Writing Our Own Rules: Details of our Post-Nuptial Agreement

Marriage is built on love, trust, and shared experiences, but it's also a financial partnership that benefits from clarity and intentional planning. After nearly nine years of marriage, we decided to create a post-nuptial agreement – not because we anticipate our relationship ending, but because we wanted to design our own financial framework rather than defaulting to what our state dictates.

When you sign a marriage license, you're essentially agreeing to a pre-written financial contract provided by your state. Most couples never read these default rules, yet they govern everything from asset division to spousal support should the marriage dissolve. Creating our own post-nuptial agreement allowed us to thoughtfully consider what arrangements would best reflect our values and priorities, rather than accepting whatever generic framework North Carolina provides.

The process of creating our post-nup was surprisingly straightforward and took less than 60 days. Working with a family law attorney who specializes in these agreements helped us navigate the technical aspects while focusing on what truly mattered to us. We began by documenting our individual assets and liabilities to establish a clear financial baseline, then worked through how we wanted to structure our finances both during marriage and in the unlikely event of separation.

One of the most valuable aspects of creating a post-nup was the conversations it prompted about money management. We detailed how our household finances would flow, deciding on an "inside-out" approach where income goes into a joint account for shared expenses before individual spending money is distributed to personal accounts. This framework acknowledges our different earning patterns – my steady corporate income versus Brandon's more variable entrepreneur earnings – while ensuring equitable financial responsibility.

Our agreement also clarified how we'd handle retirement accounts (keeping them separate but committing to equal contribution percentages), inheritances (remaining individual property), and any financial windfalls. We included a provision requiring notarized documentation if either of us chooses to convert individual property to joint assets by depositing inheritance or bonus money into shared accounts. This prevents future disputes about what was intended as a gift versus a loan.

Perhaps most importantly, we addressed how we would handle co-parenting arrangements if our marriage ended. While custody arrangements can't be legally included in a post-nup, we documented our shared intentions: maintaining a 30-mile radius so children could stay in their schools, implementing week-on/week-off schedules to provide stability, and committing to family counseling to support our children's emotional well-being during any transition.

The post-nuptial process also revealed valuable tools we hadn't considered, such as binding arbitration clauses that provide confidentiality advantages over public divorce proceedings. We included counseling requirements that would need to be met before divorce could be pursued, with clear protocols for selecting therapists and scheduling sessions. These provisions reflect our commitment to making every reasonable effort to preserve our relationship before ending it.

Creating this agreement wasn't about planning for failure – it was about protecting what we've built together and establishing guardrails for navigating difficult situations should they arise. Financial stress is one of the leading causes of divorce, and having clear, mutually-agreed-upon frameworks for handling money can actually strengthen a marriage by removing potential sources of conflict and resentment.

We view our post-nuptial agreement as "insurance for our love" – something we hope never to use, but that provides peace of mind knowing it exists. By defining our own rules while we're happy, communicating well, and deeply committed to each other, we've created a roadmap that reflects our values rather than defaulting to generic state guidelines that may not align with our specific situation.