Rewriting Your Money Story with Financial Therapist Wendy Wright

When we think about money, we often focus on the numbers—how much we earn, spend, save, or invest. But what if those numbers are only a small part of the story? According to financial therapist Wendy Wright, who recently joined us on the Sugar Daddy podcast, 80-90% of our financial decisions are emotionally driven. This staggering statistic reveals that most of us aren't making purely logical choices about our money, even when we think we are.

The emerging field of financial therapy blends psychology and finance to help people understand their relationship with money on a deeper level. Unlike traditional financial advising that focuses on investment strategies or budgeting techniques, financial therapy digs into the emotional underpinnings that drive our money behaviors. As Wright explains, "Financial therapy is going to be more about looking at what's your story. We look back at the story for context, not to hang blame."

Our earliest money memories often shape our adult financial behaviors in ways we don't fully recognize. Wright shared her own first money memory of purchasing a Chrissy doll (the one with extendable hair) with her own money as a child. This purchase felt particularly special precisely because she had spent her own money on it. These early experiences create powerful associations that often continue influencing our spending and saving habits decades later, without our conscious awareness.

One of the most transformative aspects of financial therapy is learning to approach money with what Wright calls "abundant compassionate curiosity and zero judgment." This principle represents a radical departure from how most people think about finances. Society often moralizes money decisions, making people feel like "good" or "bad" people based on their financial status or choices. Breaking free from this judgment can be incredibly liberating and is often the first step toward healthier money behaviors.

For couples, money conflicts rarely involve just dollars and cents. When Wright works with couples, she focuses heavily on communication patterns. One simple but powerful technique she shared is to "take the money word out of the sentence." When someone says, "We always fight about money," she encourages them to remove "money" and explain what they're really fighting about. The result often reveals deeper issues around respect, security, trust, or control that have little to do with the actual finances.

Financial therapy also addresses the emotional weight of debt, which can be crushing for many people. Wright explains that people stressed about debt aren't typically stressed about the number itself, but rather what that number means to them. Debt often makes people feel like they've failed or that they're morally compromised. Working through these feelings is essential because "paying off debt is very different than staying out of debt." Without addressing the emotional patterns that led to debt in the first place, people often find themselves back in the same situation even after paying off what they owed.

For those curious about whether financial therapy might be helpful, Wright suggests asking yourself some simple questions: Have you ever lost sleep thinking about money? Have you ever cried about money? Have you ever felt overwhelmed at financial decisions or unexpected expenses? These emotional responses are clear indicators that the relationship between your emotions and finances might benefit from some exploration and healing.

While traditional financial advice focuses on creating strategies to optimize your money, financial therapy helps you identify and address the emotional blocks that prevent you from implementing those strategies in the first place. It creates a foundation for sustainable financial change by ensuring your emotions are allies rather than obstacles in your financial journey.

The emotional dimension of money may be complicated, but understanding it doesn't have to be. With compassion, curiosity, and the right support, we can all develop a healthier, more balanced relationship with our finances that serves our well-being rather than diminishing it. Financial therapy offers a path forward that honors both the numbers in our bank accounts and the feelings in our hearts—because both matter profoundly in creating the financial lives we truly desire.