May 28, 2025
90: Rewriting Your Money Story with Financial Therapist Wendy Wright
Your money story isn’t just about numbers—it’s about emotions.
In this powerful episode, financial therapist Wendy Wright unpacks why
80–90% of our financial decisions are emotionally driven
—and how your earliest money memories are likely still shaping your current habits.
You’ll learn:
- How to spot hidden money patterns rooted in childhood
- A simple reframe that helps couples stop fighting about "money"
- Why debt often triggers shame—and what to do about it
- How to start healing your relationship with money, without judgment
If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed, ashamed, or stuck when it comes to finances, this conversation will leave you feeling seen—and empowered.
Visit prenups.com/sugardaddy to learn more about fair prenups that help couples plan for a healthy financial relationship.
Watch this episode in video form on YouTube
To apply to be a guest on the show
You can email us at: thesugardaddypodcast@gmail.com
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Learn more about Brandon and schedule a free 30-minute introductory call with him
Please remember to subscribe, rate, and review.
Notes from the show:
Chapters
00:00 - Episode Sponsor Introduction
00:51 - Meet Financial Therapist Wendy Wright
03:01 - Wendy's First Money Memory
06:18 - Understanding Financial Therapy
10:34 - Money as an Emotional Decision
15:44 - Working With Couples on Money Issues
22:13 - The Role of Judgment in Money Talks
29:58 - Dealing With Debt Emotionally
37:06 - Couples Communication About Money
43:24 - Practical Tips for Better Money Conversations
48:44 - Who Needs Financial Therapy
53:13 - Episode Closing and Resources
Transcript
WEBVTT
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This episode is sponsored by Prenupscom.
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That's what Brandon and I did after eight years of marriage.
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In today's episode, we speak to financial therapist Wendy Wright, who blends psychology and money to help people transform their relationship with finances.
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If you need a judgment-free conversation and way to approach navigating spending, saving and financial blocks, this episode is for you.
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Hey, babe, what are we talking about today?
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Today we are talking about something that we mention often, which is how money is emotional and how we really have an emotional connection to whether it's positive or negative to our money, and we talk about this a lot.
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So we figured it was time to bring in somebody who actually knows what they're talking about.
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And so we are talking to a financial therapist today, which I think is so exciting because we're going to dig into our emotions and our mindset around money with somebody who does this for a living.
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Wendy, welcome to the Sugar Daddy podcast.
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We're so happy to have you.
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Hi, I am very excited to be here and I think that it's just really fantastic the work you guys are doing.
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Thank you so much.
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Well, we want to make sure that our listeners know exactly who we're speaking to, so we're going to get into your bio and then, of course, we're going to get into your first money memory, because that is how we like to start our guest conversations.
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Wendy Wright is a financial therapist who blends psychology and money to help people transform their relationship with finances.
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With a background in therapy, coaching, real estate and business, she brings a unique, judgment-free approach to navigating spending, saving and financial blocks.
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Based in Denver and working virtually worldwide, wendy supports individuals, couples, entrepreneurs and working professionals.
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Her insights have been featured in outlets like CNBC, quickbooks and various podcasts like the Stacking Benjamins podcast.
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Welcome to the Sugar Daddy podcast.
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Thank you, wendy.
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Yeah, thanks, Jessica.
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I'm thrilled to be here.
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I'm so glad.
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All right, let's get into your first money memory.
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We always love to know our guests' kind of origin stories and their first thoughts and feelings and memories around money.
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So we'd love to hear yours today.
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Yeah, okay.
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So when I think about this, usually the first one that pops up for me is when I bought my first toy and I don't know if anybody remembers this one, but it was a Chrissy doll who had this button on her belly button and you push it and her hair would grow, and then you push it again and the hair would come back in.
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Yeah, you're nodding Jessica have you seen this before.
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So I remember vividly wanting one and not getting one.
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So I remember yes, yes.
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Well, I think she had a pretty big impact on me too, because, um the one I got was redheaded and um later on in life, I went through probably like two decades where I was coloring my hair red.
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So I can only say that that was an origin story for, uh, my red hair days as well.
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I love it.
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So important question did you cut her hair when you press the belly button?
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and it went long.
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Okay, cause I think I would have cut her.
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Cut the hair, yeah, probably.
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No, I am not.
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Um I I didn't cut any of my doll's hair.
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I was like I don't even cut my own I like I'm.
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I just have this thing where I'm scared to cut my hair.
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I don't cut my own hair, but definitely all my Barbies, all of my my baby dolls.
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They had terrible bangs terrible haircuts?
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Absolutely, it was a thing.
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Yeah, like the bangs that are up to here, kind of thing.
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Yeah, exactly.
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So did you buy the Christy doll with?
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your own money or was it a gift, or what?
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was the story there.
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I remember in my memory I bought it with my own money.
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I'm guessing that was like Christmas birthday money, because I was like 10-ish, you know, like young enough not to have a job yet, and so that was another thing I remember about thinking it was really special because I had bought it myself.
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I'm sure then I was a little more bossy with my little brother that he probably wasn't allowed to touch it.
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I can only imagine.
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It becomes more precious when you spend your own money.
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Yeah, yeah, it definitely does.
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Yeah, absolutely.
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All right, real quick.
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I want to speak to the person listening who feels like they can't work with a financial planner yet because they're carrying a lot of debt.
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First of all, I see you and I need you to know.
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You're not broken, you're not behind.
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You're just in a tough season.
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I created something just for you because I've had people reach out who are serious about changing their money story.
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But the full financial planning package just wasn't the right fit yet.
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So I built a new service through Oak City Financial that's focused completely on debt reduction no fluff, no shame.
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You'll get a one-time planning session, a personalized payoff strategy, your own financial dashboard and monthly coaching.
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If you want extra support while you climb out, it's $300 to get started and $100 a month.
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If you want that ongoing guidance, that's it.
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This is about helping you get unstuck, not making you feel like you failed.
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If this sounds like what you've been needing, go ahead and schedule a call with me.
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The link is in the show notes.
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Let's take the first step together.
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Well, how did we get from the Chrissy doll?
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And then you have kind of real estate.
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I know you've done some house flipping and I mean you've had quite the background.
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What led you into financial therapy?
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I mean that's a very new and niche space.
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It is.
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It's still relatively new, so I'm really glad to have the opportunity to explain to your audience what it is.
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That is still often when I speak, um, or you know, when I'm meeting with potential new clients, um, usually when I speak, only maybe 1% of the people have even heard the phrase before, so it's still really new.
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Um, for me it seemed like when I got to it it was just this big aha of okay, this was all my history and one of my.
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I think it's on my about page, but often I have said I feel like my life is like a quilt, like you're just putting all the squares in and you don't really know the design until you look at it.
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So when I found financial therapy, I've been a therapist for 25 years and this was about 10 years ago.
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I was working this long story short, but because there's a lot to this, I was working in high level eating disorder care.
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I'm also an eating disorder specialist and intuitive eating counselor and in my in my background.
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But I because of my business background, because I was in mortgage banking and I flipped houses and you know, even a therapy practice as a business.
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I've been in private practice before and, as my clients would either demonstrate some money behaviors such as um, these were patients at high level eating disorder care, so everything got delivered to the front desk and there would be like a hundred boxes a day coming in there and to me I was like that's interesting and curious.
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And I began talking to clients, patients, about it and found they were often because they couldn't use the eating disorder behaviors they were shifting, often into some kind of money behavior.
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For instance, maybe shopping was.
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I'd say, show me what you bought.
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We'd pull it up on the screen and they'd say this is what I got.
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And it was so, so cool.
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Because they were using the same exact words, like if they were using an eating disorder behavior such as restriction or binging, it would be so I don't get fat, so I can be accepted, so I can, you know, be normal, you know whatever there's.
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Then they were buying this t-shirt like well, I wanted to get that shirt because then I would feel like I fit in, I'm accepted, I feel normal, I feel like I would be thin, you know all of those kinds of things.
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And I was like this is really interesting, um, so then I began literally to Google um, has anyone else noticed the connection between money and emotions and, as you may or may not have heard at this point, there's research done now, so that's helpful, but, um, upwards, like research will tell you, 80 to 90% of our financial decision-making is emotionally driven yes, makes sense.
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And so started to put all that together and then went back into private practice at the time and then, exclusively now, I focus on financial therapy.
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I also got money, coaching training, so I have this really unique blend of the therapeutic approach and coaching training.
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So, um, uh, I have this really unique blend of the therapeutic approach and coaching tools, and then we look at it from the therapy lens and do all these kinds of things with it.
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So it helps to, uh, really create some change, but not just change, but change that's sustainable.
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That's so important to me.
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Like we can all do something for about 21 days, right, but then what about a year later?
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You know what about three months later?
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So we want it to be sustainable.
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For the audience, to kind of help them have a better understanding of what financial therapy is, can you kind of explain a little bit more of what it is and what it's not?
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more of what it is and what it's not.
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Yes, it's just a great question too, because, as I have even trained therapists to do financial therapy, that was a big part too.
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Like, where do you draw the line Financial therapy?
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And even because I'm also trained in coaching, so there's even a, you know, there's therapy, there's coaching, there's coaching, um, there's advising and planning, um, there's also, um financial counselors, which often is very different than financial therapy.
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So it's, it's a great thing to be able to distinguish there.
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Um, so I'm a licensed therapist and a marriage and family therapist, which is why it's going to be great for us to also talk about couples.
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But in the financial therapy, the way I describe it every session, we talk about money.
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In other therapies, which we'll call them other traditional therapies, you may or may not talk about money, and a lot of my clients will come to me.
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Sometimes therapists will send their clients will come to me.
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Sometimes therapists will send their clients to me to do the money work, because they recognize every time we kind of got close to money, my therapist was like I don't really feel comfortable talking about that and we wouldn't talk about it.
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And so there is, like you know, you want to have a certain level of comfort talking about money and also, as with any money work at all, no matter what you're in, it's really important to do your own money work first and kind of know your story and stuff.
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So financial therapy is going to be more about looking at what's your story, and I always say we look back at the story for context, not to hang blame.
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We don't want to get stuck there, but we want to see oh okay, that makes sense why this is coming up for you or why you're doing this.
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We want to look at the feelings and so one of the things I will often do is have people pause and maybe we're talking about a certain spending decision-making and I'll say talking about a certain spending decision making and I'll say what was your feeling?
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Now, most people are not used to describing their feelings, so sometimes we'll yeah, we'll pull up the feelings wheel, which you can just Google feelings wheel, and you'll get a ton of really good options and they'll look at it and they'll be like, oh, and then they're like naming four or five different feelings all around, whatever the spending decision was.
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So we look at that.
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Maybe there's healing to do from financial trauma or financial hardships.
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Maybe there's grief, work to do around something that feels like a financial mistake, work to do around something that feels like a financial mistake, because often if we feel like we made a mistake, we can get stuck there, especially if we're perfectionists like me.
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There is also communication work, mindset work, all of those things that really play a role, and so that is where the therapeutic role comes in.
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Okay, I love that.
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And to take it to the next, you know, the next part of that is what?
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Clearly, is it not?
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Because I think that's the hard part for people is that they start to kind of blur the lines.
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Yeah, yeah.
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Well, it's not investment advice.
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Okay, um, it's not, uh, selling any kind of products, you know, like investment products, or recommending, um, oh, you need uh this index fund and or you, you know, kind of, do this.
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Um, it's not, um, in many cases it's not going to include coaching.
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It's not going to include, you know, um, why don't you do this or why don't you do that?
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Uh, tactically, this, or why don't you do that Tactically.
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It is also, it is also not get on a quote unquote budget.
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It's not.
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Oh, you just need to pay off your debt.
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Or it's not anything with the word just in the sentence, because it's way more complex than that.
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Yeah, yeah, I love that.
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That's a really good distinction and I love what you said about doing the work around mindset and trauma and building and showing context.
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I think that and I'm you know we're going to talk about it, but I'm sure that comes in a lot when you're working with couples who have varying backgrounds and experiences with money and building that context can help you understand well.
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Why is my partner the way they are?
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Why does it take them so long to make a decision?
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Why do they spend without pausing?
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You know, whatever direction people go, I think that context is really important.
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So thank you for clarifying that for us.
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Yeah, I think it's also very important to clarify, because it also helps you distinguish where you're at in your journey and what you actually need, because correct me if I'm wrong as well I would say that, from maybe a sequential order, that a lot of people maybe need to go work it out with a financial therapist prior to working with someone like myself as a financial advisor.
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If that's what they need, I definitely have experience working trying to start working with someone.
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That's very clear.
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Like you're not ready yet, maybe you do need to speak with a financial therapist prior to working with me.
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Yes, absolutely.
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And I mean tell me what you think about this.
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Like, this is how it turns out when they come to me.
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Then we talk about um, what is the role of um, an advisor, planner kind of person, and then how, um, how do you talk to them?
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And I have actually role played many times that conversation because a lot of my clients you probably have noticed like maybe their their eyes glaze over or they seem real distracted or you know all these sorts of things that are telegraphing to you, this is too big, I can't touch it yet, kind of feeling.
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And then we practice and break it down to where they can have a much more satisfying conversation.
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So it works hand in hand really nicely.
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Yeah, I try to incorporate, you know, aspects of behavioral finance, but obviously I'm not a financial therapist so I cannot go nearly as deep as you do.
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But I do try to address that because, like you said, if it was just simply you know people having, it was just simply the numbers, it'd be easy.
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And that's 1% of what I do and that's 1% of how people even make decisions.
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Everything is an emotional attachment.
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Yeah, absolutely, if I came to you, wendy, as a first time client.
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What would our first session be like?
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Great question, the first session is I'm doing a lot of listening and you're going to do a lot of talking, so we really want to go back into essentially, tell me your story through the lens of money, and this is something most people have never done, never even thought about doing.
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So we start looking back to early money memories because they usually tell us something.
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So when we begin to do that we may start at maybe the first memories are in elementary school, maybe the first memories are in high school.
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We go through, I'll ask questions like when you got your first paycheck, what did you think and feel?
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What was the job of that money?
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What was the function of it?
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For a lot of people that first paycheck, the job was the ability to make independent decisions and which is really really powerful to see, because that's one of um.
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One of my favorite reframes of money is to look at it as a decision-making issue, so that we can stop Um.
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We can easily get stuck on the word money and think money is the problem.
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Quote unquote.
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I'm using air quotes Um, and so that really helps us begin to open that up to see what's really going on.
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Yeah, how long do people typically and I'm sure it varies, but what is if there is an average of how many times would I see you to have my I don't know my money breakthrough or really understand why?
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I am the way I am or feel the way I feel about my money.
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Yeah, it is so.
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Of course, the answer is it depends.
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But based on my experience.
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It depends, we'll see.
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One of the ways that we begin to look at it is you can have a breakthrough in the first session.
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Often in the first or second session telling the story, clients will kind of have some of those lean back moments of like, oh my gosh, I had no idea.
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Like now that I'm saying it out loud, it makes perfect sense, you know, kind of thing.
00:19:18.080 --> 00:19:22.421
So there's a lot of insight gained from looking at the story and talking it through.
00:19:29.069 --> 00:19:33.617
The story and talking it through Typically it's easily three to six months of work is a good frame for it because it's not fast work.
00:19:33.617 --> 00:19:46.394
But I do personally try to blend the sort of like the long term trajectory with short term gains or changes so that they feel a momentum, because that's really important when you're trying to make a change.
00:19:46.394 --> 00:19:56.767
One of the biggest things that will start to help it feel better is just the fact that they've started talking about it in a safe, non-judging place.
00:19:56.767 --> 00:20:01.164
Because seriously, raise your hand, but not if you're driving, of course.
00:20:01.164 --> 00:20:08.323
But you know you guys raise your hand if you've ever experienced a completely non-judging place to talk about money.
00:20:08.323 --> 00:20:10.256
Most people have not.
00:20:10.256 --> 00:20:13.897
So that in and of itself can really be a game changer.
00:20:14.921 --> 00:20:19.400
Yeah, one of the driving factors behind us starting the podcast was to normalize conversations about money.
00:20:20.402 --> 00:20:36.789
Yes, without the shame and guilt and fear and stigma and all the things that come with talking about money, you know, and then especially in, in, uh, communities of color, a lot of times it's don't talk about money because it's rude, it's disrespectful, it's private, et cetera, et cetera.
00:20:36.789 --> 00:20:42.571
So then we miss a lot of the valuable lessons that we wish, looking back, we would have learned about.
00:20:42.571 --> 00:20:47.794
You know, saving spending, value-based spending, better decision-making, et cetera.
00:20:47.794 --> 00:20:50.842
So, um, yeah, really important.
00:20:51.523 --> 00:21:11.773
So have you seen where maybe you were working with someone on an individual basis and they have a breakthrough and you know, they start to interact with money in a much more healthy state, but then they get into a relationship and they end up coming back with their partner because I think that's a completely different phase in their life and they may be able to address different things when it comes to that aspect.
00:21:12.737 --> 00:21:14.800
Absolutely yes, um.
00:21:14.800 --> 00:21:24.154
Because well, I'll ask you guys, you know a lot of couples like have you ever met a couple that had the exact same money story, or not even the exact same, um, annual income?
00:21:24.154 --> 00:21:26.698
You know like so the amount of differences.
00:21:26.698 --> 00:21:44.025
If you think about it mathematically, you just sort of extrapolate like the different input coming into every decision, and then if most of those decisions aren't talked about, then you know a year later or a few years later, they're feeling icky and they're like I don't know what's going on, we're stuck.
00:21:44.025 --> 00:21:51.317
And then we open it up in financial therapy and start talking about it and it really makes a difference.
00:21:52.271 --> 00:22:05.337
So I feel like I could think of you know from my end, as far as some of the different phases that people go through in their lives on, like how you might be like I said in this scenario, you're fine as an individual Then maybe, when it comes to being in a relationship, you need some help.
00:22:05.337 --> 00:22:06.480
I can even think past that.
00:22:06.480 --> 00:22:22.476
You know, once you have kids, once you know if you were maybe perhaps to become a caretaker for your parents and having to manage their finances I could think of so many different ebbs and flows through your life where you might need that financial therapy or even planning the wedding right?
00:22:22.556 --> 00:22:24.439
Oh, I want a small wedding, you want a big wedding.
00:22:24.439 --> 00:22:27.201
I mean those budgets can vary greatly.
00:22:28.943 --> 00:22:31.406
Right, right, and and and the um.
00:22:31.847 --> 00:22:35.575
Oh gosh, we could spend a whole out five hours talking about the wedding.
00:22:35.575 --> 00:22:36.257
Um.
00:22:36.257 --> 00:22:48.164
However, what we'll just let's kind of boil it down to, it's about decision-making and it's about having an awareness of what are the factors playing into each decision.
00:22:48.164 --> 00:22:51.580
For instance, we'll just pick on the wedding for a minute.
00:22:51.580 --> 00:22:59.253
Let's say you know you're a month away and you've got all this stuff lined up, and then you find out you're going to have to pay twice as much for the photographer, for instance.
00:22:59.253 --> 00:23:01.719
And then you're just like you're.
00:23:01.838 --> 00:23:05.778
So perhaps you're so tired of making decisions you're not going to make one, but you're, you know you're.
00:23:05.778 --> 00:23:10.094
So perhaps you're so tired of making decisions You're not going to make one, but you're, you know you're making one.
00:23:10.094 --> 00:23:20.877
By not making one, you're like fine, we'll do it, we just have to get this over with kind of, okay, normal, we're not going to judge it, but also we're going to recognize wow, okay, that played a role.
00:23:20.877 --> 00:23:22.882
Like decision fatigue played a role.
00:23:22.882 --> 00:23:25.627
Like decision fatigue played a role.
00:23:25.690 --> 00:23:27.617
Conflict avoidance plays a role, like all of these different things.
00:23:27.617 --> 00:23:40.324
Pleasing parents plays a role, pleasing the or like fitting in, pleasing the community, whatever.
00:23:40.324 --> 00:24:03.217
They all play a role, all play a role, and weddings tend to sort of be this um, uh, like big wave of all of those things come together at once, feeling um, and then when I'm working with people during before and during the wedding, then after the wedding there's tends to be a lot of grief work we do because it didn't go the way they hoped.
00:24:03.217 --> 00:24:08.250
So we try to talk that through before each of those decisions happen.
00:24:08.250 --> 00:24:09.012
Yeah, yeah.
00:24:10.015 --> 00:24:21.299
Now, do you, in these sessions, do you dig into the numbers and actually create a plan for, maybe, how a couple could pay off the wedding?
00:24:21.299 --> 00:24:29.538
Or maybe the goal is, we don't want to have a wedding with debt, so how can we have the wedding that we want within?
00:24:29.538 --> 00:24:33.791
You know this budget I know you don't like that word.
00:24:33.791 --> 00:24:42.136
We can get into that, um, but are you actually like digging into the numbers and helping people solution what they can actually afford?
00:24:44.220 --> 00:24:48.626
Yes, um, okay, you're bringing up some really good stuff.
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