I would go straight from school and I had band practice and whatever into working, and there was times I didn't get home until, you know, 10 plus at night and that was fine.
00:14:43.434 --> 00:14:56.832
Like, I mean it, that was the expectation is like, if I want spending money, I need to make money, and if I want to drive this car I mean that was back in the day you could, you know, get half a tank on five bucks, which was amazing.
00:14:56.832 --> 00:14:57.534
I mean literally.
00:14:57.534 --> 00:15:11.250
I remember being like, oh, let me put three dollars in and you would be able to like go up the road, you know, yeah and like I didn't start working like on a consistent basis till I was a like the summer after my sophomore year of college.
00:15:11.652 --> 00:15:11.893
Yeah.
00:15:12.065 --> 00:15:18.455
And then I started working, like you know, 30 hours a week or so, and then, probably during the school year, I was doing like 24 hours a week.
00:15:19.005 --> 00:15:28.472
Well, and I think even a simple question like that helps you understand, like, okay, if our children, once they hit high school, what's the expectation going to be?
00:15:28.472 --> 00:15:40.447
Because I can tell you we've had these conversations and because I worked and brandon didn't, right, not that I didn't have extracurriculars, not that I wasn't involved in things.
00:15:40.447 --> 00:15:50.735
His is always like well, I was in sports, I was in sports, I was in sports, I didn't have time, and I'm like I was in things and I had to make the time, so we Not the same.
00:15:50.825 --> 00:15:56.839
We have differences of opinion there, but it's a good way to spark the conversation, right, you could also.
00:15:59.249 --> 00:16:07.885
I'm just saying, like I get out of school, I'd go straight to practice and then I'd get.
00:16:07.905 --> 00:16:08.667
I'd drive home and I'd get home around.
00:16:08.667 --> 00:16:13.846
You know, 7, 30, 7 do my work three hour shift at the Piggly Wiggly so you weren't going to bed until like midnight.
00:16:13.865 --> 00:16:14.567
When did you do your homework?
00:16:16.270 --> 00:16:18.414
I mean it got done.
00:16:18.754 --> 00:16:24.452
I don't know but then, like on Saturdays and Sundays, I was, I was at games all day that.
00:16:24.493 --> 00:16:25.193
That's fine.
00:16:25.615 --> 00:16:27.018
I'm saying like that doesn't make sense.
00:16:27.018 --> 00:16:28.749
Like if you don't.
00:16:28.749 --> 00:16:30.153
Like I don't think that makes sense.
00:16:30.153 --> 00:16:33.916
Like for you to do all that.
00:16:34.105 --> 00:16:38.914
See how that simple conversation or that simple question can spark this kind of a dialogue.
00:16:39.856 --> 00:16:48.418
That's all it takes Like for your kids, like it doesn't make sense for like if, if you don't need like understand instilling work ethic, because that's really what it is it's instilling work ethic and discipline.
00:16:48.458 --> 00:16:49.100
Yes, yeah.
00:16:49.184 --> 00:16:54.918
You could do that by not having your kid have to go to bed at midnight every night to get everything done.
00:16:55.404 --> 00:16:55.826
And I'm not.
00:16:55.826 --> 00:16:57.071
Listen, I'm not over here.
00:16:57.071 --> 00:16:59.831
Like I got it out the mud, now I need my kids to get it out the mud.
00:16:59.831 --> 00:17:08.426
No, that this is that's funny.
00:17:08.446 --> 00:17:10.592
We're talking about sparking conversation, yes, and even between us.
00:17:10.592 --> 00:17:11.894
Almost how many years have we been doing this?
00:17:11.914 --> 00:17:15.971
we'll be nine years married, okay, and over a decade together, so it still sparks conversation.
00:17:15.971 --> 00:17:16.773
That's the point.
00:17:17.436 --> 00:17:29.838
Choose questions that spark the conversation, without intimidation question do you think would be a good question, like early on in the date, as far as hey, if you were doing the lottery, what would you do?
00:17:30.059 --> 00:17:30.661
Hundred percent.
00:17:30.661 --> 00:17:32.065
That was going to be my next one, right?
00:17:32.065 --> 00:17:35.753
Like if you didn't have to pay another bill ever in your life.
00:17:35.753 --> 00:17:37.637
Like, how would you spend your time?
00:17:37.637 --> 00:17:40.094
What would you do if you won the lottery?
00:17:40.094 --> 00:17:41.490
What's the first thing you would buy?
00:17:42.046 --> 00:17:44.413
Those types of questions help you dream.
00:17:44.413 --> 00:18:00.266
They lead right back into our dream framework, right, where you're diving into somebody's past, you're reflecting how it shows up in your current, you're engaging, and then those three elements can go into how you act and manage your money.
00:18:00.266 --> 00:18:02.372
Right, like the actions you take to manage your money.
00:18:02.372 --> 00:18:04.417
But I mean 100%.
00:18:04.417 --> 00:18:18.026
You want to know like is somebody if, if somebody won the lottery and they're like I would buy a mansion and 12 cars, oh, okay, like, no judgment, that's great, but like that might make me ask a couple of other questions.
00:18:18.026 --> 00:18:24.178
Right, because to me that says maybe you value material things over experiences.
00:18:24.178 --> 00:18:26.532
I'm a big experience person, right?
00:18:26.532 --> 00:18:30.278
Like, are we going to sync up in that way If you won the lottery?
00:18:30.278 --> 00:18:31.585
And you're like I want a Ferrari?
00:18:31.585 --> 00:18:35.853
And I'm like, hmm, I want to like feed the kids in Bali?
00:18:35.853 --> 00:18:40.809
Like, uh, okay, maybe we need to dive a little further into that conversation.
00:18:41.111 --> 00:18:44.409
I mean you can also have the conversation of asking like just how was your upbringing?
00:18:44.409 --> 00:18:45.512
I mean like how was things.
00:18:45.532 --> 00:18:46.635
Did you get an allowance?
00:18:47.506 --> 00:18:47.886
Who paid?
00:18:47.906 --> 00:18:49.031
the bills in your house.
00:18:49.505 --> 00:18:51.492
I mean, you don't necessarily go that deep initially.
00:18:51.492 --> 00:18:59.828
No, but you're staggering I think also finding out about somebody's upbringing can also dictate, like maybe how they think about things or how money was in their family.
00:18:59.828 --> 00:19:04.113
So for example, I'm asking somebody like you know if they're local, oh where'd you go to high school?
00:19:04.113 --> 00:19:05.554
And there's a big difference.
00:19:05.554 --> 00:19:08.496
Like I went to a nice public high school here in Raleigh, north Carolina.
00:19:08.496 --> 00:19:14.901
Nice public high school Kids have some money, but it wasn't Ravenscroft where you're paying like $30,000 a year to go.
00:19:15.320 --> 00:19:16.182
Right, that can tell you something.
00:19:16.182 --> 00:19:16.782
I was in public school.
00:19:17.025 --> 00:19:18.351
So it makes a difference.
00:19:18.351 --> 00:19:21.452
And maybe how your upbringing no money was handled.
00:19:22.074 --> 00:19:25.875
Yeah, I think all of those types of questions which I think naturally right.
00:19:25.875 --> 00:19:29.739
Don't you want to know how somebody was raised, what their upbringing was?
00:19:29.739 --> 00:19:32.181
Are your parents still together, are they not?
00:19:32.181 --> 00:19:33.301
Yeah, who was the?
00:19:33.301 --> 00:19:35.347
You know maybe, who was the breadwinner in your home?
00:19:35.347 --> 00:19:38.275
How did you see the bills getting paid?
00:19:38.275 --> 00:19:39.356
Like I mean, you want to.
00:19:39.356 --> 00:19:44.517
I would want to know did you grow up grow up with, you know, a scarcity mindset, did you?
00:19:44.517 --> 00:19:48.027
Did you did you struggle?
00:19:48.027 --> 00:20:06.996
Or you know like Brandon and his brother spent their summers in Europe playing soccer with a single mom paying all the bills, right, like that's very indicative of really interesting elements of your childhood, you know, because I would say, financially, you guys were probably better off than many dual income households.
00:20:07.096 --> 00:20:07.616
Yeah, definitely.
00:20:08.519 --> 00:20:20.490
And so when we started you know, seriously dating I knew that you weren't going to have a problem with me being somebody who values my career, because that's what you saw from your mom.
00:20:20.490 --> 00:20:26.665
So I think those are things that are important to talk about, like was your mom a stay-at-home mom, you know?
00:20:26.665 --> 00:20:28.553
Was one of your parents a stay-at-home parent?
00:20:28.553 --> 00:20:31.205
How many people were in your home, you know?
00:20:31.205 --> 00:20:32.431
I mean all those things.
00:20:32.625 --> 00:20:39.479
I mean honestly, I feel like this is the light question to say like, hey, like if we were to eventually continue dating and moving in together, would we split bills?
00:20:40.306 --> 00:20:41.210
And how would we split?
00:20:41.230 --> 00:20:41.511
them yeah.
00:20:42.025 --> 00:20:51.555
Right, because this whole notion of like 50-50, well, if one of us makes significantly more than the other person, why are we splitting things 50-50?
00:20:51.555 --> 00:21:03.665
Like, let's say, you make $100,000 a year and I make $40,000 a year, why are we both putting $700 into our rent, like now?
00:21:03.665 --> 00:21:11.077
I'm going to be struggling, even though you are quote unquote, catching a break because now I'm contributing.
00:21:11.157 --> 00:21:21.092
Like, talk about those things I think those are really fair conversations to have and you might want to have some sort of an agreement in place.
00:21:21.092 --> 00:21:27.616
You know, just because it's a romantic relationship, what kind of contract would you put in place with a regular roommate?
00:21:27.616 --> 00:21:29.781
You know, like what are the expectations there?
00:21:29.781 --> 00:21:33.578
It's just like, hey, you get the bigger room with the bathroom and the bigger closet.
00:21:33.598 --> 00:21:34.540
We haven't got there yet.
00:21:34.540 --> 00:21:35.303
You pay more.
00:21:35.303 --> 00:21:38.317
This is still having that conversation about money.
00:21:38.317 --> 00:21:54.115
Because the reason I say that, the reason I brought that up, is because I sometimes my brother talks to me about some of the you know his dating experiences and he had gone out with someone who had a job and you know was making you know decent money, a job and you know I was making you know decent, decent money.
00:21:54.115 --> 00:22:14.250
And when they he brought the conversation I was talking about like you know money and stuff like that, she was like oh, I expect you to, like I was with the guy to pay for everything and he's like so silly and he was like even while you're working, if we're making the same amount of money, and she's like yeah, and he was like yeah, that's not gonna work but okay, so let's talk about that, right?
00:00:00.561 --> 00:00:08.755
00:00:08.755 --> 00:00:19.644
00:00:19.644 --> 00:00:21.887
00:00:22.467 --> 00:00:23.428
00:00:33.841 --> 00:00:40.173
00:00:41.241 --> 00:00:51.060
00:00:51.301 --> 00:01:01.728
00:01:01.728 --> 00:01:15.930
00:01:16.772 --> 00:01:20.061
00:01:20.061 --> 00:01:44.195
00:01:45.141 --> 00:01:47.128
00:01:47.128 --> 00:01:56.555
00:01:56.555 --> 00:02:03.463
00:02:03.463 --> 00:02:05.381
00:02:05.381 --> 00:02:07.367
00:02:07.367 --> 00:02:17.098
00:02:17.618 --> 00:02:23.471
00:02:23.471 --> 00:02:25.677
00:02:25.677 --> 00:02:27.971
00:02:27.971 --> 00:02:32.316
00:02:32.316 --> 00:02:53.403
00:02:53.403 --> 00:02:54.926
00:02:54.926 --> 00:02:55.889
00:02:56.691 --> 00:02:59.323
00:02:59.323 --> 00:03:05.687
00:03:05.687 --> 00:03:11.241
00:03:11.241 --> 00:03:12.063
00:03:12.125 --> 00:03:13.328
00:03:13.367 --> 00:03:13.628
00:03:13.628 --> 00:03:16.263
00:03:16.584 --> 00:03:18.248
00:03:18.248 --> 00:03:21.465
00:03:21.465 --> 00:03:23.729
00:03:23.729 --> 00:03:24.931
00:03:24.931 --> 00:03:26.322
00:03:26.322 --> 00:03:27.385
00:03:27.385 --> 00:03:28.570
00:03:28.570 --> 00:03:30.481
00:03:30.662 --> 00:03:33.388
00:03:33.407 --> 00:03:37.562
00:03:38.344 --> 00:03:50.167
00:03:50.187 --> 00:03:52.913
00:03:52.913 --> 00:03:56.647
00:03:56.647 --> 00:04:01.687
00:04:01.687 --> 00:04:09.710
00:04:09.710 --> 00:04:15.465
00:04:15.879 --> 00:04:20.146
00:04:20.146 --> 00:04:26.274
00:04:26.779 --> 00:04:26.880
00:04:26.901 --> 00:04:28.788
00:04:28.788 --> 00:04:35.971
00:04:36.713 --> 00:04:54.764
00:04:54.764 --> 00:05:05.108
00:05:05.108 --> 00:05:07.387
00:05:07.387 --> 00:05:09.132
00:05:09.132 --> 00:05:15.879
00:05:15.879 --> 00:05:21.223
00:05:21.425 --> 00:05:22.185
00:05:22.185 --> 00:05:23.466
00:05:23.466 --> 00:05:27.910
00:05:28.209 --> 00:05:30.192
00:05:30.192 --> 00:05:30.973
00:05:31.252 --> 00:05:31.752
00:05:31.752 --> 00:05:36.817
00:05:36.817 --> 00:05:39.622
00:05:39.641 --> 00:05:40.242
00:05:40.242 --> 00:05:49.779
00:05:49.779 --> 00:05:55.771
00:05:55.771 --> 00:05:58.987
00:05:58.987 --> 00:06:03.163
00:06:03.163 --> 00:06:07.452
00:06:11.139 --> 00:06:12.846
00:06:12.846 --> 00:06:16.137
00:06:16.156 --> 00:06:17.060
00:06:17.160 --> 00:06:33.572
00:06:33.572 --> 00:06:41.072
00:06:41.072 --> 00:06:41.913
00:06:41.913 --> 00:06:43.762
00:06:44.545 --> 00:06:46.367
00:06:46.367 --> 00:06:48.512
00:06:48.512 --> 00:06:50.619
00:06:50.699 --> 00:06:57.005
00:06:57.480 --> 00:06:58.502
00:06:58.523 --> 00:07:10.584
00:07:10.584 --> 00:07:15.723
00:07:15.744 --> 00:07:23.988
00:07:23.988 --> 00:07:36.050
00:07:36.050 --> 00:07:47.935
00:07:48.375 --> 00:07:50.387
00:07:50.519 --> 00:07:52.007
00:07:52.319 --> 00:07:53.766
00:07:53.766 --> 00:07:54.408
00:07:54.548 --> 00:08:07.894
00:08:07.894 --> 00:08:13.812
00:08:13.812 --> 00:08:28.387
00:08:28.387 --> 00:08:42.163
00:08:42.885 --> 00:08:45.350
00:08:45.350 --> 00:08:52.333
00:08:52.333 --> 00:08:53.397
00:08:53.397 --> 00:09:00.783
00:09:00.783 --> 00:09:13.363
00:09:13.363 --> 00:09:21.466
00:09:21.466 --> 00:09:33.806
00:09:33.806 --> 00:09:41.629
00:09:41.669 --> 00:09:42.532
00:09:42.831 --> 00:09:43.860
00:09:43.860 --> 00:09:49.581
00:09:49.581 --> 00:10:04.235
00:10:04.235 --> 00:10:17.993
00:10:18.926 --> 00:10:34.850
00:10:34.850 --> 00:10:35.774
00:10:36.044 --> 00:10:38.774
00:10:38.774 --> 00:10:41.114
00:10:41.114 --> 00:10:42.691
00:10:42.691 --> 00:10:45.774
00:10:46.105 --> 00:10:57.707
00:10:57.707 --> 00:11:06.010
00:11:06.150 --> 00:11:13.421
00:11:14.025 --> 00:11:15.631
00:11:15.631 --> 00:11:32.408
00:11:32.408 --> 00:11:54.886
00:11:54.886 --> 00:12:04.297
00:12:04.998 --> 00:12:13.394
00:12:13.394 --> 00:12:19.758
00:12:19.758 --> 00:12:27.034
00:12:27.034 --> 00:12:32.374
00:12:32.374 --> 00:12:45.836
00:12:46.217 --> 00:13:03.936
00:13:03.936 --> 00:13:25.636
00:13:25.636 --> 00:13:26.558
00:13:26.558 --> 00:13:27.811
00:13:27.811 --> 00:13:33.317
00:13:33.317 --> 00:13:44.520
00:13:44.581 --> 00:13:45.841
00:13:45.841 --> 00:13:49.162
00:13:49.162 --> 00:14:04.049
00:14:04.409 --> 00:14:14.889
00:14:14.889 --> 00:14:19.407
00:14:19.407 --> 00:14:22.092
00:14:22.092 --> 00:14:24.097
00:14:24.097 --> 00:14:25.568
00:14:25.629 --> 00:14:43.434
00:14:43.434 --> 00:14:56.832
00:14:56.832 --> 00:14:57.534
00:14:57.534 --> 00:15:11.250
00:15:11.652 --> 00:15:11.893
00:15:12.065 --> 00:15:18.455
00:15:19.005 --> 00:15:28.472
00:15:28.472 --> 00:15:40.447
00:15:40.447 --> 00:15:50.735
00:15:50.825 --> 00:15:56.839
00:15:59.249 --> 00:16:07.885
00:16:07.905 --> 00:16:08.667
00:16:08.667 --> 00:16:13.846
00:16:13.865 --> 00:16:14.567
00:16:16.270 --> 00:16:18.414
00:16:18.754 --> 00:16:24.452
00:16:24.493 --> 00:16:25.193
00:16:25.615 --> 00:16:27.018
00:16:27.018 --> 00:16:28.749
00:16:28.749 --> 00:16:30.153
00:16:30.153 --> 00:16:33.916
00:16:34.105 --> 00:16:38.914
00:16:39.856 --> 00:16:48.418
00:16:48.458 --> 00:16:49.100
00:16:49.184 --> 00:16:54.918
00:16:55.404 --> 00:16:55.826
00:16:55.826 --> 00:16:57.071
00:16:57.071 --> 00:16:59.831
00:16:59.831 --> 00:17:08.426
00:17:08.446 --> 00:17:10.592
00:17:10.592 --> 00:17:11.894
00:17:11.914 --> 00:17:15.971
00:17:15.971 --> 00:17:16.773
00:17:17.436 --> 00:17:29.838
00:17:30.059 --> 00:17:30.661
00:17:30.661 --> 00:17:32.065
00:17:32.065 --> 00:17:35.753
00:17:35.753 --> 00:17:37.637
00:17:37.637 --> 00:17:40.094
00:17:40.094 --> 00:17:41.490
00:17:42.046 --> 00:17:44.413
00:17:44.413 --> 00:18:00.266
00:18:00.266 --> 00:18:02.372
00:18:02.372 --> 00:18:04.417
00:18:04.417 --> 00:18:18.026
00:18:18.026 --> 00:18:24.178
00:18:24.178 --> 00:18:26.532
00:18:26.532 --> 00:18:30.278
00:18:30.278 --> 00:18:31.585
00:18:31.585 --> 00:18:35.853
00:18:35.853 --> 00:18:40.809
00:18:41.111 --> 00:18:44.409
00:18:44.409 --> 00:18:45.512
00:18:45.532 --> 00:18:46.635
00:18:47.506 --> 00:18:47.886
00:18:47.906 --> 00:18:49.031
00:18:49.505 --> 00:18:51.492
00:18:51.492 --> 00:18:59.828
00:18:59.828 --> 00:19:04.113
00:19:04.113 --> 00:19:05.554
00:19:05.554 --> 00:19:08.496
00:19:08.496 --> 00:19:14.901
00:19:15.320 --> 00:19:16.182
00:19:16.182 --> 00:19:16.782
00:19:17.025 --> 00:19:18.351
00:19:18.351 --> 00:19:21.452
00:19:22.074 --> 00:19:25.875
00:19:25.875 --> 00:19:29.739
00:19:29.739 --> 00:19:32.181
00:19:32.181 --> 00:19:33.301
00:19:33.301 --> 00:19:35.347
00:19:35.347 --> 00:19:38.275
00:19:38.275 --> 00:19:39.356
00:19:39.356 --> 00:19:44.517
00:19:44.517 --> 00:19:48.027
00:19:48.027 --> 00:20:06.996
00:20:07.096 --> 00:20:07.616
00:20:08.519 --> 00:20:20.490
00:20:20.490 --> 00:20:26.665
00:20:26.665 --> 00:20:28.553
00:20:28.553 --> 00:20:31.205
00:20:31.205 --> 00:20:32.431
00:20:32.625 --> 00:20:39.479
00:20:40.306 --> 00:20:41.210
00:20:41.230 --> 00:20:41.511
00:20:42.025 --> 00:20:51.555
00:20:51.555 --> 00:21:03.665
00:21:03.665 --> 00:21:11.077
00:21:11.157 --> 00:21:21.092
00:21:21.092 --> 00:21:27.616
00:21:27.616 --> 00:21:29.781
00:21:29.781 --> 00:21:33.578
00:21:33.598 --> 00:21:34.540
00:21:34.540 --> 00:21:35.303
00:21:35.303 --> 00:21:38.317
00:21:38.317 --> 00:21:54.115
00:21:54.115 --> 00:22:14.250